While Republican politicians send all the firepower to the border, we’re not looking in North Dallas.  Homegrown terrorism.

Police arrested a self-described “sovereign citizen” accused of shooting at police and firefighters after setting fire to a trash bin in Dallas.

No one was hurt and the Don’t Tread On Me dude turned himself in, but not before …

He called in a missing person report on himself, bombed a dumpster, threatened a babysitter and an 8 year old child, grabbed his AK47, started shooting propane tanks, and for good measure – he shot a damn firetruck.

Police said the man, whose name has not been released, called 911 to say he was part of the anti-government sovereign citizen movement.

Investigators said the man apparently set the Dumpster fire and called in the missing persons report as part of a planned ambush on officers.

Where are Rick Perry and Sean Hannity when you really need them?

Greg Abbott is the Texas Attorney General who wants to be Governor.

He likes suing the Obama administration.  You know, for fun.  And since all the deadbeat dads have paid their child support and there’s no public corruption, mortgage fraud, human trafficking, cybercrimes or medicare fraud happening in Texas, he’s sued the federal government over two dozen times.

And he’s convinced that there is massive voter fraud going on in Texas in minority communities.  And his office stands ready and willing to invade your privacy to prove it.

In 2006, Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott, charged with upholding the law, deployed his office in an “investigation” to prove voter fraud that was dubbed a “wild goose chase.” It was during this “investigation” that an elderly woman said in a sworn statement that two investigators from Greg Abbott’s office were peeking in her bathroom window.

Sixty nine year old Gloria Meeks of Fort Worth was stepping out of her shower to discover two investigators from the attorney general’s office looking in her bathroom window.  She was buck nakkid and screamed her fool head off, which seems very appropriate to me.

The investigators admitted that they did look in the bathroom window but defended it by saying that they thought it was a kitchen window. Which, you know, makes it so much better.

Ms. Meeks was being investigated because she helped some elderly and disabled people vote.  All of them were eligible and everything was on the up and up.

And this is why we cannot let Greg Abbott be Governor.  I do not want his investigators peeking in my windows for any damn reason.  I think they’re a bunch f Republican perverts.

Thanks to John for the heads up.

David Dewhurst holds the distinction of having his butt on a rope handed to him by wild tea party candidates not once, but twice.  He lost to Ted Cruz for senate and Dan Patrick for Lt. Governor.

I think he’s just given up.

The Federal Election Commissioner just sent him this letter (opens in PDF) about his financial filings.

There’s a few problems.

Your report discloses a negative ending cash balance of $14,332.61. This suggests that you have overdrawn your account, made a mathematical error, or incurred a debt.

That’s illegal.  You can’t have a negative balance unless you show an unpaid loan.  Dew didn’t.

Schedule D of your report itemizes debt owed to Fulbright & Jaworski, LLP with an outstanding beginning balance. This debt was not included on your previous report.

So he forgot he had lawyers?  Fancy ones, at that?

You all know James O’Keefe?  The totally insane rightwing idiot who keeps getting arrested for his illegal investigatory techniques?

This time his big story is that you can wear a cheap Osama bin Laden mask on the border between Texas and Mexico and not get shot.  Which appears to be unfortunate.

Oh yes, this is a picture he had someone take of him.

Filming at a narrow strip of the Rio Grande River in Hudspeth County, Texas, O’Keefe bemoans the lack of border security with county sheriff Arvin West. “I don’t see a single federal officer anywhere,” O’Keefe says.

He then crosses — illegally? — into Mexico and wades back across the Rio Grande into American territory. “Let me tell you something, if the president or Sen. (Harry) Reid or anybody tries to tell you our border is secure, they are lying to you,” he laments.

Now you know some federal officers were hooting laughing watching the live drone pictures of some skinny white dude crossing back and forth on the river and then putting on Halloween clothes.

The ghost of Osama bin Laden just ain’t as scary as you’d suspect, James.  And neither are you.

Thanks to Carol for the heads up.

Y’all, in the year of our Lord 2006, which according to my faux jewel encrusted pocket calculator is pretty much exactly almost 8 years ago, the Texas Education Agency met with some parents who were not teaching their homeschooled kids much of anything except music.  The reason?  Jesus was coming.

Apparently, there are no SAT questions in heaven.

According to a ruling last week by the Texas Eighth District Court of Appeals, Michael McIntyre and Laura McIntyre removed their nine children from a private school in 2004 to homeschool them.

Michael McIntyre’s twin brother, Tracy, testified that the parents used empty space in a motorcycle dealership that he co-owned as a classroom. But Tracy said that he never saw the children reading books, using computers or doing arithmetic. Instead, the children were seen playing instruments and singing.

“Tracy overhead one of the McIntyre children tell a cousin that they did not need to do schoolwork because they were going to be raptured,” the court document noted.

I have no explanation about why they continued to sell motorcycles because best I understand the scriptures, you cannot ride a Harley through the Pearly Gates.  Well, maybe you can but it doesn’t seem proper.

So, two years later, the Texas Education Agency looks into it.

And then last week, Texas courts ruled that those parents, with Jesus coming or not, had to educate their children.

So, they quit educating their kids in 2004 and it’s now 2014.  That means 10 years of education is gone.  I cannot prove this, but I believe that those kids are the founders of the Texas Tea Party.

Just thought you’d want to know.

Thanks to Frank for the heads up.

If you don’t know The Benham Brothers, you have missed a treat.  They were all set to have a show on HGTV where they redo houses for “deserving people,” and give them a “forever home.”  Ahhhh, decorating and tears – a winning combination.

Well, come to find out, the Benham Brothers are Super DeLux Brand Christians who have said some rather judgmental and hateful things about Muslims, women who seek an abortion, and gay people.  I don’t know this for a dead certain guaranteed fact but I suspect that some gay people might work at HGTV and some gay people might even watch it.  Again, I do not have proof of that.  I am just speculating.

So, their show got canceled because they tipped the acceptable hate scale even in the south.

Next they did what every person who gets called out for hate-speech does.  They cast themselves as victims for Jesus.  You’d think they were John the Baptist’s head on a platter with all the chest pounding and carrying on they do.   The Benham Brothers are now professional martyrs and making pretty good money at it in the supermarket parking lots of Super DeLux Brand Christian book signings and hootenannies.

So who shows up next?

Yes, that right there is un-gay man Rick Perry enjoying a thigh-grabbing moment with two other un-gay men.  You know what they say:  you are not gay if you only have sex with other straight men.

The folks over at Joe. My. God. are having way too much fun with this.  Warning to Momma:  Do not click that link.  There are dirty words, gross thoughts, and deeds at that link.  But, some are very funny.  A couple I picked.

“Weeeeeee! I’m having more fun than Marcus Bachman at a quiche eating contest!”

Cheerleader Sandwich.

The conservative equivalent of the KFC Double Down. Two deep fried southern nitwits sandwiching a whole lottta cheese – with a little bit of pork thrown into the mix.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.