Friday Toons
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Clay Bennett, Chattanooga Times Free Press
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Archive for August, 2016
No, We Don’t Need a National Conversation. We Just Need You to Shuddup.
Paul Ryan’s Republican opponent makes Louie Gohmert look like a damn Mental Health Poster Boy.
The Republican challenging House Speaker Paul Ryan said this week that the US should debate deporting all Muslims from the country.
“I’m suggesting we have a discussion about it. That’s for sure,” Paul Nehlen said on 560 AM’s “Morning Answer” in Chicago, when asked whether he would support deporting every Muslim from the country. “I am absolutely suggesting we figure out how do we, we — here’s what we should be doing. We should be monitoring every mosque. We should be monitoring all social media.”
Son, we already debated that. It lost. We even fought several wars to keep it from happening. Where the hell were you?
However, it does kinda explain why Donald Trump supports him and even Pence called for “new leadership.” This guy makes Trump seem reasonable.
His attack on Sharia Law is totally nonsensical. Does he oppose Canon Law or Ecclesiastical Laws? Those are church laws that don’t make a hill of beans difference in my life.
It’s That Time IMPORTANT UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM
Here I am, hat in hand.
I’m here with Glen Maxey asking you once again to donate to send Ballot By Mail applications to Texas voters over the age of 65. There are small counties in Texas where voting in person means a long drive and facing a prissy election official who sleeps in a Donald Trump tee-shirt just to piss you off.
Grandma and Grandpa need you to send them a vote by mail application. $100 bucks will put an application in 420 senior mail boxes. $50 gets 210. $25 gets 100. Adopt a whole rural county for $50 bucks!
You donate here and you know exactly what you get. There is no overhead. There is no waste and it’s all done by volunteers. Your $25 gets 100 ballot my mail applications mailed to seniors in Texas. That’s the best bargain you’re gonna get this entire election season.
If you had rather mail a check, send it to:
Glen Maxey
PO Box 116
Austin, Texas 78767
Click here and let’s get this sucker done.
Here are the counties that need adopting. Pick one (or more) and make a comment that you’ve done a Texas County Ballot By Mail Rescue!
| Reagan | 5 | $2.10 |
| Armstrong | 6 | $2.52 |
| Sherman | 6 | $2.52 |
| Loving | 6 | $2.52 |
| Oldham | 7 | $2.94 |
| Ochiltree | 8 | $3.36 |
| Hemphill | 9 | $3.78 |
| Borden | 11 | $4.62 |
| Hartley | 11 | $4.62 |
| Kimble | 15 | $6.30 |
| Shackelford | 15 | $6.30 |
| Lipscomb | 18 | $7.56 |
| Cochran | 19 | $7.98 |
| Real | 20 | $8.40 |
| Irion | 22 | $9.24 |
| Briscoe | 24 | $10.08 |
| McMullen | 24 | $10.08 |
| Menard | 25 | $10.50 |
| Wheeler | 25 | $10.50 |
| Motley | 28 | $11.76 |
| Dallam | 28 | $11.76 |
| Edwards | 29 | $12.18 |
| Dickens | 32 | $13.44 |
| Martin | 32 | $13.44 |
| Mills | 34 | $14.28 |
| Yoakum | 34 | $14.28 |
| Collingsworth | 36 | $15.12 |
| Coke | 36 | $15.12 |
| San Saba | 37 | $15.54 |
| Parmer | 40 | $16.80 |
| Carson | 41 | $17.22 |
| Kenedy | 41 | $17.22 |
| Cottle | 44 | $18.48 |
| Donley | 44 | $18.48 |
| Concho | 45 | $18.90 |
| Somervell | 49 | $20.58 |
| Garza | 50 | $21.00 |
| Jack | 52 | $21.84 |
| Kent | 53 | $22.26 |
| Childress | 56 | $23.52 |
| Callahan | 58 | $24.36 |
| Baylor | 58 | $24.36 |
| Bailey | 62 | $26.04 |
| Winkler | 63 | $26.46 |
| Moore | 67 | $28.14 |
| Archer | 68 | $28.56 |
| Hamilton | 70 | $29.40 |
| Knox | 71 | $29.82 |
| Mason | 71 | $29.82 |
| Sutton | 76 | $31.92 |
| Clay | 81 | $34.02 |
| Crane | 81 | $34.02 |
| Foard | 82 | $34.44 |
| Gaines | 83 | $34.86 |
| Schleicher | 83 | $34.86 |
| Stephens | 86 | $36.12 |
| Coleman | 87 | $36.54 |
| Gray | 91 | $38.22 |
| Rains | 91 | $38.22 |
| Hall | 92 | $38.64 |
| Floyd | 93 | $39.06 |
| Hutchinson | 93 | $39.06 |
| Franklin | 94 | $39.48 |
| Montague | 97 | $40.74 |
| Lynn | 97 | $40.74 |
| McCulloch | 98 | $41.16 |
| Runnels | 101 | $42.42 |
| Terrell | 103 | $43.26 |
| Scurry | 109 | $45.78 |
| Andrews | 112 | $47.04 |
| Stonewall | 121 | $50.82 |
| Hockley | 126 | $52.92 |
| Eastland | 127 | $53.34 |
| Hardeman | 129 | $54.18 |
| Hudspeth | 137 | $57.54 |
| Young | 145 | $60.90 |
| Castro | 149 | $62.58 |
| Leon | 153 | $64.26 |
| Sabine | 153 | $64.26 |
| Upton | 153 | $64.26 |
| Terry | 168 | $70.56 |
| Blanco | 169 | $70.98 |
| Erath | 170 | $71.40 |
| Mitchell | 171 | $71.82 |
| Deaf Smith | 172 | $72.24 |
| Comanche | 174 | $73.08 |
| Lamb | 180 | $75.60 |
| Madison | 181 | $76.02 |
| Brown | 187 | $78.54 |
| Jeff Davis | 205 | $86.10 |
| Haskell | 223 | $93.66 |
| Lavaca | 225 | $94.50 |
| Bandera | 234 | $98.28 |
| Culberson | 238 | $99.96 |
| Live Oak | 241 | $101.22 |
| Austin | 243 | $102.06 |
| Crosby | 244 | $102.48 |
| Cooke | 245 | $102.90 |
| Wilbarger | 245 | $102.90 |
| Wise | 268 | $112.56 |
| Palo Pinto | 269 | $112.98 |
| Swisher | 269 | $112.98 |
| Tyler | 271 | $113.82 |
| Bosque | 272 | $114.24 |
| Delta | 273 | $114.66 |
| Jackson | 277 | $116.34 |
| Jones | 277 | $116.34 |
| Kinney | 278 | $116.76 |
| Dawson | 284 | $119.28 |
| Lampasas | 286 | $120.12 |
| Crockett | 294 | $123.48 |
| De Witt | 299 | $125.58 |
| Fannin | 307 | $128.94 |
| Trinity | 311 | $130.62 |
| Llano | 314 | $131.88 |
| Goliad | 321 | $134.82 |
| Howard | 324 | $136.08 |
Thank you, thank you, thank you. With your help, we’ll flip Texas!
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
Honey, So many Republicans are jumping ship that Celine Dion’s going to sing the theme song.
So here’s the deal: We are having a lottery on “When Will Donald Trump Resign Off The Republican Ticket?” The lottery is open to any who donates to the cause – even $2.10 for poor little Reagan County where’s there’s only 5 Democrats over the age of 65 and you should feel real sorry for them, dammit.
From now on, post that you’ve donated and what date you pick between now and election day that Trump will withdraw. If you’ve already posted, repost with the date of your choosing.
First Prize: a Donald Trump tie.
Second Prize: two Donald Trump ties.
First prize may be exchanged for a tee-shirt I will order for you have have delivered to your front door from this joint.
There ain’t no second prize so go for the gold, Honey!
Thanks to Charles for the good idea.
Please Feel Free to Steal and Pass Around on Social Media
Thank you, John.
No.
If Joe Scarborough is right …
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BNG37XmXkas
Y’all, I am trembling.
Thanks to Bubba for the heads up.
Local Stuff
We have a Republican guy running against my incumbent county commissioner, Richard Morrison. Richard is a good guy, a Democrat, and deserves to be re-elected.
The Republican is Vincent Morales, the former major of Rosenberg. Vincent is not Hispanic and I saw him jump down someone’s throat for suggesting he was. Vincent is Italian and don’t you forget it.
In Texas, county commissioner is a very powerful position and the most easily corruptible. There are 5 county commissioners who decide how every tax dollar is spent and who gets the contracts. Kickbacks are more common than fire ants.
So, Morales was plenty proud of the fact that George P. Bush was coming to Rosenberg to fundraise for him.
The event was what you might call, “Humm … sure is quiet in here.”
Pictures? Hell yeah, I have pictures.
And here’s George P Bush —
If you’re wondering where the roaring crowd was …
I imagine the snacks didn’t have much of a chance.
Here’s Vincent and George. They must have been exhausted from shaking all those hands.
Remember that time George P. complained that he was “stuck in Texas”? He wasn’t kidding, y’all.