Archive for February, 2014

Holy Crap: When I-Told-You-So Becomes Moot Edition

February 17, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

We folks in the south know all about tent revivals, foot washing, speaking in tongues, and snaking handling.

The theory is this:  you can handle dangerous snakes if you trust in the Lord and ask God to protect you.

The problem with that theory is that snakes rarely have religion and they aren’t a damn bit ashamed about that.

Jamie Coots’ death appears to be the first from a snakebite in a Kentucky church service since November 2006, when a woman died after being bitten while worshipping at a Laurel County church.

Coots, a third-generation snake handler, was the pastor of a small church in Middlesboro, Full Gospel Tabernacle in Jesus Name.

Screen Shot 2014-02-17 at 8.36.10 AM

The Steeple People who snake handle says they are commanded by the book of Mark to do so.  That book, however, also says to drink poison but you don’t see them doing that.  Not near the glamour.

Coot’s family refused to take him to the hospital after he passed out so I guess they were a bit tired of him being a damfool, too.

Just a heads up:  you should never handle a Republican for the same reason.  They will bite you.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Is That Valium in Your Pants or Are You Just Anti-Anxiety to See Me?

February 15, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Okay, as if the Republican primary in Texas was not already a source of pride and entertainment, they now have the writ twits involved.

Steve Stockman (genuine crazy person) is running in the GOP primary against John Cornyn (who plays a crazy person in DeeCee).

Stockman jumped all over Cornyn by calling him Barack Obama’s best friend and then Stockman disappeared for a few weeks.  In his defense, he claims he did not disappear because people cannot disappear, and science the Bible clearly states that being invisible is not possible.  After all, he knew where he was.

So Cornyn’s people set up a little PAC called “I See Paris.  I See France.  I See Something in Steve’s Underpants.”  Okay, I made that up.  So sue me.  No wait.  I didn’t say that.  These guys probably would.  The PAC was named Texans for a Conservative Majority.

The PAC set about putting up a website where they reproduced a mug shot of Steve being charged with a felony for underwear drug possession, in clear violation of the peace and dignity of the State of Texas as defined in the Texas Criminal Code, Section Oh Dear Lord.

Steve is suing the PAC because he claims he was never arrested for a felony.

But, there’s this from the Dallas Morning News.

As for the felony charge, that stemmed from the time his girlfriend hid three Valium tablets in his underpants when he was reporting for a weekend in jail. “When they found that they charged me with a felony,” he told the Houston Chronicle.

Those interviews were back in 1995, during Stockman’s first two-year stint in Congress.

So, in 1995 Steve admits there was something in his underpants besides anything you could possibly expect and that he was indeed charged with a felony which was later reduced to a misdemeanor because nobody, and I mean nobody, wanted to talk about Steve Stockman’s underpants.

In addition, the underwear incident happened on his way to serve time in the county jail for traffic violations.  Hey, if you want to be a United States Senator one day and you find yourself going to county jail for a weekend, at least have the good sense to put a copy of the Constitution in your underwear.

So, Republicans in Texas have been reduced to talking about Steve Stockman’s underpants instead of jobs, education, or health care.

I guess that beat the hell out of talking about how they’ve screwed up Texas.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Heads Up, Texans

February 15, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Okay, here’s a very cool thing you can do this weekend.

I’m With Wendy is a website run by a friend of mine and you can get in on the ground floor because this sucker just went up this morning.

This photo project is open to anyone who lives in Texas.

If you would like to participate in this photo project:

1) Write your own sign that starts, “I’m With Wendy because…” followed by a specific reason that you are voting for Davis. Please DO NOT write, “because she’s not Greg Abbott” or “because she’s better than the other option.”

2) Send me an email titled “I’m With Wendy Pic” with the picture attached and please type the city where you live, and, if you would like, your name.

Email: imwithwendyD@gmail.com (NOTE the D in the email address!)

And some suggestions:

she backs legalizing medical marijuana and will consider its decriminalization

she has a strong history of support for the LGBT community

she champions equal pay

she has literally stood in the way of anti-choice legislation

she has been a supporter of Planned Parenthood for a long time

she filibustered a budget that cut over $5 billion from education funding

she has been an advocate of veterans

she wants state-wide Pre-K for all Texas kids

she favors granting driver licenses to undocumented immigrants

she backs re-regulating college tuition

she wants to expand Medicaid

she supports federal efforts to declare the voter ID law unconstitutional

she backs gay marriage

she wants teachers to have higher pay

 Let’s make this happen.

No, No, Here’s One Better: People With Ta-Tas Should Get Two Votes. Everyone Else Gets One.

February 14, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Tom Perkins, the venture capitalist who does not believe in democracy, has an idea.  The more money you have, the more votes you get.  Which means, of course, that Paris Hilton gets about a billion more votes than I do.

That makes sense.  She is, after all, a lot smarter.

Screen Shot 2014-02-14 at 5.31.38 PMPressed for examples of how the rich were being demonized, Perkins said that he feared higher taxes.

“The fear is wealth tax, higher taxes, higher death taxes — just more taxes until there is no more 1%. And that that will creep down to the 5% and then the 10%,” he said.

Oh, you mean Ronald Reagan’s trickle down theory scares you?

Demonized.  Yo, Tom, kiss my blue blue butt.

Thanks to everybody in the 99% for the heads up.

Dan Patrick Answers the Question “What the Hell Are You?”

February 14, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

You’re gonna love this.  This is State Senator Dan Patrick, running for the most powerful job in Texas, Lt. Governor.

 

I am so going to miss this guy when he loses.

Friday Toons

February 14, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

tmclo140212

 

.

tmjoh140212

 

.

Clay Bennett editorial cartoon

 

.

cwjmo140213