We all know Sid Miller, childish Ag commissioner of Texas, is a complete jerk, devoting much of his time to insulting half of Texas’ population and publicly displaying his stupidity on social media. We also know about his weird obsession with the “Jesus Shot”, which apparently maintains whatever feel-good it provides, and his use of taxpayer funds to finance his trips to get those shots. We also know that he wants to replace healthy food options in schools with deep-fried garbage, and are very familiar with his battle against the non-existent “war on cupcakes” for kids’ birthday parties. One of his most infuriating habits is posting bullshit on Facebook to foment fake outrage against fictional grievances.
We get all that. Ol’ Sid is a self-absorbed weirdo with an affection for stuffed animals on the walls of his office and screwy conspiracy theories. In truth, he is the Sas to Louie Gohmert’s Shay. Between the two of these clowns, it’s all goofball, all the time, and they regularly compete for the title of National Embarrassment of Texas.
Sid’s latest crusade? BBQ joints. Sid, as the self-appointed arbiter of everything animal protein, has decided to defy state law and the governor’s directives to go after…wait for it…your neighborhood BBQ spot. That’s right, even though the state of Texas has exempted small BBQ places from paying big bucks to certify their scales to weigh BBQ, ol’ Jesus Shot Sid himself has decided that, uncharacteristically, he is the Righteous Protector of BBQ Consumers, prosecuting independent pitmasters over a bullshit rule that he invented for some unknown reason, beyond being able to put his name on some Texas state certification sticker. You do know that he’s printed stickers to put his name on every gas pump in Texas, right?
The only good news here is that Deep Fryer Sid is being opposed by an actual adult in the 2018 race. Kim Olson, retired Air Force officer, farmer, and Normal Person, is aggressively campaigning to retire him back to the ranch. We say, come on, Kim!
Look – We all know that Sid Miller is a gigantic asshole. Like Trump, he loves to piss people off just for the pleasure of pissing people off. We also know that he is self absorbed, corrupt, and has modeled his behavior as Trump’s Mini Me. I get all that. But all that aside, Deepfryer Sid is interfering with the National Business of Texas – BBQ. And when he does that, he disqualifies himself as not only a true Texan, but more importantly, an actual human being.
Go home, Sid, please stop helping.
