Congressdrunk Don Dwyer, a Republican from Maryland has a bit of a oopsy problem.  He drinks.  A little while back he pled guilty to operating a boat while drunk. And not operating it very well because he crashed it and injured seven people.  The boat was named “The Legislator,” so we should have expected nothing less than a crashing and injuring event.

October 25th is his court hearing on the drunk while boating.

But, Don’s problem is not alcohol.  No, siree.  Don’s problem is those damn gay people who make him drink.

Ya see, last week at 2:45 am he was stopped on the highway due to erratic driving.  He failed three field sobriety tests.

But this ain’t his fault, y’all.

First he blamed his failing marriage.  It’s wimmen’s fault, y’all.  But then he had a doozy.  The reason he drinks is because he feels “betrayed” by members of the Maryland House who supported marriage equality.

Dwyer says he felt sold out when Dels. Tiffany Alston, Wade Kach and Bob Costa voted for same-sex marriage, an issue he spent years crusading against. Dwyer told reporters one day before the vote that he had enough support to block the bill.

Marriage equality passed by the two votes of Republicans who had a change of heart.

He drinks to ease the pain of all those gay folks out there having wild, hot and gleefully sober s-e-x.  They are also buying houses, paying bills, getting sick, going to movies, celebrating birthdays, raising children, and living their lives just like “normal” people.  You know, just like Don Dwyer except for the drunk boating and driving stuff.

So I hope you gay people are happy now.  Don Dwyer would be sober and happily married right now if y’all hadn’t wanted your silly civil rights.

Look, nobody tell Don that the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act passed congress.  I know that would lead to cocaine and sex trips to Thailand.  A man can only stand so much.

Thanks to Bernard for the heads up.

Okay, this guy is an East Texas preacher.  You know, like Sweet Jesus.

He went to Double Dave’s Pizza, Starbucks, Jack in the Box and Walmart in Huntsville wearing a fashionable AR-15 Bushmaster slung over his shoulder.

He says he was trying to make a point.

You know, that Jesus would carry an AR-15 to WalMart for their everyday low prices and you never know, of course, when some damn hippie is gonna give you guff in the hardware department.

Pastor Terry Holcomb has a message to bring to his flock:  screw this peace on earth crap and the whole meek shall inherit the earth because the Prince of Peace would tote the weapon of choice for mass murderers.

The man of cloth says he got some guff from WalMart.

Holcomb said customers and business owners didn’t complain until he got to Walmart. Within minutes a manager asked him to leave. Holcomb didn’t argue and walked out of the store as requested.

“Well, the Walmart in Huntsville definitely doesn’t honor 2nd Amendment rights,” he said in the video as he walked into the store parking lot.

They sell guns at WalMart, you freekin’ idiot.

This is not Pastor Holcomb’s first foray into Huntsville to show off his weapon.  He does this regularly as part of his mission.

For I was hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.  Matthew 25:35

Now, I think it’s real nice that there was no one in Huntsville who is hungry, thirsty, a stranger, needs a place to stay, or is in prison so that the minister has time to do this gun stuff.  (For you people from foreign states, Huntsville is home to the most prisons in Texas.)

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Nor will they get your butt into heaven.

Thanks to Bernard and John for the heads up.

You know the world is  good place when little blonde chicks thumb their noses at Putin.

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In case you didn’t hear, we’re digging up roads in Texas and replacing them with gravel because we can’t afford the damn upkeep on roads.

Texas is so poor that we can’t even afford to go window shopping.  Somalia?  Richer than Texas and with better government to boot.

Now I know that we can afford to send Governor Perry all over the country with his shiny face making teevee commercials bragging about low taxes in Texas and those same commercials soon become fodder for late night comedians.  We can afford that.

We can also afford to turn our noses up at $1 billion for Medicaid.  Since those people will be treated in emergency rooms for free, everybody’s health insurance, local taxes, and medical bills will go up.  But we don’t need no damn $1 billion of our own tax dollars coming back to Texas.  No sireee.

And the latest we can afford is $4 million for Attorney General Greg Abbott to sue the federal government so he can run for Governor on the evils of the federal government.

But that ain’t all —

Abbott’s office additionally has spent nearly $1.9 million defending the state in another case brought by minority and civil rights groups over redistricting. That amount is not included in the $4 million tally, which includes only lawsuits Abbott initiated.

I know y’all were all excited when Rick Perry decided not to run for Governor again.  I’m just tellin’ ya:  Greg Abbott is Rick Perry with a mean streak.  We have jumped from the frying pan into the pits of hell.

Texas cannot afford roads but we most certainly can afford Republican political campaigns with our tax dollars.

And that makes us Texas Proud!

I just saw breaking news that Ted Cruz has announced that he will renounce his Canadian citizenship.   I guess he flipped a coin because with all his talk about Texas seceding from the union, you’d think he’d renounce his US citizenship, too.

Thanks to John for the graphic.

Here’s some links this morning to update the Cruz story:

He’s finding out that his friends from Princeton and the ladies he attempted to woo in his paisley housecoat weren’t that impressed, only remembering him as creepy.  However, he as considered a stud muffin on the college debate circuit which is akin to being considered the smartest man in professional wrestling.

And …. his worst enemy is not the Democrats, but the GOP.  Democrats are kinda liking this guy because there’s always the possibility that he’ll show up to debate Hillary Clinton wearing a paisley housecoat.  That wuld be very cool.

Let’s pretend there’s a guy named Clint Murphy who is a political operative.  Let’s pretend he worked on John McCain’s 2008 presidential campaign and Karen Handel’s 2010 Georgia gubernatorial bid.

Then let’s pretend he got testicular cancer and discovered that his sleep apnea is classified as a pre-existing condition and he can’t get health insurance.

That would be a real quandary now, wouldn’t it?  If that were true.  And, of course, it is.

He survived the cancer but now can’t get insurance, so Obamacare is looking better and better.

And so Murphy’s Facebook post on Obamacare last week, addressed to his Republican friends, was something of a surprise: “When you say you’re against it, you’re saying that you don’t want people like me to have health insurance.”

There is nothing like a bout with testicular cancer to bring focus to your life, Murphy explained over the phone.

How come Republicans never, ever want government to do anything unless it is them or their immediately family who is suffering?

Republicanism is just a political justification for being greedy.  I am glad that Mr. Murphy got to keep his testicles.  He’s going to need them to stand up to the greedy people.

Thanks to Paul for the heads up.