If every action does indeed have an equal and opposite reaction, then you need to put me and Phyllis Schlafly across the room from each other and then get the hell outta the way.

Today, Schlafly said that Republicans should stop right now trying to reach out to Hispanics.  Wanna know why?

“And the people the Republicans should reach out to are the white votes — the white voters who didn’t vote in the last election, and there are millions of them,” she advised.

Yeah, Phyllis, but they’re gay.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

James Carville, of course.

“God closes one door for Michelle Bachmann and opens three to Louie Gohmert.”

And then today, to make it so, Louie says —

It is clear that the reason for the collapse was due to a collision with the super structure of the bridge – not a lack of structural integrity of the bridge. The bridge would indeed be standing today had the truck’s load NOT rammed the super structure of the bridge.In fact, 11 of the 12 sections of the bridge are still standing.

Hummm … and as Charles Pierce points out, “92 percent of a bridge really isn’t a bridge.”

No, I believe it would be a diving board.

Thanks to Robert and Maryfor the heads up.

Dear FEC,

Remember all those reports we filed last year when we tried to get Rick Perry elected President?  Well, they were all incomplete.  We left out a lot of information about vendors who got paid directly by our staff.  Pages and pages of them.  We know you sent us a bunch of letters telling us that we had to disclose that stuff, but it was a pain in the ass and we were trying to win an election.  Sorry.  Here are the right numbers:

.

So, we’re good, right?  I mean the election has been over for more than sixth months, so who cares?

Love and Raw Freekin’ Arrogance,
Winning Our Future, The Super PAC that supported Rick Perry.

Thanks to Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen for the Breakfast Blizzard this morning.

Susan Combs

Not to be outdone by Michele Bachmann, Texas Comptroller Republican Susan Combs announced to day that she will not be seeking office again.

Speculation is that my State Senator Glen Hagar who, bless his heart, always looks like he spent the night in the dishwasher will be running for that seat along with Debra Medina who is a woman dead set on making Michele Bachmann look sane.  Rumor has it that Tom Craddick, the most vindictive man in Texas, and a guy named Harvey Ray Hilderbran, who is currently a member of the Texas House are also interested.

The way I see it, even if the Republicans win the seat, we get rid of three of them, which is a good start with this crowd.

Dan Patrick, radio personality but not sports

There will also be a Republican cat fight for Lt. Gov. in Texas, where the real power resides.  The incumbent, David Dewhurst, is still bouncing from the beating he took from Ted Cruz when they both ran for Senate.  I heard today that my personal favorite crazy butt guy Dan Patrick (not the sports announcer) might run.  If so, I’ve been paying the right preacher because Dan Patrick is a doozy in the unintended comical department.

It’s gonna be fun watching them bloody each other up good.

If a lie falls on Fox News and no sane person hears it …

I promise you, it still makes a sound.

A leading media fact-checking organization rates Republicans as less trustworthy than Democrats, according to a new study by the Center for Media and Public Affairs (CMPA) at George Mason University. The study finds that PolitiFact.com has rated Republican claims as false three times as often as Democratic claims during President Obama’s second term. Republicans continue to get worse marks in recent weeks, despite controversies over Obama administration statements on Benghazi, the IRS and the AP.

So, there’s a correlation between quantity of lies and desperation?   Wow, who would have thunk that?

Thanks to David for the heads up.

Republican men – you can’t love ‘um and you can’t kick ‘um.

Please allow me to introduce Nebraska state Sen. Bill Kintner, a man who calls himself a Christian, and has apparently recently been named Reserve Champion Men You’d Like to Kick, Patronizing Division.

When asked what he would consider his “biggest mystery,” Kintner replied: “Women. No one understands them. They don’t even understand themselves. Books and books and books have been written about it, and no one understands it.”

But, Kintner adds, he does not suffer from the same crippling lack of self-knowledge as the more mysterious half of the population: “Men are very easy to understand. Very basic, very simple,” he said.

Yes, very simple.  Simply needing to be kicked.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.