This is gonna freak out some male readers, but here goes.

I got a call from a  friend today who says that she has had it had it had it with all these conservative white guys screaming about losing their freedoms and their liberty.

La de freekin’ da.

Until white men stop convening panels of all white men – none of them doctors – to discuss women’s health then shove it.  Until white men get to decide if a doctor can stick a sonogram tool in my whoha without my permission, then shove it.

I ain’t all that pro-wiretapping and collecting DNA, but, dammit, your phone call is not as private as my vagina.  So, maybe, just maybe Lady Karma is working her magic.

I just needed to get that off my chest before the weekend.

Thanks to Stephanie for the heads up.

Okay, so this has nothing to do with politics or the cosmetology business.

It has something to do with Holy-crap-and-I-thought-I-was addicted-to-gadgets or Signs-you-have-too-much-money.

It’s a Roomba for your iPad.  Or your iPhone.  And if you’re the thrifty sort, through the miracle of modern science it can do both.

No, no, no.  I am not making this up.  It’s on the Internet.

If you simply don’t have time to clean you iPad, this handy $30 plus tax, shipping, and two double AA batteries will save you hours of spitting on your iPhone screen and wiping it on the back of your pants.

Ain’t science grand?

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Y’all, it’s Louie.

During a Thursday rant about news that the National Security Agency (NSA) had been collecting phone records from millions of Americans, Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert (R-TX) seemed to be a little confused when he proclaimed that freedom of the press is “granted in the Second Amendment.”

Y’all, Louie doesn’t know there’s nine other ones  in the Bill of Rights.  In fact, the thinks the Bill of Rights is something Republicans owe.

Thanks to Mike for the heads up.

Ezekiel Gilbert is 23 years old and lives in Bexar County.  For those of you from foreign states, that’s pronounced Bear County and San Antonio is its largest city.

It’s not that Ezekiel is an unattractive man, but apparently he couldn’t get laid at the Chicken Ranch with a hen under each arm and a fifty dollar bill stapled to his forehead.

So, as any gentleman is apt to do on Christmas Eve, he hired a Craig’s List escort to come and, uh, trim his tree.

Lenora Ivie Frago showed up and took the $150 fee.  The tree trimming was not what you might call successful.  According to Ezekiel —

Gilbert testified earlier Tuesday that he had found Frago’s escort ad on Craigslist and believed sex was included in her $150 fee. But instead, Frago walked around his apartment and after about 20 minutes left, saying she had to give the money to her driver, he said.

That driver, the defense contended, was Frago’s pimp and her partner in the theft scheme.

So, he shot her.  In the neck.  She lived for seven months, paralyzed, before she died.

The jury found him not guilty.  You probably want to know why.

Gilbert’s defense team conceded the shooting did occur but said the intent wasn’t to kill. Gilbert’s actions were justified, they argued, because he was trying to retrieve stolen property: the $150 he paid Frago. It became theft when she refused to have sex with him or give the money back, they said.

Damn tootin’.  A man pays for something he don’t get and you expect him to call 911?  This is Texas, Honey, even ugly men deserve a little Christmas Eve hoochy.

Ezekiel thanked the jury for giving him “a second chance.”

Holy crap.

A second chance at what?

Thanks to Robert for the heads up.

I would like to introduce y’all to Heather McGill, wife of Aladamnbama State Senator Shadrack McGill.

Shadrack is no stranger to oddness.  For example, he believes that giving teachers a pay raise will only violate a biblical principle.

“If you double a teacher’s pay scale, you’ll attract people who aren’t called to teach … and these teachers that are called to teach, regardless of the pay scale, they would teach. It’s just in them to do. It’s the ability that God give ’em.”

Obviously his teachers weren’t paid enough.

Heather McGill, Bibles and Bump-Its.

But now, things have turned ugly and his wife, Heather, has done her biblical duty.

Heather claims that stripper women are inviting her husband to “explore” on Facebook and sometimes strippers show up at his office and even at their home.

Heather, who is joyfully yet painfully unaware of how Facebook works, posted on her husband’s Facebook page that she ain’t putting up with this crapola.

She took to Facebook to lecture them on wifely duties.  In says, in part for you people who ain’t on Facebook …

I am very blessed to be the wife of a God fearing, hard working, ministry minded, loving father and husband and it is not just my right but my duty to lovingly serve him by protecting him! I have been silent for long enough!! NO MORE! Multiple times since being in office he has gotten emails from women (who may not even be real) inviting him to explore, also sending pictures of themselves. NO MORE!!!

And then she gets to the real Jesus-loving part.

I boldly stand before you today and declare that I will stand beside my husband, support him, love him, and protect him at ALL cost!!!! Those of you who know who you are consider yourself warned!

Y’all, as entertaining as this all is, I do think someone ought to tell her what spam is and that whoever is sending strippers to her house is a damn funny person.

Thanks to Deb for the heads up.