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The problem is not how did they get in there, it’s how do you get them out.

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But, most of all this one —

Thanks to Marge for the heads up.

Freedom Industries, those good folks who gave West Virginia licorice flavored tap water is declaring bankruptcy.

I wonder if the owners had to pay extra baggage fees for all the cash leaving the country?

Sumbitches

Texas will put up with a lot from their politicians.  Hell, they can cheat, lie, carouse, fornicate, take your money, cuss, demand to see your tampons, put up graven images on the state capitol grounds, shoot law-abiding coyotes, be a drunkard, smoke weed, and even be rude.

But, there is one thing they cannot do:  use Willie Nelson for cahooting political purposes.

I need to fess up that I am not a large fan of Kinky Friedman as a politician.  He’s run as a Republican, an Independent, and now as a Democrat and he can’t get elected dog catcher or even Junior Alderman at Large in Study Butte, Texas.  Mainly because he’s a damfool.

However, like Kinky, I favor the legalization of marijuana.  I hate Mexican drug lords, filled prisons, and backed up court systems.  It’s an idea long past due.  Hell, even the Texas Democratic Party has that in their platform.

So, when Kinky up and decided to run for Agriculture Commissioner in Texas, whoop-te-do.  The Ag Commish doesn’t have the power to legalize pot.  End of story.

So, we have a guy running for Ag Commish on a platform of ego and publicity who hired another damfool (ever notice how they tend to run in herds?) to be his campaign manager.

This campaign manager had some dog dump dumb ideas.

The Kinky Friedman campaign, looking for a fast lane into the general election, thought offering a primary rival a meeting with Willie Nelson might get them on the road again.

The campaign discussed arranging a meeting between Nelson and challenger Jimmie Ray Hogan to entice him out of the Democratic primary for agriculture commissioner, according to emails obtained by The Dallas Morning News. But the plan went up in smoke before the offer could be presented to Hogan.

So, the bright idea was to get Willie to go talk Kinky’s Democratic primary opponent out of running.  Everybody was pretty upset by this kind of tactic and Kinky says he knew nothing about it.  I believe him.  Kinky knows nothing about a whole bunch of stuff.

And, obviously, nobody ran this by Willie because doing this would probably be illegal.  Willie does not mind doing illegal stuff as long as it is the right thing to do.  Otherwise, count him missing.

We’re sending Thelma over to talk to Kinky.  She says she’s read on some of Texas’ finest bathroom walls that he ain’t near as kinky as he claims to be.  Thelma would know.

Remember when I told you about how the Multnomah County Republican Party in Oregon up and decided that a great way to celebrate the birthdays of Abraham Lincoln and Dr. Martin Luther King was to raffle off an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle?  You know, two men murdered with guns.

Well, there’s been a small hitch in their fan belt.  It seems that some people, one even from right here at your favorite beauty salon, decided that it was be a good move to complain to the church where the Multnomah County Republican Party was holding this event.

A Greek Orthodox church in Portland on Friday yanked permission for the Multnomah County Republican Party to hold a Lincoln Day fundraising dinner tied to a controversial gun raffle.

Of course, they are playing victim, claiming that “this is what Republicans face in Multnomah County,” a heavily Democratic County.  I don’t think he completed the sentence.  In actuality it goes like this – “this is what Republicans face in Multnomah County … when they try to do something butt ignorant and hateful.”

Way to go, Oregon Democrats.  If Republicans are going to celebrate violence, better it is that God not endorse it.

Thanks to Fenway Fran and Mark for the heads up. 

Get this.

Divorce is higher among religiously conservative Protestants – and even drives up divorce rates for other people living around them, a new study finds.

The study, slated to be published in the American Journal of Sociology, tackles the “puzzling paradox” of why divorce is more common in religiously conservative “red” states.

Puzzling?  No, not for anyone who lives here.  The study suggests that lack of birth control information causes people to have to get married earlier.

That might be true, but as a human being who lives around these people, I have discovered that hypocrisy in one part of your life tends to invade other parts of your life.  You find me a man who is a Bible Toting used car salesman and I will show you a crook who is messing around on his wife.  It just works like that.

The thing you have to remember about southern red state super deluxe brand Christians:  they have very high standards – for you.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

Outside of Austin there’s a place called Creedmore, which is dangerously close to the thriving metropolis of Buda.  It used to be a quite, rural area.

Not so much now.

The day after Christmas, The Shooting Ranch opened.  It’s not so much a ranch as it is a berm with crazy people on the other side.

Enjoy a day of unlimited shooting! We offer a special shooting package starting at a flat rate of $19.99 for an entire day.  Kids ages 6-16 shoot for half price, just $10 for all day. Little ones under age 6 shoot for free. Golden shooters ages 75+ shoot for $13 all day. Our single flat rate is a bargain when you consider that many ranges charge by the hour to only offer paper targets.

Okay, so you can go shoot a gun without a license or any sort.  That’s a big deal.  Until …

Karla Gray says bullets have been whizzing by her home and office which sit about 3,100 feet away from the range.

“We covered up the hole in this window, but the bullet continued across the desk and embedded in these folders,” Gray said. “If someone had been sitting here, it would not have been good.”

“Not good” is a bit of an understatement.

And there’s the noise.

Martha Scott was born on her property in 1935 and says the noise spooks her and her animals.

“We have to wait between machine gun fire to hear each other talk,” her son Craig said. “It’s normally very tranquil here.”

But, the right of gun owners trumps Karla Gray’s right to be safe in her own house. They are fighting to keep their gun range.

I’m figuring that we need to open a gun range fifty feet behind The Shooting Ranch.  Anybody game?

Thanks to Jason for the heads up.