So you’re a Texas school teacher and you’ve been accused of molesting one of your first-grade students.

You know that you probably should have talked to a lawyer before you came up with this defense …

But Stokes has denied the allegations, claiming that her racist tendencies would prevent her from ever fondling a black student.

“She (said she) doesn’t like to even touch the black children on their hand, she shies away when they try to hug her — she admitted to being prejudice [sic],” Blanchard told KHOU 11 News.

True, the school was in Humble, Texas, where being a racist is practically required for home purchase, but the case will be set in Harris County – where racism isn’t tested with your driver’s license renewal.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

So, if this whole senatoring thing doesn’t work out for Ted Cruz, there’s always a chance he could make it as a comedian.  He had Chuck Schumer laughing out loud yesterday on the Senate floor.

Crazy Cruz

Behaving like an eighth grade debater who hadn’t done his research, Cruz got trapped in an indefensible position on the Senate floor during the shameful gun debate.

Cruz tried to defend his statement that the bill “might,” by gawd, lead to a national registry.  I think it’s far more likely that Ted Cruz being in the senate might lead to forty miles of rough road, me being elected the Queen of Ohio, and something better than sliced bread.

Look, we need to order a case of goofy because Ted Cruz seems intent on waddling in some every day.

Y’all, I need prayer or a good psychiatrist, either one, maybe both, because I am enjoying the life of Mark Sanford way too much for a normal person.  And sadly, I know for a fact that I am enjoying his life far more than he is.  That just doesn’t seem right.

Former South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford must appear in court two days after running for a vacant congressional seat to answer a complaint that he trespassed at his ex-wife’s home, according to court documents acquired by The Associated Press on Tuesday.

The complaint says Jenny Sanford confronted Sanford leaving her Sullivan’s Island home on Feb. 3 by a rear door, using his cell phone for a flashlight. Her attorney filed the complaint the next day and Jenny Sanford confirmed Tuesday the documents are authentic.

But, Mark Sanford, who has a perfectly charming reason for everything he does, says that he was only being a good father, explaining ….

I did indeed watch the second half of the Super Bowl at the beach house with our 14-year-old son because as a father I didn’t think he should watch it alone.

He also explained that the reason he didn’t call his former wife to let her know he was coming to her house, even though the divorce settlement says he can’t enter her home, was because she was out of town.  And, of course, cell phones can work as flashlights, but not to call people way over yonder in other cities.

Republicans must be thrilled with having this guy on the ticket.  At least he has reasons for being a total jerk.  Bad and ridiculous reasons, but at least they are reasons.  Which is far more than can be said for other Republicans.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

The little town of West, Texas, has been leveled to the ground.  What was is no more.

We can take small comfort that the explosion was after school was out or the toll could have been much, much worse.

I cannot and will not speculate on the cause of this horror that came without warning to so many people going about their lives expecting to be here today.

I am, however, lifted by the spirit of the American people, who run toward blazing hellholes and flying shrapnel to rescue people they don’t even know.  We are good people.

Louie Gohmert.

Aaarrrrgggghhhhhh

That is all.

The Tea Party favorite said he feared people entering the country illegally or posing as undocumented Hispanic immigrants could carry out “copycat things.” “We know Al Qaeda has camps on the Mexican border,” he said. “We have people that are trained to act Hispanic when they are radical Islamists.”

Seriously, y’all, I’m having a real hard time not sending him email love letters in Spanish with pictures of Penelope Cruz attached.

We are joining the 21st century.

House Bill 313, which received praise from committee members in a Monday hearing, and Senate Bill 315, which was voted out of committee Thursday, propose allowing voters to register online and have that application automatically authenticated rather than having to wait on local election officials to reenter the data in their systems and confirm it.

Texas will save about 80 cents her voter application by allowing online registration.  Those savings, of course, will be put in a lockbox for Rick Perry to display during his Presidential run.  Hungry children might be allowed to look at it but not touch it.

If you’re from around here, call your lege varmint and let them know you favor online voting registration because, dammit, these computer dohickeys ain’t just a passing fad.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.