If you have to say “I’m not a racist” after giving a speech, then maybe you are.  Well, that’s not true – you definitely are.

Please meet Mike Congressblubberingidiot Mike Kelly.  Mike wants to talk about people of color because he appears to be an expert on the matter.

“You know, they talk about people of color. I’m a person of color. I’m white. I’m an Anglo Saxon. People say things all the time, but I don’t get offended. With a name like Mike Kelly you can’t be from any place else but Ireland.’”

If you’re Irish, you’re not Anglo Saxon. You are Celt with a little Scandinavian Viking mixed in.  So find yourself a sturdy woman and take to the ocean, Mike.

You’re not a “person of color” because you’re white.  Technically, by definition, white is the absence of color. You’re more like the damn mole people.

I know life has been tough on Mike because he’s white.  After graduating from Notre Dame University, he inherited his dad’s successful Cadillac dealership.  He didn’t have to sit on the back of the bus because he never rode the damn bus.

Mike is the problem with America.  Old white men of privilege who don’t want to give up power. They were born on third base and think they hit a triple.

Well, it’s happening a little bit.  Just a little bit.

Elsa Alcala, a retired judge from the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals who was appointed by Rick Perry in 2011, has seen the light.

She has left the Republican Party in total disgust.

“It has taken me years to say this publicly but here I go. President Trump is the worst president in the history of this country,” Alcala wrote last week. “Even accepting that Trump has had some successes — and I believe these are few — at his core, his ideology is racism. To me, nothing positive about him could absolve him of his rotten core.”

Rotten core is strong language. She’s appears to have been festering for a while.

I hope there’s a line behind her just waiting to parade out.

Thanks to Bubba for the heads up.

Okay, I feel bad for a lot of y’all because it’s gonna get hot where you are.  You know, Texas hot.

Hot enough to melt dirt.

So hot we had to feed the chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.

Hot as high school love.

So hot that potatoes are baking in the ground.

So hot that you need pot holders to turn your steering wheel.

That hot.

So, here’s some clues from a girl who knows hot.

Go right now and have them install a swimming pool or a creek in you backyard.  If that’s impossible, buy one of those kiddie pools.  Sit in it while holding an umbrella with a big ole fan on you.

Drink about the same amount of water it takes to fill the swimming pool everyday.

Ice cream.

Fill your cooler with ice. When you can’t take it anymore, stick your head in it.

Volunteer to work at the Costco frozen food department.

Do not shop – stores can’t keep up with the heat.  And if there’s a power failure, which is likely, nobody has cash to pay but that’s okay because none of the store clerks know how to make change.

They say eating hot food will make you feel cooler. They lie.

Okay, so here’s the deal. Reporters asked Steve Mnuchin if he thought Trump’s comments were racist.

This is so cool.

From now on when someone asks you a question you have no damn good answer for, just say, “I haven’t had time to think about that. I’m focused on cryptocurrencies.”

It’ll work anywhere, the grocery store, the bank, a strip club, church, you name it.

Thanks to Deb T for the heads up.

You know how Trump says he never liked Jeffrey Epstein.  Well, apparently never means since last Thursday or something.

NBC has a tape of a party at Epstein’s house.

Later in the footage, Trump is seen talking to Epstein and another man while they watch the women on the dance floor. Trump noted the presence of an NBC camera to Epstein, and both point out women, while Trump occasionally claps and dances to the beat.

Though exactly what they say is difficult to understand, Trump is seen gesturing to a woman and appears to say to Epstein, “Look at her, back there. … She’s hot.” Epstein reacted with a smile and nod.

Trump then said something else into Epstein’s ear that caused Epstein to double over with laughter.

But the president says now that he never liked Epstein.

I guess this can’t be classified as news because (1) we already knew that Trump is sexually disturbed, and (2) he will lie just for the sake of lying.

However, you might use this as stimulus to go register some Democratic voters or drive people to the polls.

By the way, there’s a tell-all word that Trump uses when he’s lying.  You might want to know what it is, sir.

Okay, so next Trump is going to issue her an armband.

Reporter Andrew Feinberg asked Kellyanne Conway what country did Trump mean for the congresswomen to go back to since they were all born here.  She replied with a question to the reporter, “What’s your ethnicity?”

The reporter said that’s not relevant to the question. Kellyanne replied that it was relevant because, take a deep breath, she asked the question.

Seriously.

Amazing, isn’t it?