I have two reoccurring reports.  Fun with Guns is about people who “accidentally” hurt themselves or someone else with a gun.  And Holy Crap is about steeple people doing very unchristian things.

And sometimes the two meet in a convergence of unbelievable proportions.

In an effort its spokesman has described as “outreach to rednecks,” the Kentucky Baptist Convention is leading “Second Amendment Celebrations,” where churches around the state give away guns as door prizes to lure in nonbelievers in hopes of converting them to Christ.

As many as 1,000 people are expected at the next one, on Thursday at Lone Oak Baptist Church in Paducah, where they will be given a free steak dinner and the chance to win one of 25 handguns, long guns and shotguns.

I’m not making this one up.  I promise I am not.

Instead of the Second Amendment, how ’bout we honor the Second Commandment according to Sweet Jesus in the 12th chapter of Mark.

And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

Yo, Kentucky Baptists, honoring Isaiah 2:4 wouldn’t hurt none either.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

It’s cold, wet, and a great day for ducks in Texas.  We had sleet thunder in Richmond last night and then a little thundersnow for fun.

It’s also primary voting day.  I’ll be live blogging election results tonight until I give up and go to bed.  The polls in Austin didn’t open until 11:00 am, so they’ll stay open until 9:00 pm or until everybody is in the hospital from sliding around on ice – whichever comes first.

If you live in Texas, this is why I keep telling you to vote early.  If I say it’s Christmas you better buy some little twinkly lights and I say vote early, dammit.

Bubba is going around to the Democratic election workers with bags of goodies because those folks are doing the Lord’s work and get paid almost enough to cover their gas money.

One Republican side election worker asked if she could have a bag and Bubba said, “Oh, I’d give you one but then that would make you dependent on me and I don’t want to do that.”  He also added that if the Republican county chairman wasn’t so lazy and cheap, he’d be out doing this, but nooooo ….

One funny incident this morning.  This is supposedly a heavily Republican county.  However, the GOP couldn’t get enough election workers to work their own primary.  So, Democrats are filling-in for the Republicans in about half a dozen precincts.  Early this morning, one of our precinct judges was iced-in and couldn’t get to the poll.  (She lives way out in the country.)  Her Republican counterpart, a city dude, got there and opened it.  The county election supervisor asked the Republican if he would do the Democratic election until our worker could get there.  He refused.  You know, because Democrats have cooties.  So, we took one of our workers from her own poll, where she had some workers, and moved her over there with instructions to irritate that sumbitch every chance she got.  I’m taking her a harmonica.

A friend sent me this from a small town newspaper near Austin.  Click the little one to get the big one.

I’m here to tell you that property near Round Top is expensive and I think I don’t need to tell you that a six bedroom house with a two bedroom “carriage house” ain’t  gonna be cheap to build.

So, here’s my question:  how can a man who has never once in his whole adult life held a public sector job get that damn rich?  That man has drawn a government paycheck his entire adult life.

Second, if he’s running for President, why would he want to remind people of the Bush ranch?

Third, he running for President?  Really?  Has he learned to read or something?

Thanks to Cecil for the heads up.

Katy, Texas, which is within spittin’ distance of where I live, is a growing mini-mansion area filled with rich Republicans and poor Republicans who think the rich Republicans are going to make them rich, too, any day now.

If you wonder why the poor Republicans are so delusional, I have an instructional video.

Eugene Thompson says he got into a fight with his live-in girlfriend.  Her estranged husband shows up.  We’re real lax about all the niceties concerning how many husbands and boyfriends you can live with in Texas.

So the estranged husband comes barging in to protect his wife, even though he doesn’t like her much.  And here’s where the story starts.

Thompson pulled out his replica sword from the “Legend of Zelda” Nintendo game.

“And I pulled it out and I stood in the doorway and he was just coming down that hall at me while I was yelling ‘Go away you don’t live here.’ And he just walked right into the point. I don’t know if he thought it was a toy,” Thompson said.

The estranged husband was stabbed in the chest and leg during the brawl. He was taken to the hospital in serious condition.

Thompson was allegedly hit with a flower pot and treated for a head gash. The woman was not injured.

Eugene Thompson: What do you mean allegedly hit with a flower pot. That ain’t no alleged bump on my head.

Now here’s the best part of the story:

No word on if any charges were filed.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

Most of you know that Texas Congressfool Steve Stockman is running against Senator John Cornyn for the highly undistinguished honor of being the Republican nominee for Senate in Texas.

Cornyn’s people dug up an old mug shot of Stockman and started putting it all over town.

Stockman was arrested in 1977 for felony possession of valium.  The case was dismissed and Stockman says the record was expunged.

I didn’t say anything about it because I know plenty folks who made some mistakes and then turned themselves around and have lived a distinguished and honorable life.  I figured it would backfire on Cornyn.

But, noooooooo.  Stockman couldn’t just explain and let it be.  He had to threaten someone.

Stockman probably needs that valium now.

He’s gone batcrap crazy and is threatening to file criminal charges against anyone who posts his mug shot on the internet machine.  You know, this one.

Oh yeah, batcrap crazy.

Michigan’s 43rd Judicial District Clerk stated Stockman was never convicted of any charge and the documents were supposed to have been destroyed in 1978. Another Michigan official has advised Stockman he has grounds to file criminal complaints against any person or media organization that published the documents.

Well, that does it.  I will not publish his mugshot on my internet page.  Not me.  I kinda figure this picture isn’t worth actual criminal charges being filed against me.

So, you know, I will not post it.

Now, if I knew some lawyers, I might just start putting it in women’s restrooms all over Michigan.  And by “it”, I mean this.

But, since I do not know any lawyers, at least not any who would go to Michigan for me, I will have to be content with just looking at other people’s internet page with this picture.  You know, this one.

I’m sorry that Steve Stockman got in my face and issued a challenge to have me arrested in Michigan and I backed down.  I know you’re disappointed in me.  But, I just figure the picture isn’t worth going to jail over.  You know, this one.

Y’all, am I so cynical and jaded that I have deep suspicions about the minute that we start talking about major cuts to the defense budget, another Cold War breaks out?

Is this just coincidence?  Or do we live in a world where war is always damn breaking out?

I dunno.  It’s probably just me.