Archive for June, 2014

Fun With Guns: The Republican Way Edition

June 18, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

It’s the Texas-based GOPUSA again, y’all.

They departed from selling verbal paranoia long enough to sell you a $10,000 precision guided firearm that can hit a moving target 1,000 yards away, especially wolves.  Hell, Bubba, you can hit things you can’t even see!

Click the little one to read the big one.

 

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Republicans have a great marketing tool.  First they scare you up real good about that Obama guy and how Hillary Clinton has reeducation camps already planned and then they sell you  gun with a camera and wifi on it to make your kill public in real time.

If you dare —

Republicans:  We can blow crap up!

 

 

Because He’s Nuts

June 17, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Shortly after comparing gays to alcoholism, Texas Governor Rick Perry met with a Jewish reporter at a deli in Beverly Hills, California.  Bad crap happened.

For staters:

RickPerry:God_2smallestPerry took a moment to appreciate his surroundings. “I’m more Jewish than you think I am,” he told me. “I read the part of the Bible that said the Jews are God’s chosen people.”

Well, dude, God did not chose you in the Republican Presidential debates.

Perry told me that he loves California, vacations in San Diego annually, visits the state about six times a year and might even move here in January when he’s done with his 14-year stint running Texas. That is, if he does not somehow decide to run for president.

Rick, Babe, me and about 300 of my friends are headed to Austin to help you pack up the moving van.

“When I step out of my current job,” Perry said, “and I have 15 or 20 productive years left in my body, I want to be able to have as in-depth an understanding about this world as possible.”

Productive years?  Son, you’ve never had productive years.  You vetoed the equal pay bill.  You’ve had futile years.  Take a lesson from Dubya, go learn to paint pictures of cats and bathtubs.

Thanks to Melissa for the heads up.

 

And When Exactly Did Iraq Have Freedom, Senator

June 17, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Just when you thought Louie Gohmert and Rick Perry were hogging all the stoopid in Texas …

From the Twitter machine ….

 

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Holy crap, Senator, just go ahead and say the N word.  You’ll feel better.

Thanks to Monty for the heads up.

Hey, It Worked For The Government

June 16, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

The folks of the Idaho Republican Party thought that the government shutdown was swanky and smooth.  They wanted to shut down something, too.

They picked themselves.

No, seriously, the Idaho Republican Party shut themselves down at their state convention.  They spent three days in Boise and accomplished nothing.  Okay, so accomplishing nothing is a byproduct of Republicanism, but this one was a real doozie.

Ra__l_Labrador__Official_Portrait__112th_CongressRep. Raul Labrador (R-Idaho), the convention chairman, ended up bringing the meeting to an end before delegates could elect a new state party chair or vote on any party platform amendments, as they had set out to do.

“This is as low as the party can go,” said Labrador, according to the AP. “We have hit bottom. I think the party has no choice but to go up from here.”

The turmoil doesn’t bode well for Labrador, who announced his intent to run for House majority leader last week.

Hell, getting everybody to fight with each other so nothing gets done puts him the the damn lead for Cantor’s job.

Republicans:  putting a halt to humanity!

Thanks to Sharon for the heads up.

Hell, Y’all, It’s Mississippi

June 16, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

The bad news about the Thad Cochran / Chris McDaniel senate race in Mississippi is that one of them is going to win.

The good news is that the election isn’t until June 24th so we get some more free entertainment until then.

First, Cochran told the worst kept secret in Mississippi.

“It was fun, it was an adventure to be out there in the country and to see what goes on,” he said of his boyhood visits to Hattiesburg. “Picking up pecans, from that to all kinds of indecent things with animals.”

The audience chuckled.

“And I know some of you know what that is,” Cochran said.

Mississippi:  where men are men, girls are girls, and sheep are scared.

Well, I imagine that he’s going to be met with lots of “baaaaa” sounds in the halls of congress now, so he went on the attack.  Cochran is making sure that his opponent, McDaniel, a radio talk show host, has some ‘splainin’ to do to the Steeple People.

 

I can almost promise you that this ain’t the end of the dirty talk.  It ain’t considered a good Republican race in Mississippi unless everybody is feeling a little frisky by election day.

 

The Stages of Republican Primary Defeat

June 16, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I am slightly embarrassed to admit how much I enjoy watching Republicans get beat by their own.  Family squabbles are vicious because family members know what buttons to push.

The first stage of Republican primary defeat is smiling acceptance.  That lasts as long as the teevee cameras are filming on election night.  “I got beat.  It’s okay.  Now we have to all come together.”

The next morning, blame sets in.  “How could this have happened? It couldn’t have been me because I’m wonderful and I know I’m wonderful because Fox News says I am.  I need to fire my campaign staff.”

That lasts for a joyful hissy fit of about 15 minutes.

The third stage is bitterness.  As well as the fourth, fifth, and sixth stages.

Representative Eric Cantor of Virginia, the House majority leader, said Sunday that he saw a troublesome division within the Republican Party, as he discussed his stunning primary defeat, which many are assessing for possible evidence that the Tea Party is regaining steam among Republicans.

Though Mr. Cantor said in a separate interview, on CNN’s “State of the Union,” that the party’s internal struggles “pale in comparison” to its differences with Democrats, he said Republicans need to resolve their party’s own clash.

Of course, for Mr. Cantor, there was no clash until he was defeated and then it suddenly became a chasm.

He will become my favorite Republican character – Mr. Bitter.  For that, I thank the idiot who beat him.  And, Lord have mercy, that I have a feeling that Dave Brat is Sarah Palin without the brains.