Okay, if you ever need a measuring stick to find out just how much Steve Stockman’s tray is not in the full upright and locked position, you have this —

Tea party firebrand Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) isn’t endorsing Rep. Steve Stockman (R-TX) or anyone else in the Republican primary for Sen. John Cornyn’s Senate seat.

“I didn’t know he was gonna run, and I have not – I didn’t endorse him,” Gohmert told the Daily Caller on Wednesday when asked about Stockman’s challenge to Cornyn. “I hadn’t planned on endorsing anybody in any office in the primary.”

Honey, when Louie Gohmert thinks you’re a nut, you need to go check yourself in somewhere before you gnaw off your hand or something.

Thanks to Paul for the heads up.

I would like to give a loud applause to Mrs. Rand Paul.

When asked if he was going to make a Presidential run in 2014, Rand Pal replied …

“Where’s my cellphone? Can I call my wife?” Paul joked. “There’s two votes in my family. My wife has both of them and both of them are ‘no’ votes right now.”

“If I’m a very able politician, I’ll tell you in a year whether I’m able to persuade my wife. Right now, I don’t know yet, but I thank you for your interest,” he said.

Girl, you stick to your guns.  Your man ain’t got a lick of sense and there’s no telling what he’s done or said that you don’t know about yet.  And you know you’re gonna get the blame for that hair.  There ain’t no way around that.

I don’t know how things are in Kentucky but in Texas we have community property.  That means you own half the money and all the hoochie.  That can be a very persuasive thing.

Thanks to Lindy for the heads up.

Thanks to John A. Kwitkoski for the cool stuff.

Louie Gohmert believes that President Barack Obama is letting “evil people take over the world.”

He also believes that the only safe place left on earth is maybe Israel.

Let me tell you folks, when the United States is not around with its protective hand in the world to protect freedom and liberty and freedom from abuse, then there is no other place to go. Maybe Israel.

Oh yeah, when I want to feel real safe, I go stand next to a Jew.  I mean, nobody e-v-e-r messes with the Jews, right?

And I think this is one of them.

Only true news hounds would read to the last line of the story …

The exact motive for the assault remains under investigation, but investigators were told it involved a woman and a dog.

That’s all I need to know.

You know that if this paragraph is in a news story —

Authorities say Kramer walked out of the restaurant – without the food – and to his truck while yelling either he got free tacos or somebody would die. Investigators say the waitress locked the door after the San Antonio man drove away.

— (a) it’s going to be a good story, (b) somebody is probably going to jail, or (c) you’re going to real happy that every time you say that, it doesn’t make the newspapers.

Yeah, guy named Adam Kramer tried to get free tacos at a Mexican restaurant with a sword as a weapon.  A sword.  Thankfully, it wasn’t loaded or accidentally discharge.

Thanks to Liz for the heads up.