I subscribe to a few rightwing things, mainly to keep up with some crazy Republican Texans who keep creeping back into the mainstream GOP.

GOPUSA is one of my favorites.  It is run by a prissy little man named Bobby Eberle, who used to be Vice Chair of the Texas GOP, and who rants about gays, Obama, gays, abortion, gays, guns, gays, how African Americans have it so easy, and gays from his very ungay column called, The Loft.

The problem, as I see it, is that we Democrats cannot scare people properly.

You wanna be scared?  Hell, these people can scare you.

Here’s today’s email from GOPUSA.  You may have to click the little one see the big one.

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Here’s the link.  It’s loud so you might need to turn down the sound.

This link will make you a leader in your community when the USA collapses.  And we have the Four Horsemen of the Food Apocalypse, zombies, Hitler and  worst of all — The Obama.

The fun part comes when you try to close the window.  You get a special message asking if you know what the hell you’re doing.  Click YES and it finally, thank you Sweet Jesus, goes away.

We need to learn to scare people.

Ted Cruz is a zombie who has sold your children to Canada.  Ron Paul will take away your guns and replace them with Ayn Rand books.  Marco Rubio thinks he’s Jesus and will force you to bow down when he walks by.  Rick Perry is really super smart and is just pretending to be dumb until he takes over and becomes Einstein Rick and makes you learn algebra.

Y’all, we gotta get good at this stuff because apparently white people are wimps.

Muskegon, Michigan –

A 72-year-old Muskegon gun collector shot a portion of his index finger off late last week while showing a Smith & Wesson to a friend, police said.

…

The victim was sent to Mercy Health Partners for the wound. According to the report, the man told a deputy that he was embarrassed about the incident and felt “stupid” it happened.

In what possible way is this man a “victim”?  You cannot make yourself a victim; somebody has to do that for you.

And, in more Old Farts With Guns News, there’s this chatty one —

A firearms instructor accidentally shot a student while teaching a gun-safety class on Saturday in Fairfield County to people seeking permits to carry concealed weapons.

Terry J. Dunlap Sr., who runs a shooting range and training center at 6995 Coonpath Rd. near Lancaster, was demonstrating a handgun when he fired a .38-caliber bullet that ricocheted off a desk and into student Michael Piemonte’s right arm.

Dunlap, 73, also is a long-time Violet Township trustee who is running for re-election in November.

Trustee?  I don’t trust him.  That, however, could just be me.  There is a victim in this case and he said with amazing deductive skills —

Dunlap apparently didn’t know that the gun was loaded, Piemonte said — “That’s my guess.”

Your guess?  You’re just guessing?   You think there’s a possibility he did this on purpose to practice a couple of pool shots?

Thanks to Carl and Tom for the heads up.

Spring Branch is a part of Houston, a city of diversity that was named “The Coolest City in America” by Forbes Magazine.  And by cool, they didn’t mean the temperature, they meant “very good; fashionable.”

Yesterday, not so much.

Nobody claims to have put it up.  It appeared magically out of the clear blue when a mosque was built across the street.

I am going to be generous and suggest that they couldn’t spell, “Parking for Customers Only.”

Barbara Jo Thigpen, a hairdresser friend of mine at Get Your Locks Off Salon in Spring Branch, says Muslims can park in her lot but they will expected to not spit tobacco on the cement or drag their spurs on the sidewalk, just like everybody else.

Thanks to Bernard for the heads up.

Texas Congressvarmint Blake Farenthold, who we refer to as “Ducky Pajama Boy” around here, has often been the subject of vicious ridicule and he just blabbered his way into more Fun with Rotund Blake.

That’s him on the far right – literally and politically.  Mentally, he’s pretty much off the edge.

Blake is holding town halls because his seat is winnable by a Democrat and he knows it.  Semi-tragically, those town halls aren’t working out too well because Tea Party members keep showing up and videotaping him for the pleasure of progressives to enjoy.

Like this one, where he says that he’s going to look over that birther stuff and sure, hell yes, they have enough votes to impeach President Obama in the House but, just like Bill Clinton, not in the Senate.

He then adds, “the failed attempt to remove President Bill Clinton from office through the impeach process actually damaged the country.”  Yeah, Ducky, because it sure didn’t hurt Bill Clinton.

But the star-spangled best part was when he said, “President Clinton redefined what sex is to a lot of our young people.”

But a United States Congressman in ducky pajamas posing with seductively dressed underage girls redefines … reoccurring waves of barfing.

Blake, go home.  You’re drunk.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Maybe it’s all in the pronunciation.

A United States Judge in Tennessee thinks it’s her job to go around around giving babies a proper name that doesn’t mess with her belief system.

A U.S. judge told Tennessee parents that they couldn’t name their 7-month-old son Messiah because the only true Messiah was Jesus Christ.

She ordered the baby’s name, Messiah DeShawn Martin, to be changed to Martin DeShawn McCullough, which includes both parents’ last name, media reports said.

So, I’m wondering if my friend Jesus Cortez should cancel his trip to Memphis next month.

We have a Judge Pope in our county, so I guess there’s more than one of them, too.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Because if you don’t, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Appearing on the Sunday talking heads, The Donald described himself as a presidential candidate in one word: smart.

Not so fast, Big D.

Speaking on President Obama and the birthers, the conversation went like this:

In an interview that aired on Sunday, ABC’s Jonathan Karl reminded billionaire Donald Trump that his false claim that President Barack Obama was not born in the United States made him appear “not serious.”

“You don’t still question whether he was born the United States?” Karl wondered.

“I have no idea,” Trump said. “Well, I don’t know. Was there a birth certificate? You tell me. You know, some people say that was not his birth certificate. I’m saying, I don’t know, nobody knows. And you don’t know either, Jonathan. You’re a smart guy. You don’t either.”

“I’m pretty convinced he was born in the United States,” Karl replied.

“Pretty! Ah! Pretty! Pretty! No! No! You said, pretty!” Trump exclaimed.

So, the next question has to be, what about Ted Cruz.  Same deal.

Yeah, but Cruz looks kinda white, you know.

Karl pointed out that Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) had been born in Canada and asked if that made him ineligible to be president of the United States.

“If he was born in Canada, perhaps not,” Trump admitted. “But I’m not sure where he was born.”

“Oh, he was definitely born in Canada,” Karl noted.

“Okay, well, then you’ll have to ask him that question, but perhaps not,” Trump said. “Look, that will be ironed out. I don’t know the circumstances. I heard somebody told me he was born in Canada. That’s really his thing.”

Hey, I give him extra points for knowing that Kenya and Canada are two different places.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up and John for the graphic.