It’s The Daily Louie!

So yesterday Texas Congressspider Louie Gohmert put down his Benghazi flag for a minute to run over to the flip side of insanity and announced that President Obama made us all look like cowards.

A Republican congressman from Texas said Monday that President Barack Obama’s decision to close 22 U.S. embassies and consulates because of credible terrorist threats makes the country look “like a bunch of cowards.”

You wanna know what is really cowardice?  Sitting in the cheap seats tossing verbal bombs at the Commander in Chief for doing something you said he should have done in Benghazi.  I’ll betcha that Louie’s breath smells of hen feather this morning.

Look, I know Louie’s guitar ain’t tuned right, but you can’t tell somebody to wash your car and then whine that you’re getting a glare off the hood ornament.  Well, I guess you can and that would qualify you to be the congressman from east Texas but you’re still an idiot.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up and John for the graphic.

You’re gonna love this.  Feisty little Reince Priebus is now director of programming at NBC and CNN.

Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus threatened to pull the group’s partnership with NBC and CNN for 2016 GOP presidential primary debates if the networks moved ahead with plans to air films on Hillary Clinton.

“If they have not agreed to pull this programming prior to the start of the RNC’s Summer Meeting on August 14, I will seek a binding vote stating that the RNC will neither partner with these networks in 2016 primary debates nor sanction primary debates they sponsor,” Preibus said in a statement.

Woo woo.

So Reince is threatening to cloud up and rain on their parade?  You know the proper response to this, right?  “Hey Sparky, one more word outta you, and we won’t carry your boring debates.”

And Reince, the next time you threaten to bite off your nose to spite your face, you might wanna go pee in the wind instead.

It looks like all that money was wasted at Mrs. Mabel’s Memory School for Rick Perry.  Just when he learned to count to three, he lost himself.

Look, I will admit there’s times when I didn’t know where I was but then I sobered up and got the hell outta the Mustang Lounge.  Rick Perry is not so lucky.  Getting out of Louisiana ain’t that easy what with alligators and funeral processions.

During a speech he gave last week —

Touting Texas, Perry declared, “There are many other states that embrace those conservative values, the approach we’ve taken over the years. I’m in one today – Florida.”

“We’re in Louisiana,” someone shouted.

By the way, the new and improved Rick Perry lost the boots in favor of dress shoes and is now wearing hipster black rimmed glasses.  I don’t know this to be true, but I’ve heard that the glasses keep him from walking into walls so much.  However, they don’t appear to be helping at reading maps.

Thanks to Willie and Jane for the heads up.

This video is real and it’s rape by a police officer over a citation for littering.

Now a search over “the odor of marijuana” in a car results in a body cavity search but not a search of any non-sexual parts of the body.

I’d like to make a joke about it but it’s horrifying.

I wonder how many men have been searched like that roadside.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up and the thumbs down.

There’s a story that goes like this.  A Southern Baptist minister was asked if he thought only Baptists went to heaven.  He replied that was true but he also thought some Baptist weren’t going either.

Apparently, one of them was a football and basketball coach.

Baptists used to think that religious freedom meant that you could attend the Baptist Church of your choice.  Alabama has decided that’s too damn liberal.

Although he coached the basketball team to a state championship and coached the football team to making the playoff for the first time in many years, Scott Phillips was given a choice – come to East Memorial Baptist Church to teach at our school or lose your job.  It is of note that Phillips is a member of Church of the Highlands so it’s not like he’d be teaching Sharia law or anything.

In June 2012, Phillips agreed to accept the athletic director position following the resignation of then-athletic director Vic Foxworth. He taught science and Bible, coached boys basketball and served as a football assistant prior to taking on his new role.

Phillips says that EMCA officials told him that the AD position must be a member of East Memorial Baptist Church — a claim the school’s headmaster Bryan Easley confirmed to the Advertiser in an email.

Now this is Alabama so I’ll bet you a dime that nobody asked Bear Bryant what damfool church he went to.  The choice between Jesus and having a winning football team is a tough one.

Welcome to East Memorial Baptist Church, where religious freedom isn’t religious or free.

Thanks to UmptyDump for the heads up.

I wouldn’t fact-check this through Newt Gingrich if I were you, but Ted Cruz is just amazingly certain that the 1995 – 1996 government shutdown was good for the GOP.

It is a well-known fact that Ted Cruz spent 1995-1996 admiring his image in a mirror and practicing strutting.

Ted is trying to make his idea of ruining Obamacare worth the price of shutting down the government.  Not to benefit America, mind you, but to benefit the GOP.

I think the GOP hires people to sit around in a room somewhere and make up this crapola.  Hell, it’d be cheaper to hire a herd of mules in a hailstorm because you’d get the same crazy.  Wouldn’t you love to be a fly on the wall of that room – especially when they decide that Nixon was a Democrat?

So, dream on Pretty Boy, and do a double Gingrich backflip without mussing your hairdo.  I wanna see this.  I do.

Thanks to UmptyDump for the heads up.