Yesterday evening, my personal favorite statewide Democratic candidate, Leticia VanDePutte, came by our Democratic Headquarters to speak.  I love all our candidates, but Leticia is a wonderment.  She spoke to a standing room only crowd.

My sweet Bubba, who is the county chair, gave me the honor of introducing Leticia.  A bunch of people (okay, 3) asked me to put the introduction on my website because they wanted to steal it when they had a chance to introduce her.

In the speech, I refer to the 23 words.  For you people from foreign states, here they are:

Steal at will because everyone across Texas should know these true words about Leticia.

The night of the filibuster, those of us watching were bowled over when Leticia took the microphone and asked the question that no woman in Texas will ever forget.  She spoke for me, your grandmother, your sister, and most importantly, your daughter. She spoke for every woman in Texas.

For me, I will remember her question that night because she was the one who turned the filibuster over to the people.  It was in response to her simple question – with only 23 words – that the gallery went wild.  She continued to stand silently in respect – giving voice to those who actually own the government.  She trusted our voices.

Leticia, I will love you every moment of my life for that incredible gift.   As we say in this part of Texas, “Honey, you git it.”

She’s as smart as Rice University with a 50 pound dictionary.

She’s as sweet as a Grandmother’s kiss.

She hunts wildcats with a stick.

She will fight a rattlesnake on the devil’s back porch with one arm tied behind her back and give the snake three bites head start.

When she yells scat, you damn well better hunt your hole.

She is Leticia Van De Putte, and the point is NOW!

The Gays are all the news.  Click the little one to get the big one.

And if you want to read more about how The Gays are ruining America on purpose, you can read it here.   And yes, J. Matt Barber actually uses the word “Gaystapo.”

But Gaystapo is just the beginning.  Then he gets to really going —

Do you see what’s happening? Did you read that? That’s fear — deathly fear. Fear of a radical, hateful, intolerant, obnoxious, fascist, evil and power-crazed group of sex-obsessed anarchists who demand that we all affirmatively celebrate their deviant and self-destructive sexual sins.

He left off sons of motherless goats.

Matt teaches law at Liberty University, Jerry Falwell’s school, where they teach Christian love and tolerance.  Okay, maybe not so much.

I work for Houston’s best and classiest magazine – Outsmart.  My friend Glen Maxey says that’s impossible because, in his meaningless estimation, I am neither out nor smart.

You might enjoy this month’s rendition.  It’s called Top Twenty Ways Fire Ants are Better than Republicans.

Enjoy!

Mike Crowe writes me hate mail almost every month.  I have no idea why he keeps reading something he knows he’s gonna hate.  Must be a mental health issue, I dunno.

There’s a backstory that you folks from foreign states don’t know.  It goes like this.

The Travis County District Attorney is in charge of prosecuting public integrity in the state of Texas.  If a public official anywhere in the state commits a crime, the Travis County DA can prosecute it.  An example of this would be Tom DeLay.

Since it should not fall solely on the tax burden of the good people of Travis County, funding the public integrity unit is funded by the state of Texas.

The current Travis County DA, Rosemary Lehmberg, caught herself a DWI early last year.  She admitted guilt and spent 45 days in jail, paid a fine and had her law license suspended for 90 days – a punishment much tougher than any other first time DWI offender.  Lehmberg is a Democrat.  If she were to resign, Governor Rick Perry would appoint her successor.  The last damn thing this state needs is a Republican government and a Republican making them behave.  Cahooting would become our official  state pastime.

Lehmberg refused to resign.  The Republicans tried to make her by suing in civil court to have her removed.  They lost.

Now is when it gets really good.

Governor Rick Perry threatened her.  Last summer, Rick announced that either Lehmberg step down or he would veto funds to keep the public integrity unity open.  I’m gonna remind you that this was on the heels of accusations that the Lt. Governor of Texas, a Republican, falsified a time stamp during the Wendy Davis filibuster.

Since Perry got beat in court under the rule of law, he took the fight to the street by the rule of bully.

She stood firm.  And, as threatened, Rick Perry vetoed $2.7 million to keep the public integrity unit open.

Hell yeah, that’s coercion.

The Travis County DA’s office recused themselves from getting involved in this so the neighboring Williamson County DA’s office (which is run by a Republican) appointed a special prosecutor to see if Rick Perry violated the law.  The special prosecutor, a man named Michael McCrum, has worked for both Democrats and Republican.

Okay, seven months later, brings us to today.

Stopping short of saying he thinks a crime was committed, a special prosecutor said he is troubled by the actions of Gov. Rick Perry in carrying out a threat last year to withhold state funding from Travis County District Attorney Rosemary Lehmberg’s office unless she resigned after a DWI charge.

“I cannot elaborate on what exactly is concerning me, but I can tell you I am very concerned about certain aspects of what happened here,” San Antonio attorney Michael Mc-Crum said in an interview this week with the American-Statesman and KVUE-TV. Asked if his concerns pointed specifically at Perry or his staff, McCrum said, “Yes.”

Oh, yeah.

They will convene a grand jury the middle of this month.

Anybody want to go to the trial with me?

What’s next for Rick?  Dancing With the Felons?

Okay, Salon has an interview today with Salon, Chuck Thompson makes a well reasoned and research article that the South should secede and the North should let them.

We should get a divorce.

I have only one thing to say:  if you sumbitches leave me alone down here without giving me time to escape, I’m gonna come right upside your head with a jug of hacked-off juice.

You have been warned.

Thanks to Irene for the heads up.

As promised, the GOP primary race for Lt. Governor has been more fun than recess in heaven.

Dan Patrick is exactly like Ted Cruz except with more dumb and ego. Dewhurst, the incumbent, is one of those dreaded moderates who has actually shaken hands with a Democrat. Dewhurst, of course, is gonna get killed in the run-off next month.

And then there’s this in the Dewhurst camp:  two of his top campaign people have packed up their bags and left the campaign fast enough to play pitcher and catcher at the same time.

So, here we are, Dewhurst is not only losing but he’s being humiliated by people who were supposed to help him.

Which makes his opponent Dan Patrick and the Democrats both as happy as a cow in a field of belly-high clover.

Patrick is charmed by it all because the one thing you want most is your opponent sloshing around in muck when early voting starts 25 days.

Democrats are charmed by it all because Dan Patrick is not charmed.  He’s the meanest man you’ve ever met.  Given a chance, he would have rooted for Goliath.  This is the truth – he was baptized in vinegar.

Democrats have State Senator Leticia Van De Putte, a doozy.  She’d storm hell with both hands tied behind her back and her rudder missing.  Moderate Republicans with a lick of sense are knocking on her door.

So pretty much everybody is happy today, but Dan Patrick’s happy has the shelf life of a tomato.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up and John for the cool graphic.