You’re all probably right: he’s not going to use my version.  Turn’s out he’s been writing his own.

D.O.N.A.L.  Squirrel!  Eagle! This is hard!

What we can see of the page is blank.   Empty.  And he’s curled it to hide the emptiness beneath, much like he does his hair.   So, anyway, we can extrapolate from what we can see to this finished draft:

My fellow Americans,

They said it would never happen but, huh? How about this? Pretty amazing, huh? You did it. You did it. You’re making America Great Again.

They said it would never happen. They said. They said I’d never get the nomination, but I beat 17 other guys to get here. And gals. Let’s not forget the gals. Many people asked me, why do they say this? You are awesome. Why do they say such terrible, terrible things about you? I don’t know, but the voters, they knew it wasn’t true. It was all fake news about everything.

And they said oh, Hillary is so much more qualified. Well, the voters, they know crooked when they see it. If you’re crooked, who cares about quality? Right? (Pause for “lock her up” chant) Right. Right. Well, we’ll see what Congress can do. We’ll see. A lot of investigating. There’s a lot of investigating coming.

Wow, what a great crowd. Like my historic landslide, this is a historic crowd. More people, more people are coming to Washington today than any time, for anything, ever. Million Man March? It wasn’t even a real million. It wasn’t even… this, this is a million man march right here. And gals. Can’t forget about you gals, too. They’re having a women’s march over there, but all the women marched over here, to Trump.

They always do. They always do. They always march back. Those lawsuits. Forget it. Gloria Allred and those lyin’ California liberals, it’s all the same. Don’t believe them, folks, YOU are the real Americans, am I right? How does THAT grab ya?

So things are gonna change now, people. They’re gonna change. The intelligence, who needs that? They have been trying to bring me down. Trying to spread fake news. Leaking. All the leaking. It’s disgusting. It’s disgusting. So no intelligence in this White House, not one of them. Only General Flynn… is he a great general or what? He is head of my intelligence. The CIA (pause for boos) the FBI (pause for more boos) they tried to stop Trump, they tried to stop you from having me. I guess we showed them.

And they ain’t seen nothin’ yet, believe me. (Pause for nazi salutes)

So I will talk to world leaders, I will negotiate with them and I can tell when they are lying to me. They will find out who the super power is. Trump, that’s who. I will make great deals for you. not for me, bel;ieve me though, because I have left all my businesses in the blind trust with my sons, who are excellent business men.

How about Mike Pence, is he great or what. Stand up, stand, Mike, stand up and there he is folks. Already the best vice president ever. EVER. Even the lyin’ press has to say Trump, he picks great people. Great Vice President, the greatest, so I think we’ll keep him there, right? I hope so. I hope so.

He’s gonna do great things. We’re gonna do great things. We’re gonna make America GREAT again!

And we’re gonna build the wall. It’s a done deal, folks. As soon as Congress passes the bill, and they will pass them. Every bill I want. But the Great Wall will be built, the greatest. Forget China. They’re the worst. And that wall! It’s falling down, it’s a wreck. We’re gonna build a Greater Wall, and who’s gonna pay for it? After you, pay for it, who are we gonna bill? That’s right. Mexico. And Mexico’s gonna pay. Believe me.

Are you tired of winning yet? Are you ready to go party and then Make America Great Again? All right! We’re gonna do it. We’re gonna get going. But first, here’s a special guest, is.. is it working? Is it.. there he is! Here’s a special guest to talk to you. Here’s a brief word from our sponsor:

Vladimir, say hello to America.

приветствие America! See you soon.

If I were writing for Dat Guy, here is the speech I would write.

Honorable dignitaries and guests, thank you for your presence and warm wishes. President Obama, I especially want to thank you and Mrs Obama for your grace and courage, wisdom and honorable conduct in office. In the words of Scripture: “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

My fellow Americans:

On this day, at this hour, we have again undertaken the peaceful transition of power that is the hallmark and highest achievement of our democracy. We hold a privileged place in the history of the world. Never before us had a nation remade itself and its government with the good will and hopeful anticipation that we celebrate every four years. Never since and never again will any other benchmark of freedom suffice.

Inevitably, approximately half of our democracy is disappointed in each outcome, so we, the elected public stewards of ALL our democracy, must ensure that that disappointment does not become division. It is incumbent upon us, the servants of the people, to serve ALL the people, to the best of our abilities. We must do right, as Lincoln said, as God gives us to see the right.

But any bitterness or disappointment, we must recognize, comes out of a shared love and passion for our great country. It’s why Winston Churchill said that democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others.

And so, we must turn to that common love and shared passion for our nation, put divisiveness behind us, and proceed together to make America… better.  No matter your political persuasion, no matter your opinion of America’s status, no matter your opinion of me, or of Congress, or of the judiciary, no matter your race, or creed, or color, or personal station in life – no matter how great or not you think America is – we can all agree that we can make it better.

Accordingly, and according to my Constitutional duty, I am going to Capitol Hill in a few weeks to address a joint session of Congress, and to recommend to their consideration the following measures I judge necessary and expedient:

I will recommend to Congress’ consideration that no action of this government shall impede the access of any American to sufficient health care, including but not limited to any repair of the Affordable Care Act, but never its repeal. I will also direct the Secretary of Health and Human Services to conduct the affairs of that department such that the health and safety of each American – citizen or no – be the central issue of a united government.

I will recommend to Congress’ consideration that no action of this government shall impede the access of any American to the most sacred right of our democracy, the right to vote, and to have that vote count equally with all other votes in this country, no more, no less. I will also direct the Attorney General that the Justice Department be conducted such that the franchise be extended to – and defended for – all citizens of our United States.

I will recommend to Congress’ consideration that climate change exists, and is an existential threat to every person, every country and every species on planet earth. I will also direct the Secretary of State to conduct United States diplomacy such that this single issue, which affects and binds us all, be the central issue of a united earth.

My fellow Americans, I have given my solemn oath to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution.   There may be times when you don’t approve of a decision by this President, or of a policy of this Administration or of a new law from this government. But the bedrock principles of the Constitution remain unshaken, and I WILL faithfully execute this office as specified in the Constitution, and according to the self-evident truths of the Declaration of Independence, that ALL are equal, that ALL have God-given rights of life, liberty and happiness, and that the rights of ALL Americans, citizens and residents alike, will be secured by this government, re-instituted this very day.

History has been written anew with this election, as it has with all elections. The gridlock and gritted teeth within the confines of the federal city have stymied the hopes and dreams of all: conservatives and liberals, Democrats and Republicans, red states, blue states and all the shades of purple in between. But today, we have broken through the barriers put up by the pampered perpetual politicos. The American people, in their enduring wisdom, have bestowed the awesome responsibility of the office of President of the United States on a political neophyte, a newcomer with more experience of real life than of governance.

But the radical idea that is the United States has always been that the capacity for just and fair governance rested in all its people, in each of its people, which is why the citizen servant is best exemplified by our first President, George Washington, who willingly laid down the sword at the end of the Revolution, and who willingly laid aside the Presidency after only two terms. Our greatest progress has always been made by leaders who excelled in areas of endeavor other than government, before submitting themselves to the righteous judgment of the American voter.

I am awed and humbled by the example of my predecessors, and by the simple wisdom of the American electorate. I shall do my best to live up to the trust you have put in me.

May God Bless you.  May He bless us all, and may He continue to shed His awesome blessings, and ineffable Grace, on our beloved United States of America.

Y’all, Sid Miller, world renown purveyor of Fake News and proud of it, has done it again.

Claims by a Texas lawmaker that ‘illegal aliens attacked’ a hunting party have been dismissed as fake by a local sheriff who says the hunters fired on one another.

Texas Agricultural Commissioner Sid Miller used the alleged attack on a hunting party by ‘violent illegal immigrants’ as justification for why a wall must be built to secure the Texas border, in a January Facebook post.

Sid says it doesn’t matter diddle squat if he puts false information on his Facebook page, fanning the fears and hatred of all things he doesn’t like, because he’s not a “news source.”  He says you should go to his Facebook page and figure out for yourself whether something is real or made-up. Do you think he’s got time to do your research for you?  Do you think he can use the Google machine? Well, he can’t, so get over it. That whole “Responsible Adult” thing is something liberals made up.

Sheriff Danny Dominguez

Anyway, Danny Dominguez, the Presidio County Sheriff, who is a man you really don’t want to mess with, says that Miller’s story was false and smilingly added …

‘The agriculture commissioner needs to do his job and stick to that, and I’ll do my job. You tell him I said that.’

Sheriff Dominguez says the hunters fired on each other with “several factors contributing” to the friendly fire. You can translate that to, “they were drunk and rowdy.”

By the way, Sheriff Dominguez, who I have had the honor of personally meeting, was the sheriff called out to the Scalia death.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Pray for wind.

Yep, Betsy DeVos actually said it. We need guns in schools to protect from grizzlies.

Fenway Fran, a long, long, triple damn long patron of the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., sent me a picture of the Happy Birthday / Trump Survival Package that one of her grown daughters sent the other.

Now, that’s funny.

We’re gonna get through this, y’all.