In case you are falsely laboring under the suspicion that Texas is the only state with batcrap crazzzzy Republicans, pull up a chair, have a seat, and prepare yourself for something so grotesquely insane that it deserves some real special kind of award.

Greg Brannon is the frontrunner in the Florida GOP primary for Senate.  I think he figures that Ted Cruz has made psychotic acceptable in the Senate.

According to North Carolina GOP Senate candidate Greg Brannon, Planned Parenthood has a secret plan to legalize the killing of newborn babies as old as three months. Brannon, a Rand Paul-backed obstetrician who is a front-runner for the GOP nomination, made the allegations at a November fundraiser for Hand of Hope, a chain of crisis pregnancy centers he operates in North Carolina.

And why would women kill their new born babies?

Evolution.  Seriously.  Evolution and nihilism.

In the same speech, Brannon said women get abortions because of the same nihilistic worldview that causes them to believe in evolution. “We have people who believe they evolve from nothing, they came from nothing, they’ll go to nothing, and today doesn’t matter, so when they have a mistake, why not move on?” he said.

Holy crap on a highchair, I wanna meet this guy’s mother.  She must be a doozy.

Nihilistic world view?  To quote the famous philosopher Walter Sobchak: “Nihilists! F*^# me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.”

And now you know why they are called Looneytarians.

UPDATE:  customers corrected my misreading.  It’s North Carolina, not Florida.  Screw ‘um both – neither state is worth keeping.

Thanks to Sandi for the heads up.

Tom DeLay is convinced that Texas will turn blue but not because of changing demographics or that the population is getting younger in Texas.

Nope.

Texas will turn blue because of data.  Yep, technology.  That’s the ticket!  DeLay says that the Democrats have powerful coalition.

That coalition coupled with President Obama’s campaign machine and its digital approach to voters could damage Texas Republicans, he said.

“And we have nothing to counter it,” Delay said.

Obama didn’t beat former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney in last year’s presidential race on policy, image or anything else, Delay said.

It was the president’s 2012 digital strategy.

Obama’s campaign had dozens of computer engineers writing software and gathering data around the clock to find out what voters believe in, keep them motivated, organize them and turn them out at the polls, Delay said.

“It was incredibly impressive, and they did it all through technology,” he said. “That technology’s now in Texas.”

Democrats could turn Texas purple or blue “only because we allow it to happen,” Delay said.

Okay, so let me tell you what is going to happen next.  Tom DeLay will be forming a “technology” company.  He will round up a few software engineers and call it The True American Digital Free Enterprise Freedom Liberty and More Freedom Boutique.  He will go to GOP donors with a plan to save the GOP.

And like every other scam operation at www.TomDeLay.com, it will fail.  Since he was indicted there have been at least five money-making failures, including the one where you paid money to read his blog, at his website.

I can promise you that another one is coming.  Republicans don’t lose on bad ideas or the fact that they’re just a bunch of old white men with hateful plans.  They lose because they have don’t have computers!  Tom DeLay, the last relic of a dying political party will save them all by having hate in zeros and ones instead of words.

The man will do anything for a buck.  Mark my word.  That will be his newest scam.

Louie Gohmert is convinced, dammit, that getting health care makes you die earlier.

I know that sounds crazy, but only if you’ve read a book.

Concerning the Affordable Care Act.

“If we keep doing little fixes to it, that also helps keep it, so I would rather postpone it as much as possible without doing little fixes because the little fixes could end up giving us a system where we see the morality rate start coming down, you die earlier, not because it’s an actual death panel but because you don’t get the treatment.”

That’s not a statement.  That is just words strung together with barbed wire.  He’s saying that getting health care kills you.

I firmly believe that we missed the boat to riches beyond our wildest dreams.  Someone else was inspired by Louie to invent a best selling game at Toys R Us.

Thanks to Jan and Brian C for the heads up.

Lakewood church and Pastor Joel Osteen got ripped off on Sunday night for the approximately $600,000 in the church’s safe that was taken in on Sunday.  I dunno know if my math is correct, but that means they bring in about $32 million a year just on Sundays.  Tax free.

Bubba Jr calls Lakewood, which meets in Houston’s old basketball arena, “Six Flags Over Jesus.”

Osteen makes even more money with books, trinkets, and assorted whatnots.

Ain’t it time to tax churches?

Republicans.  Damn them.  They sit around at night and plot ways to make me crazy.  I know they do.  They say, “What totally insane thing can we do today to make the ladies at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon hair curl without a perm?”

It’s putting me out of business.

Remember me telling you about Texas Governor Wannabe Greg Abbott getting hit by a tree and collecting a $10 million tort settlement and then working hard to make sure nobody else in the history of Texas gets to get that much money for being hit by tree?

Well, he just got beat.  By a guy from Arkansas.

Josh Miller is in the Arkansas legislature and voted against the Medicaid expansion for his state.  Okay, so he’s a jerk.  But, it gets worse than jerk.  He moves straight to sumbitch in 60 seconds or less.

More than a decade ago, Arkansas Rep. Josh Miller (R) was in a catastrophic car accident that broke his neck and left him paralyzed. Medicare and Medicaid paid the $1 million bill for his hospitalization and rehabilitation. But this week, as the Arkansas legislature has debated continuing its privatized Medicaid expansion under Obamacare, Miller has remained steadfast in his opposition.

And why would he be opposed to something he’s still using?  I mean, why should everybody get what he gets?

The difference, he said, is that some of the 100,000 people who have gained coverage through Arkansas’s Medicaid expansion don’t work hard enough or just want access to the program so they can purchase and abuse prescription drugs.

Oh really?  Well, trot your hiney over to Wikipedia and take note.

Miller is disabled and uses a wheelchair because of an accident in young adulthood which damaged his spinal cord and involved the use of alcohol. Neither Miller nor the other occupant could recall who was the driver. Miller was uninsured at the time of the accident; Medicaid paid for the majority of the $1 million in hospitalization and rehabilitation costs.

You were so drunk that you didn’t know if you were driving?  You weren’t abusing drugs, though, right?  And you didn’t take any prescription painkillers after the accident, right?  And you’re working on paying the $1,000,000 back to the taxpayers who took care of you, right?

They make me crazy.  I think it’s on purpose.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

Yesterday was to have been the trial of United Methodist Church minister Dr. Thomas Ogletree for breaking church law when he performed the marriage of his son to another man.

The Rev Dr. Ogletree might be considered by some to have the proper qualifications to perform a marriage ceremony.

Before retiring, Dr. Ogletree, 79, was dean of both the Yale Divinity School and Drew Theological Seminary. He is currently professor Emeritus of Theological Ethics at Yale. From 1978-81 he was director of graduate studies in religion at Vanderbilt University. He’s the author of such books as The Use of the Bible in Christian Ethics and Hospitality to the Stranger: Dimensions of Moral Understanding. Since 1980, he has served on the editorial board of The Journal of Religious Ethics.

Phew!  Life well lived, dude.

So, he was prepared to go to trial when all of a sudden, it was over.

Yesterday morning, all charges were dropped by the bishop, and ….

And he didn’t just drop them, either. He turned them into a huge brass bell he used to ring what will likely be remembered as the death knell of the anti-gay policy of the largest mainline Christian denomination in the world.

From this day forward United Methodist Church will not discipline their ministers for performing gay marriages.

Whoa.  While you gotta admit that it took a cattle prod in their overalls to do it, they finally did it.

And then, because yesterday must have been Gay Day, the Pope – you heard me right – the damn Pope, is saying that maybe we shouldn’t be so hard on gay people in love.

Pope Francis has suggested that the Vatican could support gay civil unions in the future, according to one of the church’s most senior cardinals.

Cardinal Timothy Dolan said that the pontiff wants the Catholic Church to study same-sex unions, ‘rather than condemn them’.

So, all we have holding out is Texas, two ole boys over at the Texaco station who have their mouths filled with chewing tobacco, ignorant old people, and the Tea Party.  Okay, so the last two are the same.  That just leaves three.

Thanks to Johnnie for the heads up.