I’m trying real hard this morning to make this connection:

Gas prices are down, so social security recipients will not get a COLA raise this year.

I’m here to tell you that my gasoline consumption has been cut by 75% since I’m not driving to work and back or taking kids to baseball practice.

However, my prescription drugs, glasses, hearing aid, and dental costs have gone up about 250%.  I haven’t noticed prices in the grocery store dropping, but that may be due to the need for new glasses that are gonna cost more than they did last year.

Who had the bright idea of connecting social security COLA to gas prices?  The COLA should be based on the price of One-A-Day Senior vitamins.  And that is my platform for running for congress.

My name is Juanita Jean and I approved this message.

Tennessee has a school district that shut down. Closed the doors. Turned out the lights. Made themselves gone.

Because … Obamacare.  Yep, that’s it.  The head of the school district explains —

“Clay County’s inability to generate the revenue to offset the mandates is what’s caused this to come to a head,” he said. “The straw that broke the camel’s back was really the Affordable Care Act for us and it has made it very difficult for us to have our employees properly covered and meet the mandates of the law.

One of the reddest counties in the state can’t afford to provide health insurance for their teachers.

Well, that’s not exactly true.  They can.  They just don’t want to.

County Commissioner Parrish Wright contends that the district does have enough funding to get through the end of the school year and officials could take up the issue later if the tax referendum doesn’t pass.

Hush, now, Commissioner Wright.  We wouldn’t want people to know that it wasn’t Obama’s fault.

Maybe y’all would go to the town square and wait for money to trickle down on you.

Thanks to Larry for the heads up.

Let’s say you’re playing around on Twitter and come across this.

You’re likely to think, “I bet there’s a good story behind that.”

And you would be right.  It’s Missouri.

A man, whose name is never revealed in the news reports but I would be willing to bet is  Bubba, was burning trash in a field.  The fire got out of control, as fires are apt to do, and this good citizen went to work to put it out.

Disregarding water as method of fire extinguishing, Bubba decides to drive his van back and forth over the fire to put it out.  I have no idea where Bubba learned this was a safe way to put out a fire, but I am pretty certain it wasn’t in a school of any sort.

When Bubba’s tires catch fire, he gets the idea that maybe this isn’t safe, especially when he remembers that his van is loaded with ammo and a full tank of gasoline.  Well, I do not know what they call that in Missouri, but a fire with gas and ammo in Texas is called, “Hoooooooly cow, Bertha! Look at that crap.”

When the police arrive, they find Bubba “watching the fire from a distance,” which was the only smart thing Bubba did all day.

The end is always the best and this story does not fail.

The deputy did not immediately cite the owner, who declined to make a report for a possible insurance claim.

“It seems like he’s just going to have to take a loss on that vehicle because I don’t think they’re going to cover it,” Bazzano said.

Not unless you can get insured against self-dumbness.

Thanks to Mike for the heads up.

Marco Rubio stuck his head out this morning and got himself two headlines.

The first one was this.

Immediately followed by this one.

See, Mr. Adelson, I can do it. I can keep Democrats from taxing you fairly and giving stuff to hungry children.  See, I’m your man.  I think we ought to let people die at the emergency room door.  I know that tax breaks for billionaires isn’t free stuff.  So, Mr. Adelson, give me some free stuff!

Marco, kiss my big blue butt.

ON EDIT: And to prove that three is the charm, here is today’s headline from the Washington Post.

‘Cuz Rubio wants free stuff.

Okay, same ground rules as eight years ago in the primary.

1. You may promote your Democratic candidate here.

2. In doing so, you absolutely cannot disparage any other Democratic candidate.

You are free to comment here during or after the debate tonight.  I will check occasionally to approve comments.

God help us all.

Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton has been indicted for two first degree counts of securities fraud, and with a third degree felony for failing to register as a securities adviser with the Texas State Securities Board.

He’s so crooked that he has to screw on his socks in the morning.

It is important to remember that all of these things happened before he was elected Attorney General.  So, watching him try to blame Obama for his indictment is a load of fun.

To rally the Republican troops before his trial, Mr. and Mrs. Paxton have taken their show on the road.  She writes songs, plays the guitar, and sings.

Here’s her latest song.

Pistol Packin’ Mama
by Angela Paxton

I’m a pistol packin’ mama, yes I am
I’m a pistol packin’ mama, yes I am
I’m a pistol packin’ mama and my husband sues Obama
I’m a pistol packin’ mama, yes I am

I was adopted as a little bitty babe
I was adopted as a little bitty babe
I’m so blessed to have 2 mamas, and my husband sues Obama
I was adopted as a little bitty babe

I grew up in a tiny Texas town
I grew up in a tiny Texas town
Ninety people, cows, pigs, llamas, and my husband sues Obama
I grew up in a tiny Texas town

Tragically, it goes on and on and on.

I guess she’s working on something to rhyme with prison.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.