Hey, there’s always a chance that Ted Cruz will run for the Canadian Parliament instead of President.

He released his birth certificate to the Dallas Morning News.

It shows that he was born in Canada to an American mother and a Cuban father.  There appears to be no special warning on the certificate that his father is batcrap crazy, which seems very unneighborly of Canada not to warn us.

Cruz says this document makes him eligible to be President of the United States, even with that whole batcrap crazy thing running in his family.

Now, here’s the rub.

What will the birthers say?

Interestingly, here’s what Canadians say.  Allison Christians, a law professor at McGill University in Montreal says of Cruz, “He’s a Canadian citizen. The question of citizenship is determined by the law of the territory in which you were physically born,” she said. “It’s not up to the Cruz family to decide whether they’re citizens.”

So, if he has to renounce his Canadian citizenship, will there be a gleeful ceremony among the Tea Party folks?  In French?  Does he have to kill a moose?

And, you know, that surely doesn’t look like the long form of the birth certificate.   Where’s the original?  Was he born under socialized medicine?  If so, does that make him a natural born socialist?

This is gonna be fun, y’all.

Thanks to John for the very cool graphic.

Thank you, North Carolina.  You make Texas look good.

North Carolina used to be my favorite foreign state.  I went there any chance I got and Bubba and I considered retiring there.

But, we’ve changed our minds.  We were hoping to retire from having to fight crazy, mean people and North Carolina went blue in 2008.  Not so much now.

North Carolina House Majority Leader Paul “Skip” Stam went all up the side of the head of The North Carolina Superintendent of Public Instruction.

Her name is June Atkinson and she believes that private schools and public schools in the state should take the same standardized tests.

Atkinson said she would like to see students at private and public schools take the same tests so parents can compare scores. She also said private schools should receive performance grades based on student achievement, just as public schools will.

The legislature upped the testing requirement for private schools, but schools can choose which national tests to administer and don’t have to report scores unless they enroll more than 25 students with vouchers.

Skip Stam’s reaction to that?

“She should stick to her own knitting,” said the Apex Republican.

I can’t retire to North Carolina now.  I can’t.  I would go to jail for knitting needling assault.

You might have figured out that I’m not all that fond of Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott and his scheme to take the Rick Perry legacy of Damfool up a couple of levels.

He wants to be Governor.  Well, actually, he wants to be Führer but those Texans outside of Fredericksburg are a tad suspicious of foreign words.

Greg Abbott is a WalMart, beer bottle collection, velvet Elvis paintings kind of guy so it comes as no surprise that he feels safe encouraging loutish behavior among his supporters.   Loutish is a nice way of saying “leaving the tattoo parlor riding their motorcycles to the meth lab to hang a confederate flag before going to the bowling tournament.”

Sooooo … no one was shocked when Greg’s twitter feed had this little doozy.

Retard Barbie?  No, seriously.  Retard Barbie?

He’s thanking a guy for calling Wendy Davis, a woman with a compelling life story, Retard Barbie?

Oh my, I can’t wait for Abbott’s campaign rallies.

Texas Democratic Party Chairman Gilberto Hinojosa wasn’t surprised but he was disgusted.

“That Greg Abbott would thank a supporter for calling Senator Wendy Davis a ‘Retard Barbie’ is absolutely disgusting and disturbing. This is what Republicans think about women — that a Harvard law school graduate, State Senator, and a long time fighter for Texas families deserves such inappropriate slander. Greg Abbott endorses such disrespect. The people of Texas deserves so much better than this from their public officials. And the women of Texas deserve leaders who respect them as human beings.”

Later that evening, Abbott tweeted —

“I thank supporters on Twitter, but I don’t endorse anyone’s offensive language.”

Dude, it wasn’t merely the language that was offensive.  And where the hell is the apology?   Hell, Greg, you offended women, developmentally challenged people and the Mattel Toy Company all at once.  That ought to win some kind of award for being the trifecta of scum.

Y’all, I do not like Greg Abbott and always will.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

San Antonio City Councilwoman Elise Chan sunk a promising political career when she let her true colors come out of the closet.

Homosexuality is “so disgusting!” San Antonio District 9 Councilwoman Elisa Chan told her staff. Chan also said she believes homosexuality is a choice, that gay people “take hormone shots,” and that gay people should be “banned” from adopting or raising children.

A staffer taped her during the meeting where she even discussed ways to cover-up her beliefs if they seemed too strong for the community.

She wants to be mayor of San Antonio.

Yeah, right after we sale the Alamo, and the comments stop on her Facebook page.

Thanks to Bernard for the heads up.

Well, you got your Muslims, your communists, your uppity wimmen, your black President, them Mexicans, liberals ….

And now – ta da! – violent South Americans.

Congresstoad Steve King of Iowa says that people from South America coming to the United States are importing their violent society with them because, you know, the United States is like totally non-violent.

“If you bring people from a violent civilization into a less-violent civilization, you’re going to have more violence right?” he asked. “It’s like pouring hot water into cold water. Does it raise the temperature or not?”

Does this turkey read a newspaper or watch the local news at night.  Holy crap, if we were any more violent, they’d have to build a thunderdome around us.

And, of course, there are civilizations that are just violent.  Which makes the NRA give King such a high rating.

By the way, just to top off a goofball week, King also said that members of his own party are “under a spell” about immigration.

Rep. Steve King (R-IA) continued to defend his comments on immigration reform during an interview with New Day’s Kate Bolduan, explaining that most Republicans agreed with him before the presidential election, but are now cast under a “spell.”

Not the witches thing again, okay Steve?  You guys have overused that one.

Thanks to Web T for the heads up.

True the Vote is simply a money-raising, ego-satisfying operation who wants to criticize your backyard while hiding dead bodies in their own.

And that’s the nicest thing I’ve ever said about them.

If you recall, a local GOP county commissioner candidate was caught red handed voting both here and in Pennsylvania in 2006, 2008, and 2010.  Here’s the damnest part – he lives in the same county commissioner precinct as me and Cathy Engelbrecht, the damn head honcho of True the Vote.

When we blew it wide open, Engelbrecht criticized us for publishing his name because he hadn’t been convicted yet.  She then challenged me to prove it.  I produced all the records from here and Pennsylvania and laughed in her silly face while she went around preaching scare tactics to local churches.

Y’all, she’s doing it again.  She claims to have 173 cases of double voting fraud in Florida and Maryland.  But, how many Republican cases of fraud just 2 miles from her house?  Zero.  None.

I am convinced that woman can’t see lightning or hear thunder.  Catherine Engelbrecht is not interested in Republican voter fraud, especially when we caught this guy doing it because he was bragging about it to fellow Republicans, including the then county chairman.

No, he never even got indicted.  Yes, our district attorney is a Republican.

So, Cathy, it’s a gorgeous Sunday morning in our mutual small hometown so you can march your prissy patootie right over here and kiss my big blue butt.  You’re a hypocrite and a disgrace to people who truly do care about voter fraud.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.