I am a fifth generation Texan.  I have an inbred dislike of Oklahoma, born of college football rivalry.

Why doesn’t Texas slide into the Gulf of Mexico?  Because Oklahoma sucks.

And right now, we have a small contest on who has the suckiest Senators – Texas or Oklahoma.  Texas appears to be winning that one by a slight margin hardly worth mentioning.

I am a woman of faith so I am happy that people are praying.  But they need more than prayer.

I am not a fan of the Red Cross.  Maybe you are and that’s fine.  But, if you want to donate a couple of buck to put prayer into action, there’s other places.

I have a friend who was helped by Americare and speaks very highly of them.  Charity Navigator and the BBB give them high ratings.

The Salvation Army is there helping.   Donate online or text STORM to 80888 to contribute $10 to the Salvation Army’s relief efforts.

Operation USA in Los Angeles is on the way.

Please check out charities through the Charity Navigator before donating.

If you know of any other reputable agencies, please let us know.

Customer John lives in the gnawing belly of East Texas and sends us some insight into the pits of hell.

When you can’t understand why people in East Texas keep electing Louie Gohmert, Steve Stockman, and other assorted fools, here’s a bit of a hint:  sometimes they just don’t know any better.

Take the local newspapers for example.  Click the little one to get the big one or open it in a PDF because we are technologically sassy at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.

This is the Tyler Morning Telegraph.  It’s an AP story which includes information that there is no evidence that President Obama ordered or even knew about the IRS targeting groups wanting tax exempt status.   You would not guess that from the headline, now would you?

And while the story includes the fact that other Presidents may have used the IRS for punishment of their political enemies, the headline indicates that President Obama is familiar to scandals.

When the AP files a story, local newspapers can and do write their own headlines.  The same story appeared in the Boston Globe except “Scandal” was replaced with “Allegations” in the headline as did the Fresno Bee, NBC News, and even KTUV.  Every other replay of the AP story used the word “allegation.”  The East Texas newspaper used “Scandal.”

And they put the story in the “FAITH” section.  Yes, they do still have freedom of religion in East Texas:  you can belong to any kind of Baptist Church you want to.  Why would political news headline the FAITH section of the local newspaper, you ask?   Because you have to accept on faith that Barack Obama has cloven hooves.

John promises to keep an eye out for more of this crapola.

Thanks to John for the heads up.

Quit looking smug, Virginia.  You got your share of crazies, too.

If a woman in Virginia has a miscarriage without a doctor present, they must report it within 24 hours to the police or risk going to jail for a full year. At least, that’s what would have happened if a bill introduced by Virginia state Sen. Mark Obenshain (R) had become law.

So, if you’re in a Virginia and have a miscarriage without a doctor present, you have to “within 24 hours, report the fetal death, location of the remains, and identity of the mother to the local or state police or sheriff’s department of the city or county where the fetal death occurred.”

State Sen. Mark Obenshain

That’s right.  Not a doctor.  The police.  You know – where you go to report a crime.  Where they will open a file with your name on it and the condition of the fetus.  And if you don’t, you face a year in jail and a $25,000 fine.

Now I’m not saying that every woman whose menstrual cycle is a week late should march herself to the sheriff’s department and say, “I think I may have had a miscarriage.  I need to report it in graphic detail for the purely prurient pleasure of state Sen. Mark Obenshain.

I am not saying that you should then mail a copy of the report to Sen. Mark Obenshain, P.O. Box 555, Harrisonburg, VA 22803 with a little smiley face on the front.

By the way, Mark Obenshain is running for Virginia Attorney General.  There will be a Democratic primary on June 11th to determine his Democratic opponent.  I’ll post the name of the winner if you remind me and we can all send him a dollar or two.

Rand Paul, a man so crazy that he could only have been sired in Texas, went on the Sunday morning teevee shows and said that the IRS had a “written policy” that said agency officials were “targeting people who were opposed to the president.”

Oh really?

When CNN anchor Candy Crowley pressed Paul for details, the junior Kentucky senator revealed that he had only heard about the memo.

Rand kept insisting that the memo exists because he heard about it and – to add credibility to the existence of such a memo – he stated that it has “bullet points.”

Rand Paul

Oh dear God.  Bullet points.  We are so screwed.  You cannot make up bullet points.  Or worse yet, what if it’s a PowerPoint?  You can’t lie about imaginary PowerPoints.  Something bad will happen if you do.  Like maybe your hair will fall out and you have to train a squirrel to be still on your head.

Then he says —

“I haven’t seen a policy statement, but I think we need to see that.”

Okay, I am not suggesting that you haven’t seen it because it doesn’t exist.  I would never say that and ruin your chance at winning a Pulitzer Prize for fiction.  That would just be mean of me.

Next Up:  There was a written memo and the Democrats destroyed it.  Coming next week to a Sunday morning talk show near you.

East Texas, of damn course.

I do not know what seige is but I do know that apparently being under it takes a backhoe.

Thanks to Larry for the heads up.

For about 10 days now I have been getting emails and tips about Bill Nye The Science Guy getting booed in Waco for saying that the moon doesn’t have light of its own but reflected light from the sun, in direct contradiction to Genesis 1:16.

Waco: In Texas By Geological Accident

First of all, according to Nye, he didn’t get booed.  One woman took her children and walked out.  Second of all, it happened in 2006.

I’ll have you know that we have become far more sophisticated in Texas since 2006.

If Nye were to say that today in Waco, the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club would have been prepared for his visit with “Hell for Heathens and Science Guys” posters with at least two misspelled words.  The President of Baylor University Ken Starr (yes, that Ken Starr) would have started an investigation of Nye’s hoochy-koochy life.  And Louie Gohment would have arrived with his asparagus aspersion casting machine.

And Billy Hank’s Guns, Bait and Wedding Supplies Convenience Store would have sold far more guns than bait in preparation for Nye’s visit. Rick Perry would have declared it Freedom From Facts Day and the moon wouldn’t even have had the guts to show up that night.

We are ready for  that kind of hocus-pocus science in Texas nowadays.