Kiss me, Karma!

Fayette County is between Houston and Austin.  County Commissioner James Kubecka up and switched parties last summer from Democratic to Republican because he felt he was more aligned with Republican values.

No shoot, Sherlock.

I do believe that he broke some sort of land crooked record – even for Republicans, which is saying something.

Thanks to Vickie for the heads up.

Yep, Fort Worth.

I guess the Sweet Baby Jesus using a 9mm as a rattle didn’t work out.

Nothing says Christmas Peace and Joy like Santa with an AR15.

There’s some semi-hysterical woman on Fox news by the name of Jeannine Pirro.  In all fairness, I have to admit that I am not a regular viewer of Jeannine’s show.  And by regular, I mean ever.  And I am grateful for that.

Come to find out, Jeannine is a colorful person.  She is a tough talking law-and-order former prosecutor whose husband spent 11 months in prison for tax evasion and conspiracy.  She herself got into a bit of trouble when she tried to talk Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik into illegally wiretapping her husband’s phone and yacht to catch him doing the wild thing with another woman.

Now all this stuff would make you lower than a snake’s belly in a wagon rut in the real world, but in the world of Fox news, she’s a bright lights big city star.

And that’s because she knows things.  And she is white.  And she can spew without spitting, at least most of the time.

Jeannine has this whole police thing figured out.

First, whenever you say the word minority, you should put air quotation marks around it because, you know, minorities are not real.  In Janine’s world, a black person is a so-called minority.

Second, the problem is absolutely not that the police need to be more sensitive to minorities.  No, siree. Minorities should be more sensitive to the police.

Yep.  She said that.

Pirro quoted Fox viewer ‘Jeff’ who wrote, “Why is it always necessary to tip toe around the minority community,” with ‘Larry’ writing, “No. Enough is enough. The general public needs to be more sensitive to the police and show them the respect they deserve.”

Pirro added, “I agree.”

Yeah, like wives should be more sensitive to their philandering husbands.

If, like me, you have been blissfully unaware that this woman walks the earth and is entitled to an opinion that is obviously not her own, have a look-see.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhjAe08pdak

I suspect that Jeaninne will start having sensitivity classes for black people as soon as she meets a black person.

Thanks to Irene for the heads up.

Rick PAC was formed to help Rick Perry run for president of the United Damn States of America.

It has not helped.

This cycle, six whole people donated.  I guess you could make it better by saying, “How cow!  Rick got donations from more than the fingers on one hand!”

Three of those donated over $100.  Of those three, every single one of them is a lobbyist.

Okay, so that’s pretty bad.  Wanna see worse?

Of course you do.  You know you do.  Here you go —

Rick Perry’s name is so toxic that candidates in New Hampshire are returning his donations to their campaigns.

Republicans take money from felons and crooks without blinking an eye, but Rick Perry … well, uh, thanks but no thanks.  Hell, politicians all over America are buying 11 foot poles because they wouldn’t touch him with a 10 foot one.

And Rick’s largest expense this cycle?  Lawyers.

Hey, it’s tough being under indictment while running for President.

So, bottom line:  those smart glasses ain’t working too well.

Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen for the heads up.

Hello, all you fine folks here at the Salon! My name is Primo Encarnación y Hachecristo. Most of you regulars know me as the guy who sweeps up hair around here, but I am also Deputy Director of Homeland Security for the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon (DDHS/WMDBS).   It’s a gig I won after the Groundhog Day when Buck Pochek lost his brakes on that old dinged up Cadillac of his and drove right through the front window of the shop. Since ol’ Buck seems to lose his brakes every time he finds a bottle, I decided we should do something about it.

I had had an unfortunate relationship with a young lady whose uncle Marcus was the pastor at The Power and The Glory Megachurch, but that’s another story entire. Your takeaway here is that Uncle Marcus’ church had these lovely, large, HEAVY planters they bought back when Buck was attending services there, all laid out in front of the acres and acres of glass windows they had on the place. Surely they wouldn’t miss one or two?

So I called up my cousin, Jesus Hachecristo, who had been moonlighting as a fishing guide named “Caddo Joe” up in Lake Sam Rayburn, but that’s another story, as well. Jesus “borrowed” a heavy truck with a light crane, while I “borrowed” about 10 gallons of stucco plaster. We returned the truck, but have yet to repay on the stucco, which now decorates the anti-Buck-and-or-car-bomb planters, which now adorn the front of the shop.

For scrounging above and beyond the call of duty, Juanita Jean made me DDHS/WMDBS. For a “security desk,” she gave me the station with the sink we’ve never been able to unclog since someone, somehow, lost an entire lace front – with glue – down it. I proudly display a sign there: “NO TERRORIST ATTACKS SINCE: Feb 2, 2012.”

And for not mislaying the salon while she traipsed the Ozark Mountains in search of invisible air, I am now allowed to post here when the spirit moves me.

Right now, the spirit is moving me to observe gas prices continue to tumble towards $2.50. Why is that significant? Because, right around the time Buck imploded our front window, a fella named Newt Gingrich was trying to wrest the wheel of the GOP Presidential Clown Car away from the rest of the clowns. He claimed that under a (swallow hard, it’s only hypothetical) Gingrich Administration, gas would go down to $2.50 a gallon. How would he do it? Drill baby, drill, and not just on future ex-Mrs. Gingriches.

How did this President do it? Diplomacy, baby. Diplomacy. The story you won’t get from corporate media is that after John Kerry’s sudden visit to Saudi Arabia in September , bombing of ISIS began, and oil prices plummeted to a level that was still profitable for Saudis, but not for Russians. Vlad’s entire budget for 2015 is predicated on being able to get $96 per barrel for Russian oil. Currently, oil is below $70 per barrel.

Iran has similar math problems. Between sanctions and oil prices, the economies of our nominal “enemies” are on the brink of destruction. The global balance of power is shifting.

The Conservatives would have you believe that all this is possible through the miracle of shale oil production. But “con” is right there in their name, so you know that’s not the case.  Rather, it’s due to this President thinking ten moves ahead, as usual, and getting help – on 9/11, 2014, no less – from the birthplace and center of Islam, and the House of  Saud. 

Not Newt, nor any of these past, present and future clown-cons, could even conceive of it.