In case you, like everyone else, were wondering why Trump nominated Calista Gingrich as Ambassador to the Vatican, being as how she’s not particularly good at anything except jewelry buying and husband stealing, which, by the way, are not necessarily the best resume to the Holy See, I have an answer.

Oh Newt, Oh really?  Newt’s latest Trump book is on Amazon now for you to buy and review.

Mr. Gingrich provides unique insight into how the new president’s past experiences have shaped his life and style of governing. This book also includes Mr. Gingrich’s thorough analysis of how President Trump thinks and makes decisions, as well as the president’s philosophy, doctrine, and political agenda going forward.

Further, these pages hold a detailed discussion of Trump-style solutions for national security, education, health care, economic growth, government reform, and other important topics. Mr. Gingrich also identifies the forces in the Washington establishment, media, and bureaucracy that will oppose the president at every turn.

Honey, Honey, Honey, I’m making me a big ole jug of sweet tea come next Tuesday when Jefferson Beauregard Sessions bring his lil’ cornpone self to testify to the Senate Committee on What The Tarnation Are You Boys Doing.

I am certain that Mrs. Session’s baby boy Jeffie will tell the whole truth in the cutest way possible.

And if you come here on Tuesday morning, I will ask you what are you doing here when Jeff is on the electric teevee explainin’ how it is that a boy from Selma, Alabama, came to dance the jig for a New York real estate tycoon.

It ought to be fun, I think.

File under “Long Ago in a Galaxy Far Away”…

If you’re like me, you’ve run out of words to describe the slow motion train wreck that is today’s White House.  Shocked.  Stunned. Astonished. Embarrassed.  Humiliated. Outraged. Aggrieved. None of those words sufficiently describe the relentless onslaught on our senses these last months as The. Worst. President. In. U.S. History. eviscerates virtually every tradition, custom, and law that governs our executive branch.  Common decency suffered a quick death at 12:01 on January 20th.  After that, this walking, talking violation of the Constitution has been urinating all over our society while stuffing his pockets full of foreign money.  Have I described this administration accurately?  I believe I have.

So.  Let’s go back to this same point in Barack Obama’s first term.  He was also dealing with a HUGE scandal himself.  The scandal?  He went out for a hamburger with his pal, VP Joe Biden and dared to order his burger with dijon mustard.  That’s right, folks, that sissy latte’ sipping secret Muslim from Kenya dared to order a traditional American dish with a French mustard.  Outrageous.  The noise machine lit up, lead by the knuckle dragger, Sean Hannity.  Have a look:

That same noise machine today (what’s left of it) is whistling past the grave yard, defending Trump and his mob buddies for cozying up to despots and hackers.  I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest if characters from The Empire showed up as Trump surrogates on national television.

I am a native Houstonian.  I live about 35 miles away from there now, which is close enough to go to ballgames and see my Houstonian grandbaby.

Houston is a liberal city, causing it to become the most diverse city in America.  You should come visit Houston for the food alone. If you can bear the weather, Houston just might be the best place in America to live. You know people have to love Houston to live where the season “Too Damn Hot” starts in April and ends in November. Contrary to what you’ve heard, we do have spring here.  This year it was on a Tuesday at the end of March.

So, when a rumor started on Facebook that a group called Antifa was going to insist on removing a statue of General Sam Houston because Houston was a slave-holder (he was), ears perked up. We may be liberal, but we love General Sam.  He is a fascinating character.

Fresh on the heels of removing confederate generals from New Orleans, the far right went nuts. They seemed to be completely unaware that Sam Houston was a liberal.  (More on that later.)

The rumor was untrue.  One Houston teevee station did a story about Antifa and their plans to commit sacrilege upon the statue of Sam Houston.  It should have know something was not quite right when they were unable to find anyone actually connected to the group.  The Houston Chronicle, on May 31st, also did a story (you might not be able to get it because it’s by subscription only).  Neither of them talked to anyone associated with the group … because it was a joke.

But, not to the far right gun nuts.  No siree, this was too good an opportunity.  They promptly scheduled a protest on the rumored day that Antifa was going to protest.

So, they show up armed to the hilt at a public park near the zoo, Rice University, the Museum of Natural Science, Theater Under the Stars, and an enormous city park on a Saturday when everybody is out with their children.  I have a few pictures.

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I do not know how Sam Houston felt about guns, but I do know that he fought bravely in the War of 1812 and he was the general who captured Santa Ana after the Battle of the Alamo and he’s kinda beloved for that.  So I kinda suspect he’d tell those weenies with weapons to go join the military.

But, I do know how Sam Houston felt about the confederacy.  He hated it.  General Sam was a congressman, the Governor of Tennessee, President of the Republic of Texas, and a senator from Texas.  When Texas joined the confederacy, General Sam opposed it strongly and resigned as Governor of Texas instead of joining the confederacy.  He wrote …

“I love Texas too well to bring civil strife and bloodshed upon her. To avert this calamity, I shall make no endeavor to maintain my authority as Chief Executive of this State, except by the peaceful exercise of my functions … ” He was evicted from his office on March 16, 1861, for refusing to take an oath of loyalty to the Confederacy.

So you jerks prancing around with the stars and bars shame Sam Houston.  I am dearly surprised that Sam didn’t climb down off his horse and whip the hell out of all of you. You know, like the yankees did your great grandfathers.

In Galveston on April 19, 1861 from a hotel window he told a crowd:

Let me tell you what is coming. After the sacrifice of countless millions of treasure and hundreds of thousands of lives, you may win Southern independence if God be not against you, but I doubt it. I tell you that, while I believe with you in the doctrine of states rights, the North is determined to preserve this Union. They are not a fiery, impulsive people as you are, for they live in colder climates. But when they begin to move in a given direction, they move with the steady momentum and perseverance of a mighty avalanche; and what I fear is, they will overwhelm the South.

Nobody wants to take down Sam’s statue you damn fools.  He gave up his beloved Texas trying to stay an American.

You ought to consider that.

Sorry to have been MIA of late. I have a new role at the same International Behemoth Corporation (IBC) I’ve worked at off and on for so long, that when I told a new co-worker the other day the year I started, he said “Oh, that’s the year I was born.”  He didn’t mean it as a joke, and I didn’t take it as one.

do I LOOK like I’m laughing

Anyway, this was a minor promotion and I am, of course, both finishing projects from my previous gig and frantically trying to stand up in my new job.  So I’ve had time for little more than 140 characters of snark, lately.

Years ago, back in the 90s, when I started working for IBC, it was just a local Chicagoland behemoth, and we had a very strict corporate identity. The fact that I was allowed a mustache was put down to me being that crazy computer guy, who wasn’t client-facing anyway.

NOT IBC HQ
but you get the idea

At least once a week, my manager would stop by and say we had a meeting that afternoon in conference room K, which was code for Kevin’s, the dimly lit bar downstairs. We had a core group of 6 of us, including a young foreign-born man. One afternoon, in hushed tones better suited for the Confessional, he confided to us that he was gay.  In a company where too much facial hair was a professional risk, such a secret, spilled to the wrong folks, could have had heavy career impacts.  Of course, I would not have been friends with any of these folks if this had, indeed, been a risky confession.  We were all supportive, and discreet.

actually, none of us was

Flash forward to today, and the current incarnation of International Behemoth. My mustache has long since been joined by a beard and, now, a pony tail.  People in suits and ties – de rigeur, in my early days – just look plain weird.  I had something to tell a woman in my new group, and she asked me to email it because she was heading out for a brief vacation.

“Oh, where are you headed?” I asked.

“Washington, DC,” she said to me, a virtual stranger, “my wife and I are attending the Pride Parade.”

I revealed that my first attendance at a Pride Parade was also in DC, accidentally, as it was right outside my hotel near DuPont Circle, way back before I  joined IBC the first time. Crossing the street, I briefly was part of the parade itself.

with my mustache, I fit right in

And later on I marveled: in the space of my own career, the United States – as exemplified by my bread and butter, International Behemoth – has come around to the view that being gay is now water cooler chat; you know: No Big Deal. And in the words of the greatest Vice President of my lifetime, that’s a Big F***ing Deal.

Yes, there are millions yet, blinded by ignorance, benighted by intolerance, brought up to hate what they fear, the Other.

But, albeit with a few reversals along the way, the arc of the moral universe does indeed bend toward justice, and their fulminous fallacious fury is no longer welcome at IBC; their intolerance is no longer even tolerated, much less institutionalized. And that’s a Behemoth F***ing Deal.

Happy Pride Month, my friends. Love is Love is Love is Love.  It’s something we can ALL be proud of.

e Pluribus Unum
truly

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