Oh, the self-righteous do mightily fall. Well, that’s not true. Usually they just stumble on their own feet and land face first onto a table of pies. That’s delightful and truly the only reason God makes them. The angels do a happy dance every time Michele Bachmann’s ladder drops a rung.

It seems her staff may have taken Republican greed to its logical conclusion.

Javier Sanchez was a high-level legislative director for Michele Bachmann.

On July 11, Mr. Sanchez was arrested on charges that he burglarized several offices belonging to other House members. From news reports, it appears that some thefts took place back in 2012 and others in 2013

One of the victims reports $200 missing and others were political enemies of Bachmann’s.

And this pie to the face has a cherry on top. Republicans first blamed the cleaning staff who “could be” undocumented workers.

Oh thank you, sweet angels of bluster.

Thanks to Dave for the heads up.

Texas Senator John Cornyn is becoming a born again Tea Party Bag Holder. They’ve taken him down to the Boston Harbor and baptized him in the name of Michelle, Louie, and Ted.

He even hired Freedom Works’ Brendan Steinhauser as his new campaign manager and cornered the market on neon to announce it. The signs said, “Lookie, I’m a new Ted Cruz.”

Not so fast, John. Freedom Works says that one hire does not a nutcase make.

On Tuesday, FreedomWorks sought to distinguish Steinhauser’s job there as separate from the group’s super PAC, FreedomWorks for America. While Steinhauser did field work for the super PAC in support of Cruz (R-Texas), he did not lead the effort, the group says — super PAC officials Russ Walker and Ryan Hecker did.

So, maybe that’s not the kind of fringe they had in mind.

Thanks to David for the heads up.

It probably comes as no surprise that Texas State Senator Wendy Davis drew in a million dollars in the two weeks following her filibuster. She’s a folk hero, standing firmly without wavering on her own. She worked hard for her own voice.

If Wendy Davis is ying, then George P. Bush would be yang.

George P is the son of Jeb. He came to Texas, where his name might be more familiar, and decided to run for land commissioner because he can spell land. George P raised $2 million in the last six months. Because he stood on his own. Oops. Okay, maybe not so much.

The grandson of one former president and nephew of another, Bush raked in $1.3-plus million in his first eight weeks of campaigning last year. But that total included large donations from his father, former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, and his uncle, ex-President George W. Bush.

Newton said Bush’s latest haul included no major family donations. Bush did, though, hold two Texas fundraisers in May with his uncle and his grandfather, former President George H.W. Bush — and those accounted for his largest spikes in contributions.

Okay, so here we have a kid in Texas with the name George Bush. The first one had a one term failed presidency and the second one oh dear God, but we’re gonna throw money at a third one? Like three is the charm?

Listen to me. I know what I’m talking about. No new Bushes.

Tennessee’s Congressbimbo Marsha Blackburn is working her darnest to fill the Michele Bachmann Has Been Too Quiet Lately void.

She’s all up in arms about the EPA protecting the environment. She thinks they are over regulating, That’s kinda hard to hear when a fertilizer plant just blew away a mid size city in Texas because it wasn’t regulated.

But Marsha saw bigger concerns than a high school, a middle school, an apartment complex and a nursing home being blown to smithereens. And it also killed 15 mere humans but they were already born so … well, you know how that is.

Marsha cares about what is really destroying America. In 2005, those horrible Republicans under George Bush voted in some environmental standards that are now coming to fruition. It has to do with ceiling fans and how making them energy efficient might cost a dollar more.

First, they came for our health care,” she said on the House floor. “Then they took away our light bulbs, and raided our nation’s most iconic guitar company — now they are coming after our ceiling fans. Nothing is safe from the Obama administration’s excessive regulatory tentacles.”

Oh dear. Wait until she finds out the Republicans came for our tampons in Texas.

Thanks to Beth Francis for the heads up.

The Good Folks at Methodist Hospital Sugar Land (aka Taj Ma Methodist) have decided that I need to be their guest for a couple of days.

I would deeply appreciate you not telling me to take care of myself and not work so hard for a crippled up old woman. How the hell do you think I got to be a crippled up old woman? Hell, I ain’t gonna listen to you. You know that. So just don’t do it.

I’m gonna be just fine but right now they feel the necessity to shoot me full of steroids and torture me with a so-called Heart Healthy diet when there’s not a damn thing wrong with my heart. There’s nothing wrong with me that a Democratic Texas Governor won’t cure.

The doctor says he promises I will be well enough to attend my own roast on the 27th, which is either good news or bad news depending on how mean my friends intend to be. And no, I’m not doing this for sympathy roasting. I don’t need sympathy. Most of them are scared to death of me already.

As well they should be.

Here I am all pathetic in the hospital and this is what I have to look at. The goals the doctor and the hospital set for me.

Wait a minute. Wait just a damn minute. They are trying to cure me from being an SOB? There’s a treatment for that? And if there is, why isn’t Greg Abbott getting it?

I feel much better tonight and will let you know what’s going on in the morning. If they try to cure me of smartass, be locked and loaded to bust me out of this place.

Rick Perry has decided that the reason he lost the last presidential election is that  he doesn’t have enough foreign policy experience.  Oh yeah, that was it.  That was totally it.  Everything else – perfect.  Foreign policy?  Couldn’t remember what country Mexico is in.  He guessed Guatemala and Lord knows that’s close, but not close enough for president, only vice president.

So, he decided to start small and build his way up.

He’s starting in the middle east.  He’s trying to get a big ole jug of peace liquor fermenting over there.

“We will be going to Israel to bring together Arabs, Christians and Jews in an educational forum,” Mr. Perry told The Washington Times in an interview just three days after he announced he would not seek an unprecedented fourth term as Texas governor.

Hey, this is not all bad news.  (1) Arabs (2) Christians, and (3) TaDa! Jews.   He remembered all three.  I told you he was making headway at Miss Mavis’ Memory School.

But, there’s one small problem.  “Most Christians living in the Middle East are Arabs. The people Perry should be inviting are called Muslims.”

Hey, it’s his damn middle east party and he’ll invite who he damn well wants to.

He did not know that damn Muslims were going to be involved.  They have all that Allah stuff and Chanukah funny looking women statues with twelve arms.  You know, like Guatemala.

An educational forum?  Led by Rick Perry?  Oh. Dear. Socrates.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.