Some Texas friends and I were making plans late, late on election night about the best way to survive four loooooong years of Dan Patrick.  The man is just a shiver looking for a spine to run up.

We took to the Facebook thing where one friend suggested that we all move to Canada.  That seemed a little extreme to me.  Someone else suggested Oregon, where they have Democrats, marijuana, and places to go fishing.  That’s kinda hard to beat so we began studying up on Lewis and Clark.

It appears that we were not alone.  Someone else had our idea.  It’s a fun read.

Besides, it beats the hell out of buying a franchise to the Jodi Ernst Cracker Cackle Classes or the Louie Gohmert Brain Surgery Made Fun Institute.

Thanks to Mary for the heads up.

Okay, y’all, when I heard Jodi Ernst’s acceptance speech, I knew that God had bestowed on me the gift of Cracker Cackling to poke fun at for the next two years.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkeZioNOYhI&list=PLVix8d69sPe70j4Ue4LTXTMm7VMOVOfmI

Y’all, that is not a laugh.  That’s the sound that summons the flying monkeys.

However, there is a chance that it could get even better.

Louie Gohmert is considering, just considering mind you, running against John Boehner.

Asked Thursday on “The Steve Malzberg Show” on Newsmax TV whether he thought Boehner, an Ohio Republican, will retain his powerful seat on Capitol Hill, Gohmert replied: “It’s never over till it’s over.”

Gohmert, who is vice chair of the House Judiciary Subcommittee on Crime, Terrorism, Homeland Security, and Investigations, was then quizzed on whether he was interested in the job himself.

“I hadn’t planned on it. I’m running for the RSC chair,” Gohmert answered, referring to the Republican Study Committee, a group of House Republicans charged with advancing a conservative social and economic agenda.

Gohmert then added:

“But it’s always good when you have choices.”

Indeed it is.

There would be nothing better to kick off the new year than a Louiethon.  Imagine Louie Gohmert leading the Republican majority!

Hey, quit cringing.  It could not possibly get any worse and at least Louie is a whole boatload of fun.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

Well, Governor-elect Greg Abbott held a press conference this morning and announced his first two big plans for Texas.

1.  He’s gonna stop Ebola.

2.  He’s gonna sign an open carry bill.

So, there ya got it.  Just want Texas needs – less Ebola and more guns.

Phew, glad that’s solved.

Y’all, I have to admit it.  You do not know how many times y’all could be raising bail money for me.

Vivian Fulk, the chairwoman of the Stokes County, North Carolina Democratic Party was arrested on Tuesday and charged with assault after an altercation at the Foreign Legion Hall in King.

According to the Greensboro News and Record, King Police Chief Paula May said Fulk “dumped tea on a man and kicked him in the groin.”

Local Fox affiliate Channel 8 reported that the hall was being used as a polling place at the time of the incident. Fulk was arrested at 5:04 p.m. and charged with one count of felony simple assault.

The news is not reporting any more than that but I’m on her side.

I did pour a beer on a man once and told him he was no damn good.  That man was never a Justice of the Peace again after that.

*UPDATE*

There’s more.

The chairwoman of the Stokes County Democratic Party told King police that the man she is accused of assaulting Tuesday had argued with her and called her a profane name and a liar before she kicked him in the groin and threw herbal tea on him, authorities said Wednesday.

I do think that’s a waste of perfectly good herbal tea.

Get a load of this —

Remember when Bush and Cheney lied bald faced to us?  Remember when they stood up and denied torturing?  And to this day, they deny that they ever did anything wrong?  Oh yeah, Republicans said they were standing tough and acting like he-men.

Remember that?

Well, look here —

Bush is tough.  Obama is defiant.

We need to get that ex-boxer to roll some heads.

I get tickled when Republicans point to Texas big cities as economic success stories.  Every big city in Texas is governed by a Democrat.  My favorite, of course, is Houston Mayor Annise Parker.

Amid chest thumping, Republicans have decided that she must go.  For example, we get this today …

Two things about the author, J. Matt Barber.  (1) he is a retired heavyweight boxer, and (2) he’s an idiot.  But, I guess you already knew the second one.

Parker terms-out in two years, which is a shame because she’s been an amazing mayor and was elected outright against five opponents last time.  Yet, Barber wants to “boot her out the door,” and says “Parker’s head’s gotta roll.”

I don’t know if he’s really retired from boxing.

The thing he seems the most upset about is bathrooms.  He says that LGBT men “who sign up for the ever-persecuted ‘LGBT’ class have secured the hard-fought ‘civil right’ to fully expose themselves to, and otherwise ogle, your daughters in the ladies’ room.”  See #2 above.  I don’t think he understands how women’s bathrooms, lewdness laws, or LGBT works.

But that’s not all.

Oh no, Texas has a district court judge trying to overrule a federal judge.

A state district judge in Houston has ordered the city to stop providing benefits to the same-sex spouses of employees, but city officials say the decision will have no impact because a federal judge has already ruled that the benefits must remain in place.

State District Judge Lisa Millard issued a temporary restraining order halting the benefits Wednesday in response to a request from former Harris County GOP Chair Jared Woodfill, who has filed a second lawsuit against Mayor Annise Parker and the city over her decision to extend benefits to same-sex spouses.

Well hell, Houston is just your regular Sodom and Gomorrah, ain’t it?

So on the glory of their victory, gays are the next target.  I figure that next comes the requirement that you have to go to church on Sunday an attendance will be taken.  But, because we have freedom of religion, you may attend the Baptist church of your choice.