If going to Home Depot doesn’t make you manly enough, carry a weapon. You never know when a head boinking event will break out in the plumbing department and require an armed man to lay down the law.

Or get shot in the butt.

On December 26, 2013, an unidentified man was checking out at a Home Depot, in Brighton, Michigan. When reaching for his wallet, he accidentally grabbed his gun instead. The gun went off in his pocket, shooting the man in the butt

Don’t you wish you would have been there?

South Carolina women apparently take their Christmas Eve beer very seriously.

A South Carolina woman was held on a domestic abuse charge for allegedly stabbing her common-law husband with a decorative ceramic squirrel when he came home late on Christmas Eve without any beer.

Now you are probably asking yourself, “Where does one purchase a “decorative ceramic squirrel?”  Well, you would be amazed.  Truly amazed.

It’s called “Chris’s Squirrels and More:  Your One Stop Shop for All Your Rehab Needs.”   Do not be using that slogan in your personal endeavors because that sucker is rightly trademarked.

I looked over this site as much as my trembling hands would allow and I think, but am in no way certain, that Chris means rehabbing wildlife, not rehab for South Carolina women and their beer needs.  Which is kinda a shame if you think about it.

Anyway, back to the South Carolina story …

The man fled to a neighbor’s home to call 911, and when officers arrived shortly after midnight — on Christmas Day by now — they found him covered in blood with cuts on his shoulder and face, according to the report. When he took off his shirt, they found a big gash in his chest, it said.

Initially, Williams tried to persuade police that her husband fell, but officers were skeptical because she also had blood on her hands and clothes, the report said.

Damn.  I thought the lack of beer was a dead giveaway.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Victoria, Texas, is right down the road from me and I hitch-hike down there several times a year to attend Democratic events because they have a very active and great Democratic Party involving some of my favorite people.

So, when the Cactus Canyon Club of Victoria, Texas, made the news for not allowing Justin Meyer and his boyfriend James Douglas to dance together, I was about to learn a whole mess of new stuff that I never knew before.  When Justin and James tried to dance, the owner busted a gut.

Instead, they were confronted by the owner who told them they were not allowed to dance because they were men and due to unspecified ‘security reasons.’

‘He told me they have a policy that states that they don’t allow males to dance with males to country songs,’ Douglas recalled to KAVU-TV. ‘I said, “Just country?” and he said, “yes.”’

Now see, I didn’t know that.  Men can dance with men to anything except country music.  Oh, come on, admit it – you didn’t know that either.

And neither did real Texas men.

Here ya go.

Photograph of cowboys dancing to a fiddle at the Bar S Ranch which was located in Reagan and Irion Counties out in west Texas. A wagon and building stand in the background.

Maybe James and Justin need some big ole hats and some chaps.

The owner of the Cactus Canyon Club made another observation about social mores and norms …

Gearhart also added that while women have long been allowed to take it to the floor together in clubs around the country, the same does not necessarily applies to men.

I dunno why that is.  I truly don’t.  Must have something to do with ta-tas and really insecure men.

James and Justin.  Major security threat.

Thanks to my friend Kary for the picture of the cowboys having a gay ole time.

Texas Attorney General and wannabe Wendy Wacker, Greg Abbott, made Politico’s List of the Most Embarrassing Tweets of the year.  (Click the little one to get the big one.)

I need to let you know that is not the first nor will be the last time that Greg Abbott embarrasses himself or the State of Texas.  The guy’s a natural.

Dalles, Oregon, is a good place not to lie to your Momma.

Last Saturday a woman called the police and said some fool had entered her home at 2:45 in the morning and fired a gun into her son’s room.  The gunman ran out the backdoor.  He didn’t take anything or cause any problems.

The Dalles police officer arrived and noted in the police log that “it was clear the [son] was not being honest.”

The son then admitted he was actually cleaning a gun and it went off. He told police he then stashed the gun and lied to his mother about a person entering the house. Officers seized the gun and were forwarding their report to the district attorney’s office for review.

If you’re going to shoot a gun in the house at 2:45 a.m., you damn well better make sure it includes you bleeding in some manner because, trust me on this, when Momma gets finished with you, you’re gonna be bleeding anyway.

By the way, while I was looking around to see if I could find out anything else about this story, I found a great thing.  The police reports in a small Oregon town on Christmas Day.  The Dalles City reports are wonderful reading.  Here’s a sample.  Remember:  it’s Christmas Day.

A woman in the 900 block of Pomona Street reported seeing two people walk through her carport and ring the doorbell, then go on to the neighbors behind her. They both appeared to have Santa suits on. Police checked the area and were unable to find anyone matching the description.

A man in the 5200 block of Cherry Heights called early Wednesday morning to report a strange dog had been sitting near his driveway for the last 12 hours and it was weird the dog hadn’t left the area. A deputy found two dogs were eating a deer carcass.

I will save the woman who ran out of gas story for you to discover.

Thanks to TexasTrailerParkTrash for the heads up.

Best headline of the day:

If you’re like me, and Lord help you if you are, you are probably wondering how they plan on stopping that.

I mean, let’s face it,   That’s a mighty tall order there.  I’d be more willing to try to get a drink out of a firehose than find the fools in the GOP and line them up in a row.  The only shot I’d have at doing it is waiting for them to need to be watered and sneak up on them with a circus tent.  Even that sounds kinda risky since so many of them need watering once a week.

The Chamber means the Tea Partiers.  They think the Tea Partiers are fools because they not only want people to starve like the Chamber does, they also want people to not be gay when they starve.

I operate under the “you broke it; you bought it” theory here.  The Chamber endorsed some of these fools.

To me, this is kinda like standing at the picnic table in Texas in July and saying, “Okay, no ants on this table, dammit,” and expecting the ants to pay heed.

Hey, Chamber of Commerce, you don’t have a “ticket,” Honey.  You have a mess.  A helluva mess.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.