Jeb!’s lips were moving on July 17th, 2015, at a townhall in Nevada, so of course, idiot juice poured forth from his mouth …

“A law was passed, apparently in the Clinton administration, about whether, in recruiting offices … Marines or other military should be able to have guns. Apparently it is prohibited.”

That is so wrong.  First off, it wasn’t a law, it was a military directive. Second off, the directive took place under Jeb!’s dad, who is named – unlike Jeb! – Bush.

The military, who knows a thing or two about guns, is opposed to military personal working on a military base to carry firearms.  Some Air Force mechanic fixing an airplane, a member of the army cooking for the troops, a Navy guy on a nuclear submarine, or a Marine doing pushups should not be required to have a gun on them.  They have base security personal for that.

The military, who knows a thing or two about guns, does not buy into the false good-guy-with-a-gun claim.  The military knows for a damn fact that arming everyone is asking for problems.

Even Jeb!’s dad thought that allowing the military to run the military is  good idea.

Lindsey Graham, a United States Senator —

Y’all, that is one step below ….

Well, it’s a well-run campaign.
Midget and broom and whatnot.
Devil his due.
Hell of an organisation.
Say, I got an idea.
What’s that, Junior?
We can hire us a little fella even smaller than Stokes’s.
You slump-shouldered sack of nuts!
Why, we’d look like a bunch of johnny-come-latelys.
Bringin’ out our own midget.
Don’t matter how stumpy!

This is a damn freak show.

Y’all, Donald Trump is going to visit the Tex-Mex border.

Trump is scheduled to visit Laredo on Thursday to hold a meet and greet with the local Border Patrol union, see the border and address local law enforcement officials.

I really, really think it’s brave of him to walk into Rapeville and Crimetown.

I visit Laredo often, even though it’s 300 miles from me.  To be honest, the Democratic Party Chairman in Laredo owns a great bar so that has something to do with my regular visits.

Laredo is one of the safest towns of its size in the entire country, but it is oh dear Lord hot. In August, the odds of Trump’s hair glue melting and running down his face are better than good.

I give him 15 minutes to start an international incident.

I want to tell you about the residents of Farmersville, Texas, 3,000 of the meanest and most vicious sons of motherless goats on God’s green earth.

When Sweet Jesus comes back, he’s gonna personally send these jerks to the bowels of hell, a place they won’t find much different than Farmersville, Texas.  Farmersville is dangerous close to Dallas.

Muslims want to use some undeveloped land in Farmerville for a Muslim cemetery.  The people of Farmersville used to say that the only good Muslim is a dead Muslim, but it appears they have changed their minds about that.  They don’t like the dead ones either.

This genius tell us why —

When somebody dies they bury them at that time. They don’t know whether they were shot, diseased or anything else. All they do is wrap them in a sheet from the grave and bury them,” Troy Gosnell told the local CBS station.

That, of course, is not true. Muslims bury their dead in caskets or vaults just like everybody else.  But true ain’t a hot property in Farmersville.

Patricia Munroe voiced fears that local drinking water could be polluted.

“We used to grow onions here. We sure enough don’t want to be growing bodies,” said another resident, Mont Hendrick.

Thank you for that science lesson, Cletus.

Now since these Muslims are United States citizens and cannot be denied the right to a cemetery as long as they follow the laws of the damn State of Texas, the goofballs in Farmersville have a simple solution.

Perhaps the most over-the-top and, alas, widely disseminated remark was made by an old coot who was mercifully unidentified by the reporters to whom he spoke.

“Take and dump pigs’ blood and [plant] pigs’ heads on a post,” he said sagely, “and they won’t buy the land.”

Somebody please revoke his operators license for a brain.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

You remember how I told you about Rick Perry’s campaign treasurer, Kelcy Warren also being a $6 million contributor to Rick’s SuperPAC, and how that’s all very confusing because campaigns and SuperPACs are not supposed to coordinate?

Well, you can quit fretting about it.  They have it all figured out.

“Even though he has a title with the campaign, if the campaign keeps him out of strategic planning and other decision making with regards to spending money, I think they’re going to be OK,” said Kenneth Gross, head of the political law practice at Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom LLP.

Oh really?  But, there’s more:  Austin Barbour is senior adviser to the three related pro-Perry super PACs.  He says …

Barbour said the super PAC specifically warned Warren about the coordination rules, to make sure he understood he couldn’t discuss strategy with the campaign.

Warren was not deeply immersed in strategic decisions for either the campaign or the super PAC, Barbour added.

Okay, so the deal is this: “He just gives us money, but he’s not allowed to have an opinion.”

Cheeezzz … I’ve been looking for a man like that all my damn life.

According to people who know these things, Republicans are really upset that Donald Trump is distracting from an edited and unfair videotape of a Planned Parenthood doctor.

In other words, Trump is hogging all the crazy.

I can see why that upsets them, because there’s a whole mess of crazy to pass around.

The same people who cheered him on when he was making wildbutt claims about President Obama’s birthplace are now mortified that he’s making wildbutt claims about them.  They built him, and now they’re mad he’s behaving like they taught him?

The same damn people who sat silent when triple amputee Max Cleland was being ravished for his war record by a man who never served, or Tammy Duckworth was told to shuddup by that scum of a man Joe Walsh, or when triple purple heart recipient John Kerry was made fun of for his war wounds, those people — those same silent people are outraged, outraged I tell you, that Trump took on McCain.  Those damn fools taught him how to do it and now whine when he does it.

And Lindsey Graham’s cellphone number?  Oh give me a break – it’s written on every men’s bathroom wall between Mobile and Atlanta.

Donald Trump is nothing more than a build it yourself Republican.

They have earned him fair and square.

Thank you, I feel better now.

I guess I wasn’t the only one feeling this way —

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