South Carolina.

A guys says that his friend accidentally shot him in the head.

But, that ain’t all his friend did.

The victim with his family

An Upstate man said he is thanking his lucky stars that he’s still alive after being accidentally shot in the head by a friend, who never even called 911.

Michael Burdette said John Philip Thompson accidentally shot him in the head while he was showing Burdette his handgun, but then only gave him a towel while he lay bleeding.

Yeah, walk it off dude.

After “a while” the friend finally called the guy’s wife to come help him.

And in the understatement of the year —

When Spartanburg County deputies arrived, they arrested Thompson on a charge possession of a weapon by a convicted felon.

Burdette said he believes that is the reason Thompson did not want to call for help.

Ya think?

 Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

Remember when I told you a while ago that Super Deluxe Brand Christian and Megachurch pastor John Hagee had endorsed one of the Republican doofuses (would that be doofi?) running for Lt. Governor?  And that he had endorsed Dan Patrick?

Dan Patrick:  Now you know why he went into radio.

You might recall Dan as the guy who declared bankruptcy, built his empire of hidden assets back up but still refuses to repay those he screwed with the bankruptcy because “the law does not require it.”  Yeah, the guy with zero morals.

Anyway, another of the doofi (I’ve come to like that word), Jerry Patterson, put on Facebook that Dan Patrick was lying like a horse thief caught by the posse.  Patterson claims that Hagee never endorsed Dan.  It kinda went like this.

Susan Rouse, a volunteer with the Patterson campaign, said she phoned Hagee Ministries and asked if it was true that Pastor Hagee had endorsed Dan Patrick. When the secretary asked why she wanted to know, she replied that she was “surprised that Pastor Hagee would endorse DP due to his “negative factual history.”

Whoa, cool zinger!

So then Patterson said he had an email from Hagee saying that he didn’t endorse Patrick.  But, Patterson can’t produce that email now so … well, you know how a liar’s contest goes, whoever talks last wins.

The last word came from Hagee who said he does indeed endorse Dan Patrick.

And I am certain that Patrick paid for it fair and square.  Now if the check bounces ….

Damn, this is fun.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

Laura Ingraham has one of those voices that sounds like a teaspoon got caught in the garbage disposal.  If I listen to it for more than a minute, my left eye starts twitching and little spittle things run out the sides of my mouth.  It’s not attractive.

So, I am real happy when someone else tells me the dog dump ignorant things she says.

Apparently her new Evilest Person Ever is Sonia Sotomayor.  I just adore Justice Sotomayor and besides Justice Kagan, she’s my favorite.  I bought her book.  Even read it.  Apparently, Laura Ingraham did not.

Laura was upset because Justice Sotomayor told Yale Law students that she was the first justice to use the term “undocumented worker” instead of “illegal alien.”  She said the term “illegal alien” seems insulting to her.

Fox News contributor Laura Ingraham launched an ignorant smear against Supreme Court Justice Sotomayor, suggesting that she has to choose between her “immigrant family background” or the Constitution.

Immigrant family background?  Let’s take a wiki trip.

In 1917, the U.S. granted citizenship to Puerto Ricans.

Justice Sotomayor was born in the Bronx and her mother served in the Women’s Army Corp, you bimbo.

These fake blondes are  giving us real blondes a bad reputation.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.  

The weak of heart should prepare yourself for fainting.

Orly Taitz is taking on Sheriff Joe Arpaio.  Screw the Large Hadron Collider, this sucker is going to make that look like a third grade science experiment.

It seems that people claiming to be from Arpaio’s office are asking Taitz (yeah, I get the humor in these two people claiming everyone should speak English) to “stand down” on her lawsuit against President Obama for being not-from-around here.

Taitz is suspicious even though the letter says —

I have been in daily contact with Detective Lieutenant Mike Zullo from the Sheriff Joe Arpaio Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office Obama Fraud Investigation – sometimes twice daily.

I’m sure you also might have heard that Lt. Zullo is preparing to release his some evidence that will truly be universe-shattering, and the knowledge we have is truly something you’re not going to be ready for.

This will absolutely, definitely change the eligibility landscape by 10,000%.

Mike has asked me to communicate with you that the new evidence – which, let me tell you, is so all-encompassingly gigantic, so incredibly huge – that we were hoping we could ask you to cooperate on one front.

Now, since we’ve all been vindicated 1,000% on the birth certificate issue, since Lt. Zullo’s forensic investigation has been so comprehensive, it’s really irrelevant compared to the new, shocking & completely emasculating evidence. The birth certificate is truly no longer of any real concern.

Okay, okay, they’re talking universe shattering here.  With lotsa landscaping.  And 1,000% vindication.  BIG!  WE’RE TALKING BIG.

So, now a fight has broken out over who gets the credit and publicity.  I’m no expert, but I’d say the credit and publicity goes to Crazy.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

Florida.

Police said officers found Eric Morkert sitting in the bed of his pickup truck with a gunshot wound to his right leg.

Morkert told police he’d just left a firearms safety class and had pulled over to inspect his new Glock 17. Morkert said he removed the magazine and was manipulating the slide when the gun discharged.

The police said that the incident occurred at 9:45 a.m.  And you were so excited about your Glock that you had to pull over to inspect it?

Okay, unless there is a wild and amazing coincidence, I found this:  in the same neighborhood, there is a security officer named Eric Morkert, who works 4:00 pm to midnight shift and rates “expert” on a Glock 9mm pistol.  Not so much a Glock 17.

Oh please let it be a coincidence.  There is limited amount of irony left in the world.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

I saw these headlines and almost fainted.

Former “Saturday Night Live” cast member Victoria Jackson wants her next act to be as a Williamson County Commissioner.

Jackson, who moved to Thompson’s Station last year, is petitioning as an independent to become a candidate for one of two District 2 commission seats, currently held by commissioners Betsy Hester and John Hancock.

Get the smelling salts, Aunt Daisy.  (1)  We have a Williamson County in Texas, and (2) Victoria Jackson is Louie Gohmert Crazy.  I was terrified.

We’d have to add two extra days in every week just to load up all the crazy.  We’d have to call them Crazday and Loonday.  That means I’d have to buy a new calendar and I’m kinda partial to my almost nakkid firemen calendar.

Well, come to find out, she’s running in Williamson County, Tennessee, which appears to be just south of Nashville.

“I think the key to saving America is normal everyday citizens getting involved because we the people are supposed to be in control, not the government,” Jackson said.

Honey, if we were to divide America into a normal everyday citizen side and a crazier than a drunk mule side, you better open a distillery or you ain’t gonna have dinner money.

And then she said —

“I think I will fit in quite easily with (the current county commission),” Jackson said. “I went to the dentist recently and there was a Bible in the lobby of the dentist office. … I love this town. My two favorite things are here – Jesus and show business.”

Look, my two favorite things are pink feather boas and gospel music, but that does not make me qualified to run for office, you know?

Jackson said she has been researching the Muslim Brotherhood, Agenda 21 and the Common Core education standards, all of which she speaks sharply against.

None of which has diddle squat to do with county commissioning.

She did not know when to shuddup.

“I have no political aspirations. I just want to help save my country. It should be about ideology, not about who has the most money.” 

Honey, it’s becoming increasingly obvious that you’re making more money off Jesus than show business.  Maybe you need to get a third favorite thing.   I dunno.  Do you like coloring books?

Jackson’s full married name, which she officially filed with the Williamson County Election Commission, is Victoria Lynn Jackson-Wessel. However, she told deputy administrator Chad Gray that she wanted her name to appear on the ballot as Victoria Jackson “because she said people thought it said weasel.”

I don’t know what to say.  I really, really don’t.  And if I did, I’d probably just die of mortification.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.