I do not know if it comes with a rapist in the pocket.

We have a Republican attorney general in Texas who goes by the name of Ken Paxton.  We might be seeing that change soon as he will be known as Stinky Dwayne’s Cellmate.

The criminal investigation against Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton has taken a more serious turn, with special prosecutors now planning to present a first-degree felony securities fraud case against him to a Collin County grand jury.

Special prosecutor Kent Schaffer said Wednesday afternoon that the Texas Rangers uncovered new evidence during the investigation that led to the securities fraud allegations against the sitting attorney general.

This would not be near as much fun if —-

—Paxton was not the most arrogant man among highly arrogant men.  Honey, he can strut sitting down.

— Paxton had not advised county clerks in Texas to violate the order of the Supreme Court in gay marriage.

— Paxton had not led a life of larceny.

— Paxton had not won with straight Republican voting, defeating one of the most ethical lawyers in Texas.

— Y’all, he’s just a jerk.

So, if he’s indicted on a first degree felony, that could mean life in prison. That’s not gonna be pleasant in Texas.  Stinky Dwayne still holds a grudge against lawyers since his last divorce.

Thanks to Buff for the heads up.

Well, if they only let grumpy old white people vote, Rand Paul is a shoe-in. Honey, he has that group getting out their walkers and leaving home to go see him, even if it means the neighborhood kids might walk across their lawn.

Paul went to Nevada and met with a guy who owes us about a million dollars – Cliven Bundy.

Republican presidential candidate Sen. Rand Paul met with southern Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy on Monday during a question-and-answer session in the town of Mesquite with about 50 supporters and activists interested in land rights.

The Kentucky senator stopped at casino resorts and ballrooms Monday as part of his “Stand with Rand” tour, looking to win over small-government Republicans he believes are key to a successful result in Nevada’s February presidential caucus.

Oh sure, it’s easy to support Rand Paul for president if you want the federal government to fail because he’ll sure the hell do that. He’s the candidate for people who aren’t big on the United part of United States.

The big question seems to be whether or not his constituency will live long enough to vote in November, 2016.

Thanks to Elizabeth for the heads up.

Tom DeLay, clearly using the Royal We, wants you to know that the justice department is kinky.  Real kinky.  And only he knows about it.  Until he spilled the beans …

No, seriously, you have to watch this.  It’s a minute and 17 seconds of your life going “What the crap!”

For those of you at work —

“We’ve already found a secret memo coming out of the Justice Department,” DeLay claimed. “They’re now going to go after 12 new perversions, things like bestiality, polygamy, having sex with little boys and making that legal. Not only that, but they have a whole list of strategies to go after the churches, the pastors, and any businesses that tries to assert their religious liberty. This is coming and it’s coming like a tidal wave.”

Malzberg, who was predictably shocked by the news that Department of Justice was now going to seek to legalize things like pedophilia, asked DeLay to clarify that that was what he had just claimed and DeLay assured him that it was.

“That’s correct,” he said. “They’re coming down with 12 new perversions. LGBT is only the beginning. They are going to start expanding it to the other perversions.”

I have a friend with an interesting theory.  She says that the reason some people are so anti-sex is because they are perverted and have some really sicko sexual thoughts.  They know the beast must be tamed because they assume we all have those thoughts.  Well, there ya go.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

Okay, a really delightful phenomenon has happened.

My Tell Juanita has skyrocketed due to the presidential race. So, I am going to take this time to let you know that I just don’t have time to personally answer each one of them, which really grates against my upbringing.  Momma wants me to say that I wasn’t raised that way. Southern women spend half their lives writing thank you notes.

Whether or not I use your tip depends mainly on whim. Something might hit me as funny on one day but not another. So, don’t get your feelings hurt. Sometimes I just file your heads-up and then a week or two later, go back and do something with it.

The really fun part of this is that I can forget about going to the news every morning because you guys have that covered.

For example, Lorrine asked, “Now, I know you heard Macy’s Dumped Trump, right? Can’t wait to read your take on it.”

Oh hell, I didn’t know that.  Now I do.

And Jorge felt sure I knew about Ted Cruz auditioning for The Simpsons. I didn’t. I do now.

But I am not sure I wanted to.

So, consider this a thank you and an I’m sorry all in one.  Thank you for sending them and I’m sorry I can’t use all of them.

Meanwhile, go on back and watch Ted.  I think the guy has a bright future in fictional characters.

Somebody, probably everybody, on Bobby Jindal’s presidential conquest staff doesn’t understand Twitter.

Like a bunch of bozos, they decided that a #askbobby hashtag was a great idea.

If you tweet, click here.

If you don’t, or would just like to see the highlights, click here.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.