Rick PAC was formed to help Rick Perry run for president of the United Damn States of America.

It has not helped.

This cycle, six whole people donated.  I guess you could make it better by saying, “How cow!  Rick got donations from more than the fingers on one hand!”

Three of those donated over $100.  Of those three, every single one of them is a lobbyist.

Okay, so that’s pretty bad.  Wanna see worse?

Of course you do.  You know you do.  Here you go —

Rick Perry’s name is so toxic that candidates in New Hampshire are returning his donations to their campaigns.

Republicans take money from felons and crooks without blinking an eye, but Rick Perry … well, uh, thanks but no thanks.  Hell, politicians all over America are buying 11 foot poles because they wouldn’t touch him with a 10 foot one.

And Rick’s largest expense this cycle?  Lawyers.

Hey, it’s tough being under indictment while running for President.

So, bottom line:  those smart glasses ain’t working too well.

Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen for the heads up.

Hello, all you fine folks here at the Salon! My name is Primo Encarnación y Hachecristo. Most of you regulars know me as the guy who sweeps up hair around here, but I am also Deputy Director of Homeland Security for the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon (DDHS/WMDBS).   It’s a gig I won after the Groundhog Day when Buck Pochek lost his brakes on that old dinged up Cadillac of his and drove right through the front window of the shop. Since ol’ Buck seems to lose his brakes every time he finds a bottle, I decided we should do something about it.

I had had an unfortunate relationship with a young lady whose uncle Marcus was the pastor at The Power and The Glory Megachurch, but that’s another story entire. Your takeaway here is that Uncle Marcus’ church had these lovely, large, HEAVY planters they bought back when Buck was attending services there, all laid out in front of the acres and acres of glass windows they had on the place. Surely they wouldn’t miss one or two?

So I called up my cousin, Jesus Hachecristo, who had been moonlighting as a fishing guide named “Caddo Joe” up in Lake Sam Rayburn, but that’s another story, as well. Jesus “borrowed” a heavy truck with a light crane, while I “borrowed” about 10 gallons of stucco plaster. We returned the truck, but have yet to repay on the stucco, which now decorates the anti-Buck-and-or-car-bomb planters, which now adorn the front of the shop.

For scrounging above and beyond the call of duty, Juanita Jean made me DDHS/WMDBS. For a “security desk,” she gave me the station with the sink we’ve never been able to unclog since someone, somehow, lost an entire lace front – with glue – down it. I proudly display a sign there: “NO TERRORIST ATTACKS SINCE: Feb 2, 2012.”

And for not mislaying the salon while she traipsed the Ozark Mountains in search of invisible air, I am now allowed to post here when the spirit moves me.

Right now, the spirit is moving me to observe gas prices continue to tumble towards $2.50. Why is that significant? Because, right around the time Buck imploded our front window, a fella named Newt Gingrich was trying to wrest the wheel of the GOP Presidential Clown Car away from the rest of the clowns. He claimed that under a (swallow hard, it’s only hypothetical) Gingrich Administration, gas would go down to $2.50 a gallon. How would he do it? Drill baby, drill, and not just on future ex-Mrs. Gingriches.

How did this President do it? Diplomacy, baby. Diplomacy. The story you won’t get from corporate media is that after John Kerry’s sudden visit to Saudi Arabia in September , bombing of ISIS began, and oil prices plummeted to a level that was still profitable for Saudis, but not for Russians. Vlad’s entire budget for 2015 is predicated on being able to get $96 per barrel for Russian oil. Currently, oil is below $70 per barrel.

Iran has similar math problems. Between sanctions and oil prices, the economies of our nominal “enemies” are on the brink of destruction. The global balance of power is shifting.

The Conservatives would have you believe that all this is possible through the miracle of shale oil production. But “con” is right there in their name, so you know that’s not the case.  Rather, it’s due to this President thinking ten moves ahead, as usual, and getting help – on 9/11, 2014, no less – from the birthplace and center of Islam, and the House of  Saud. 

Not Newt, nor any of these past, present and future clown-cons, could even conceive of it.

Michele Bachmann is plenty upset about President Obama’s “amnesty.”  So upset, in fact, that she called for a Tea Party rally in Washington, Dee Cee, to protest.  She, of course, announced it on Fox News.

And she declared she would be leading a protest on Capitol Hill. “I’m calling on your viewers to come to DC on Wednesday, December 3, at high noon on the west steps of the Capitol,” she proclaimed. “We need to have a rally, and we need to go visit our senators and visit our congressman, because nothing frightens a congressman like the whites of his constituents’ eyes.

And you’re wondering how that turned out?

Hellfire and Happyfeet, tens of people stormed Dee Cee with their white eyes.  Well, and white everything else, too.

So, maybe leaving congress wasn’t such a good idea if you’re an attention hog.

We’re gonna miss you, Michele.  But not much.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

The flipping turnout in the mid terms gave us another cheerful gift:  a newly red Nevada.

Oh yeah, Cliven Bundy and his ammosexuals are taking over Nevada.

Maybe she’ll get elected whip.

Michele FIore, the newly appointed GOP majority leader in the Nevada Assembly is very proud of her guns and her film career as a soft porn star. She is a true Teabagging Conservative, all the way down to her tight jeans.

I guess it beats the hell outta looking at the ole white men we elected in Texas.

Her goal?  Guns, guns, guns.

“We’re getting our gun rights back this session, period.”

She said constituents can expect to see bills allowing concealed carry permit holders to carry guns for self-defense on campuses of the Nevada System of Higher Education. She also says she wants to see high schools adopt “rifle clubs” again, so young people are exposed to firearm safety and responsible gun ownership.

Yes, and it appears that she’s loaded.

Thanks to Karl for the heads up.

Guess who’s got his own Executive Damn Order?

Yeah, Rick Perry.  The man without a plan.

So, here’s the deal.  Perry has issued an executive order that starts right now this minute that all state agencies have to use E-verify before hiring anybody. E-verify is “a federal electronic employee verification system that aims to prevent the hiring of illegal workers.”

Four years ago, at the height of Perry’s conniption fit about the federal government, he said that E-Verify would not “make a hill’s beans of difference” when it comes to what’s happening in America.

But now he says it’s shiny, dandy, and painted red.

“The E-Verify system has been improved, it’s been streamlined and it currently is the most accurate and efficient way to check a person’s legal work in the United States,” Perry said. “Though any steps taken at the state level must be backed up by a real federal commitment to fixing a broken system.”

Holy cow.  Did that man just say that the “federal government” needs to fix the broken system?  Those smart glasses must be working overtime.  Or not at all, depending on your viewpoint.

He’s issuing executive orders and asking for federal help.  Did he wake up in a new world today?

Thanks to Candyce for the heads up.