Y’all, Darrell Issa went on Candy Crowley’s show yesterday and touted a smart phone app where you can monitor your temperature so you’ll know if you get The Ebola.

Really.

No.  No, there’s not.

The app he held up is for weather temperature.  Last I checked, there’s a difference.  It could be that his committee voted to make it the same for easy and tax-free figuring.  I dunno about that because I get heart palpitations when I watch his rude butt jack with the Constitution so I don’t watch much.

So, yes, there is an app for body temperature.  I downloaded it.  It doesn’t work for crap and comes with this warning —

Entertainment purposes.

So, best I can figure, Darrell Issa is walking around thinking he has a temperature of 66 degrees.

Thanks to Julie for the heads up.

Okay, this story comes sliding down the chute from Robertson County, Texas.   Roberson County is kinda hidden between the shadows of Huntsville and Killeen.

The current county judge is Democrat Jan Roe.  Roe has an opponent in this election who seems to have found an interesting way to win:  instead of using teevee or newspaper ads, he’s hired a guy to hand voters the money thereby bypassing the middle man.

The allegations stem from two affidavits signed by a mother and son from Robertson County who claim Charles Ellison and one of his supporters were handing out campaign cards at a Hearne food bank on Sept. 25 and telling people if Ellison won and the card was returned to him, they’d be paid $5.

So the Democratic County Chair filed a complaint with the District Attorney.  Now, here’s where it gets weird.

The Invisible DA

The District Attorney is Republican Coty Siegert, who got elected by 292 votes two years ago when the incumbent DA pulled some hanky panky in getting his family members out of trouble.

The new Republican DA has an interesting take as to what his job is.

Siegert said he’s sent an investigator to speak with Ellison and the supporter who’s being accused, but isn’t going to “get real visible until after the election” as to not “hamper the election process.”

Oh hell yeah, let’s not get to the bottom of this and stop it before election day.  I mean cutting off a fellow Republican’s vote buying might mess up his whole GOTV effort.

But, things change real fast when Charles Ellison, the accused vote buyer, took a polygraph test and passed it.  All of a sudden, hampering the election process becomes way less important.

Y’all, the DA put an epic saga on his damn Facebook page of the legal finding of facts in this case.  On his damn Facebook page.  (Scroll down to October 21st.)  Then, he blames the Democratic County Chair of using the DA’s office for political purposes.

Holy damn cow.  He’s accusing her of a crime for reporting a crime.  On. His. Facebook. Page.  Picture this:  “Your Honor, as legal precedence I would like to cite Facebook page 1329456 section “Happy Face LIKE”.

Now I would also like to remind you that the guy who was actually accused of offering the bribe in Ellison’s behalf was not given a polygraph.

Now I’ve got one more interesting part to this story and that’s a guy named Ty Clevenger.  Ty has several blogs and seems a tad obsessed with Democratic incumbent county judge Jan Roe.  Sometimes he strays outside of politics.  He had a blog post about the pants being worn by a junior high school volleyball team, which he calls Spandex Booty Shorts.  There is this memorable paragraph.

And that is the problem: parents who adopt the soft-porn standards of our culture, rather than protecting their kids’ right to be kids. (I could tell you what the Bible says about modesty, but most Baptists don’t care about that anymore, much less members of the squishier denominations).

Squishier denominations?  You mean like them floozy Methodists?

No, really, a District Attorney put his legal findings on a Facebook page.

Thanks to Shellie for the heads up.

The Daily Show has moved to Austin this week for South by South Mess.

Tonight’s guest will be Wendy Davis and a pretty good Austin band.

You might want to tune in.

I have a laugh line I use in speeches.  It goes like this, “I have voted Democratic my entire life.  I’m proud of that.  And when I die, I want to be buried in Duvall County so I can continue to vote Democratic.”

Well, hell, apparently if I’m buried in New Hampshire, I can continue writing editorials.

On Monday, Foster’s Daily Democrat in New Hampshire published a blistering op-ed piece attacking Sen. Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH) by former House Speaker Marshall Cobleigh.

There was an unusual wrinkle: Cobleigh died in February 2009. The op-ed was actually a reprint of when it was first published in July 3, 2008.

And then at the very end of the article, they put …

Probably because that sounded better than, “Scott Brown can’t answer on his own because he’s just vaguely familiar with grammar, spelling, and thinking.  He has real bad luck when it comes to thinking.”

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Most Republicans keep their real motivations indoors.  They put on a dandy face and leave the ghosts and goblins at home when they venture out in proper company.

One slipped out.

Meet Republican Michael Peroutka, a candidate for the Anne Arundel County Council, an area that includes Annapolis, Md.

Peroutka starts by throwing a fit about  “hordes of non-white immigrants.”   He favors secession so the South can return to its “Anglo-Celtic” roots.  But, that’s just getting warmed-up.

Peroutka opposes gay marriage, says he believes in creationism and favors the dismantling of public education, which he has called “a plank in the Communist Manifesto.”

He sang “Dixie” at a League of the South conference in 2012, calling it “the national anthem.”

Look, I’m not saying that all Republicans are racist homophobes.  I’m just saying that all racist homophobes are Republicans and there’s a damn good reason for that.  Even Republicans who aren’t racist homophobes have something about them that attracts racist homophobes. You’d think they’d try to figure out what that is, but they don’t.  They are too busy talking about building a fence on the border and stopping marriage equality.  Then they want to act shocked, shocked I tell you, when a blazing racist homophobe wants to hold their hand.

Anyway, back to Peroutka.  He is probably gonna win because he’s running in a GOP stronghold.  .

Thanks to Tina for the heads up.

Utah Republican Congressman and part time rocket scientist Jason Chaffetz is not a fan of Ron Klain as Ebola Czar.

Chaffetz has a much better idea.

“Why not have the surgeon general head this up?” Chaffetz asked in a Wednesday appearance on Fox News. “I think that’s a very legitimate question. At least you have somebody who has a medical background whose been confirmed by the United States Senate.”

Okay, two things.  No, three things.  I just thought of another thing.

1.  There is no surgeon general because … well, you.  The President nominated a teacher at Harvard Medical School but that guy refused to say that bullets are good for you so Republicans blocked him and refuse to act on his appointment.

2.  You guys holler and screamed that this country needs an Ebola Czar.  Now you’re whining because he got one.

3.  No, Ruch Limbaugh cannot be Ebola Czar based on his vast drug experiences.

Hours after saying this, Chaffetz said that he meant the acting surgeon general.

“Well I do know there’s an acting surgeon general, I understand that. The surgeon general is also an office. It’s the Office of the Surgeon General. I know there’s some confusion there, but I don’t think I was confused,” Chaffetz said.

Yeah, tripped yourself, didn’t ya?

Thanks to Glen for the heads up.