You’re gonna think this is from The Onion.

It ain’t.

It’s genuine certain powerful truth.  Rick Perry can’t remember what crimes he got his butt indicted for.

No, seriously.

Perry was a little unclear when explaining what felony charges were issued against him.”I’ve been indicted by that same body now for I think two counts, one of bribery, which I’m not a lawyer, so I don’t really understand the details here,” Perry said of the grand jury that indicted him.

A grand jury indicted Perry last week on two felony counts — abuse of official capacity and coercion of a public official — over a 2013 veto threat.

It’s not that complicated.

1. Abuse of official capacity

2. Coercion of a public official

3. Thank goodness, there’s nothing for him to forget here.

There’s no bribery charge.

But this might be a hint that we should look for one.  He probably did that, too.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Do you remember the old song “Fox went out on a chilly night?”

I wrote one for Rick.

Ol’ Rick went out on a dusty day,
And warned the coyotes to stay away
He didn’t have time to hang and play
And shoot them in the head-oh!
Dead-oh! Bled-oh!
He didn’t have time to hang and play
And shoot them in the head-oh.

Right outside, on the statehouse lawn,
He ran into his buddy Sean.
They both had all their Kevlar on
And a big fat American flag-oh.
Drag-oh! Scrag-oh!
They both had all their Kevlar on
And a great big American flag-oh.

They rode on down to a border town
And Rick and Sean both had a frown:
The water in the river was down
And illegals were coming over.
Plover! Red-Rover!
The water in the river was down
And illegals were coming over.

“The Rio Grand should be a moat,”
Said Rick, “we oughta get a boat.
We’ll be the baddest guys afloat,
With grenades and a machine gun.
Green gun! Mean gun!
We’ll be the baddest guys afloat ,
With grenades and a machine gun.”

They mounted up, these two brave men,
To answer Texas’ call again,
But the enemies’ age was eight or ten
And there was no one to shoot-oh.
Root-oh! Boot-oh!
Just a bunch of kids, aged eight or ten,
That you’re not allowed to shoot-oh.

And that was Perry’s finest hour:
Making children run and cower.
He always would abuse his power
And it soon got him indicted.
Fighted! Blighted!
His pattern of reckless abuse of power
Has now got him indicted!

All together now …..

Our friend Ms. Jay in New York signs up for Republican newsletters to keep an eye on the bad guys.  Please realize that she has never given a dime to any damn Republican or done anything for Republicans except give them her email address.

Apparently, the GOP has some pretty low standards for “most loyal supporters.”

They are telling her their secrets and ordering her not to forward this email.  She sent it to me instead.  So, you get to know the GOP secret strategy to win in 2014.

Click the little one to read the big one.

Okay, so here’s the deal.  They are going to get volunteers.  They are going to talk to their volunteers.  They will also talk to their candidates and parties.  They will use a data delivery system that Democrats have had for years.

So the secret GOP strategy  is “get some damn volunteers.”  I wish we had thought of that.

Thanks to Ms. Jay for the neato email.

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The trial court judge is not impressed with Rick Perry’s schoolyard bully talk .

Judge Julie Kocurek of the 390th District Court, a Democrat, said Perry’s Saturday statement, issued a day after the indictment, could be construed as a threat and possible violation of the law. Kocurek, as the administrative presiding judge of all criminal courts in the county, said that “no one is above the law,” and the public needs to know that grand jurors are legally protected from any threat.

The judge was upset that Perry said, “I am confident we will ultimately prevail, that this farce of a prosecution will be revealed for what it is, and that those responsible will be held to account.” Of course, the only people responsible are the judge, the special prosecutor, and the grand jurors.

So, she stood up to the bully.

Threatening a grand juror is a second degree felony with a 20 year prison sentence.

Keep pounding your chest, Rick. It’s entertaining.

I got my fundraising letter from RICKPAC today.

Oddly, he doesn’t mention that he’s raising money to pay lawyers.  Click the little one to see the big one.

In case you haven’t heard, Texas journalists are taking Rick’s indictment far more seriously than national journalists are.  Three reasons for that in my mind.  (1) They know Rick Perry.  (2)  They know Texas law.  (3)  Oh crap, I forgot.