Ya know, there are some damn crazy people in Texas who think they are characters in a Zane Gray novel.

C.J. Grisham is the leader of Open Carry Texas.  He organized the protest at the San Antonio Police Department in favor of open carry.  The vast majority of Texas police chiefs oppose open carry.

If you will click on the little picture to get the big one and then click again to get the holy cow that’s big picture, you will notice that Ole C.J. has deputized himself and got a badge of some sort.  They say that you cannot judge a man by the clothes, but in this case I think you safely can.

What pickles my nose the most, though, is the young man on the left with his pants tucked in his boots.  My best guess is that he couldn’t afford a car so he bought expensive boots to impress the girls.  A cowboy once told me that when a drugstore cowboy tucks his pants in his boots its so that he can wet his pants without a making a tell-tell puddle the first time he sees an actual bull.

If this young man wants to carry a military grade weapon, why the hell ain’t he in the military?  And if he wants to carry a confederate flag, why the hell ain’t he dead and buried on a battlefield in Virginia?

I have a real problem with this.  This isn’t even within shouting distance of how people in a civilized society ought to act.  That kid doesn’t appear to be … I dunno, educable material?  He has no business carrying two guns.  He looks like somebody who could win a grudge carrying contest.

This morning, Texas Senate Committee on Agriculture, Rural Affairs & Homeland Security is holding a hearing that will take up three charges, two of which are related to border security, the third is rather vague, it reads: “Study and make recommendations on removing barriers to Second Amendment Rights, including but not limited to open carry legislation. Consider other state laws related to open carry.”

C.J. and his buddies are scheduled to testify and so is the NRA.  Some folks got wind of this and the Texas Chapter of Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America demanded to be allowed to testify.

Kick ass, Moms.

Thanks to Stephanie for the heads up.

So People Magazine ran a contest featuring people who are beautiful at any age (Real Beauty At Any Age) and Bob Farris is plenty upset that his lovely bride did not win.

Bob is pitchin’ himself a wall eyed snot nosed hissy fit because he says his wife was rejected for posing with a firearm.

That is ridiculous.  Take it from a professional – she got rejected because Perky Plum lipstick never goes with Jasmine Wine blush.  You cannot mix food groups in your makeup application.  That’s the first lesson they teach you at Mary Kay.

Yeah, Thelma didn’t win either.  I think it may have been the size 26 leopard leotards or the fact that by the time we got her hair in the picture there wasn’t room for much else.

Thanks to Charles for the heads up.

The issue is about “using public land to develop 1,000-1,500 units of affordable housing on a 3-5-year timetable for families earning $30,000-$50,000 a year.”

A little known fact:  people who support that are going to burn in hell.

In a debate with the upcoming county board candidates, one of them, Stephen W.C. Holbrook, is powerfully upset that … well, it’s hard to tell amid the words he says but he’s just real certain that burning in hell is involved and even sent Cardinal Dolan a “strongly worded” email attesting to such hell burning.  I do not know what Cardinal Dolan has to do with housing in Virginia but I suspect he might be an expert of the burning in hell part.

Mr. Holbrook is also not real happy with Baptist.  It’s unclear if he thinks they’re going to burn in in hell but he certain thinks they are a dirty bunch.  Following a debate in the  St. John’s Baptist Church, where candidates were urged to support the low income housing, Mr Holbrook announced …

“I am a Catholic and that meeting in that church was the first time I ever went into a church and came out feeling dirty and that there was evil in that church. I thought that God was going to send down a lighting bolt unto those church leaders and their people and I didn’t want to be around them.”

“It took me two days and several baths to get the smell of greed and sin off of me but the other people there will go to hell for what they do and their church leaders are to blame,” Holbrook continued.

Okay, I guess I was wrong about him being unclear about Baptist burning in hell.  He’s pretty clear about that.  There’s fire involved.

Oh, and by the way, teachers are going to burn in hell, too.

Holbrook blames the teachers group for the county’s increased spending on public schools, which he opposes.

“The teachers’ union has already bitten the forbidden apple by showing their willingness to take unearned taxpayers’ assets for their vote for the Democratic candidate here and they will burn in Hell for their sinful deeds,” he writes.

Okay, so we have teachers, Baptist, people who favor affordable housing, and I am certain there is a bus driver or two who have pissed him off.  It’s gonna be a pretty decent size bonfire, folks.  It might be worth a trip with grandma and the kids to see it.

Thanks to Monty for the heads up.

Yesterday evening, my personal favorite statewide Democratic candidate, Leticia VanDePutte, came by our Democratic Headquarters to speak.  I love all our candidates, but Leticia is a wonderment.  She spoke to a standing room only crowd.

My sweet Bubba, who is the county chair, gave me the honor of introducing Leticia.  A bunch of people (okay, 3) asked me to put the introduction on my website because they wanted to steal it when they had a chance to introduce her.

In the speech, I refer to the 23 words.  For you people from foreign states, here they are:

Steal at will because everyone across Texas should know these true words about Leticia.

The night of the filibuster, those of us watching were bowled over when Leticia took the microphone and asked the question that no woman in Texas will ever forget.  She spoke for me, your grandmother, your sister, and most importantly, your daughter. She spoke for every woman in Texas.

For me, I will remember her question that night because she was the one who turned the filibuster over to the people.  It was in response to her simple question – with only 23 words – that the gallery went wild.  She continued to stand silently in respect – giving voice to those who actually own the government.  She trusted our voices.

Leticia, I will love you every moment of my life for that incredible gift.   As we say in this part of Texas, “Honey, you git it.”

She’s as smart as Rice University with a 50 pound dictionary.

She’s as sweet as a Grandmother’s kiss.

She hunts wildcats with a stick.

She will fight a rattlesnake on the devil’s back porch with one arm tied behind her back and give the snake three bites head start.

When she yells scat, you damn well better hunt your hole.

She is Leticia Van De Putte, and the point is NOW!

The Gays are all the news.  Click the little one to get the big one.

And if you want to read more about how The Gays are ruining America on purpose, you can read it here.   And yes, J. Matt Barber actually uses the word “Gaystapo.”

But Gaystapo is just the beginning.  Then he gets to really going —

Do you see what’s happening? Did you read that? That’s fear — deathly fear. Fear of a radical, hateful, intolerant, obnoxious, fascist, evil and power-crazed group of sex-obsessed anarchists who demand that we all affirmatively celebrate their deviant and self-destructive sexual sins.

He left off sons of motherless goats.

Matt teaches law at Liberty University, Jerry Falwell’s school, where they teach Christian love and tolerance.  Okay, maybe not so much.

I work for Houston’s best and classiest magazine – Outsmart.  My friend Glen Maxey says that’s impossible because, in his meaningless estimation, I am neither out nor smart.

You might enjoy this month’s rendition.  It’s called Top Twenty Ways Fire Ants are Better than Republicans.

Enjoy!

Mike Crowe writes me hate mail almost every month.  I have no idea why he keeps reading something he knows he’s gonna hate.  Must be a mental health issue, I dunno.