Up until this minute, I thought things like this only happened in Texas.

It is rare when you find a story with a 70 year old impotent male, his 41 year old wife who is a blackout drunk, her 32 year old lover, living room floors, guns, murder, stand your ground, acquittal, and the damn Waffle House.

If you can’t love a story like that, there’s something wrong with you.

After her husband was acquitted of murder for shooting her lover while they were sparkin’, the joyful wife spoke to the press.

When Wald is released from jail, Flores said, the couple plan a celebration. “Because my husband puts me first,” she said, “he’s taking me to Waffle House.”

That story cannot happen outside the South.

Waffle House is McDonalds with grease for breakfast.

It is rare to have people who have been your friend for 30 years.  I kept Suzy Allison for reasons like this.  She sent me an email this morning.

I got a letter in yesterday’s mail from Greg Abbott.

Yes, that Greg Abbott. He wants me to send money because he will soon make an announcement about his political plans, will be mounting a major campaign, and needs my support. He does not specify the office he seeks, but gives some strong clues. Here are the clues . . .

“27 times I have sued the Obama administration. And I am not done.”

“I have fought the Obama Administration’s assault on our Constitution, including the ObamaCare plan that forces Americans to purchase a product or pay a tax.”

“Working with a great team at the Office of Attorney General, we successfully defended the 10 Commandments displayed on the lawn of the Texas Capitol. We have defended prayer in school. We have fought to protect life.”

No other candidate or officeholder is mentioned by name. So it’s clear. He’s going to run against Obama. So all we need to do is find out what office Obama plans to seek in 2014, and we know Abbott’s plans. 🙂

Paging the White House . . . We’ve got a weird question.

Abbott is running for Governor.  Now the question is — is Rick Perry also running for Governor?  They say we will know at the end of next week.

They are going to lock us out of the room, not allow any recording, and pass it anyway!

Get outraged.

Here ya go.  They approve it nice and quietly.  And another view.

Byron Cook, the committee chairman, is a thug.

Louie!  Dammit.  There are no welfare Cadillacs.

Louie Gohmert comes down on the side of cutting SNAP funds because he has heard something really important.

The Texas congressman complained that Democrats had portrayed Republicans as evil because they supported a measure to cut nearly 2 million low-income people off the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, which would mainly impact working families with children.

On the other hand, Gohmert said, poor people were using food stamps to buy food that other Americans could not afford. He claimed his “broken-hearted” constituents had repeatedly told him they had seen people use food stamps to buy king crab legs.

First off, there is no repeatedly.  You live in Tyler, Texas.  The Piggly Wiggly in Tyler, Texas, does not carry king crab legs and even if they did, they would probably not be safe to eat.  Nobody in their right mind would buy king crab legs at the Tyler Texas Piggly Wiggly twice.

Second off, your constituents would not be “broked-hearted” if they did in fact see something like that.  They would be blazing mad and break at least six of the ten commandments right there on the spot.  Broken-hearted, my sweet patootie.  Louie, you can go to hell for lying the same as you can for stealing.

Third off, you have king crab legs in Tyler but you don’t have cell phone cameras?

Fourth off, shut the hell up.  All that corporate welfare that you just love buys yachts for CEO’s and stockholders while the rest of us can barely afford the gas to get to Piggly Wiggly.

You’re a jerk, Louie.

Customer Mule Breath sent us this crazybutt story from Albany, New York, where some rightwing fundamentalist were making a death ray machine to sell to American Jews or the Ku Klux Klan, whichever was buying.

No seriously.

A plot to design a radiation weapon that could fit in a small van and be used to silently kill humans was unraveled by an FBI task force that charged two men — a General Electric Co. industrial mechanic from Saratoga County and a computer software expert from Columbia County -— with conspiring to sell the weapon to Jewish groups or a southern branch of the Ku Klux Klan.

The idea was that you could drive down the street and radiate your enemies. You know, kinda microwave them through their windows.

The two guys with this bright idea – which they were close to carrying out – were not only members of the Klan, but also are listed online as members of several Tea Party groups.

There a Tea Party dude living across the street from me so ole Bubba and me are getting us a lead  façade for the front of our house.

Thanks to Mule Breath for the great read.

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