It appears that Elizabeth Colbert Busch has widen her lead against Mark Sanford.

I guess Ole Sanford can put on his hiking boots again. He’s sitting there like a painted lady at a prayer meeting hoping like hell that the choir won’t notice he’s drunk.

This one is worth winning just to hear Sanford explain his loss.

Our head manicurist, Thelma, has had it up to here, and she is ready to bump heads with Rick Perry.

My money is on Thelma.

Rick Perry has announced in the wake of the bomb that went off in West, Texas, that what Texas really needs is less regulation.  Yes, you read that right.  And unless I made a typo, it says LESS.

Yeah, that’s what caused that explosion – too much regulation and not near enough job creation.  However, I do think funeral homes, flower shops and hospitals did quite well.

Several experts believe that had knowledgeable authorities known that 270 tons of ammonium nitrate was stored at a facility so close to school and residences, it would have triggered inspections to see whether the material was safely stored and secured.

But it didn’t trigger inspections because the owners of the facility didn’t report it.  All that reporting would have created at least one other job and these job creators can’t be expected to create more jobs when profit is the whole point, you know.

So, Texas now has both Rick Perry and Tea Party Darling Attorney General  Greg Abbott in West, Texas, campaigning against each other while standing on rubble, arguing over who thinks rubble is prettier and, dammit, we need more of it.

And amid all this, Texas Democrats have two folks running for Governor – diddle and squat.  We are trying to plow around the stump again.

I heard the other day that someone was starting a Draft Bill White campaign, the former Mayor of Houston and practiced loser.  Well hell, just check me in at the Nutcracker Suite and put me out of my misery.  I know I’m gonna hack off a lot of my Democratic friends but until Bill White gets a glitter enema, stops trying to run as a closet Republican, and releases his damn tax returns, the fat lady is starting on the third verse.   His last campaign against Rick Perry was the most pathetic thing I’ve seen since Elvis died.

Then I heard that Kinky Friedman was gonna run as a Democrat.  My dog Truman is smarter than Kinky Friedman and a helluva lot better lookin’.  Hell, Truman asleep with mange would still be smarter and better lookin’ than Kinky.  Plus, Truman knows four tricks, which is 3 more than Rick Perry knows.

And then there’s Thelma, Texas’ only 300 pound skinny jean wearing manicurist.  Thelma is a high school graduate and a certified notary public.  Not only that, but if the Gov Shack burns down again, she doesn’t need any $10,000 a month mansion rental.  She comes complete with her own travel trailer.  That makes her the most qualified person in this race.  And did I mention that she has big hair?  Real big hair.

And Thelma thinks that anything within spittin’ distance of a school should be regulated as all get-out.  Thelma says, “You cannot trust crony capitalists, horse thieves, people who talk about Jesus way too much, and ping pong players.”  I do not know what Thelma has against ping pong players but I bet it’s a good story.

So, if Democrats can’t come up with something better than Kinky Friedman and Bill White, Thelma is in.

Mark Sanford took out a full page ad in the Charleston newspaper to explain trespassing on his wife’s property.

Apparently, it’s Nancy Pelosi’s fault.

I love how he explains that he had the lowest Governor’s traveling expenses in 30 years and his were half what his predecessor’s was.  Yeah, but his predecessor didn’t use his state travel expenses to go to South America to play sparkin’ with his girlfriend.  That is probably Hillary Clinton’s fault.

He commits damn sacrilege in the last paragraph, quoting William B Travis from the Alamo and claiming him as South Carolinian.  I know William B Travis.  William B Travis is a hero of mine.  Sir, you are no William B Travis.  Col. William B Travis would rather die in Texas than live in South Carolina.

Then he compares Democrats to Santa Anna.  No, Honey, Santa Anna got caught while boinkin’ his girlfriend.  You are Santa Anna.

A full page ad.  Really?  If you can’t explain your behavior in one sentence and not blame Nancy Pelosi, then don’t do it.  That’s a good rule for life.

Thanks to Irene for the heads up.

Dudley Doright and the Royal Canadian Mounted Police have saved Sweet Nell Fenwick at last!

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police are expected to announce Monday afternoon that Canadian law enforcement officials have “thwarted a plot to carry out a major terrorist attack, arresting suspects in Ontario and Quebec,” the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation reported.

Well done, Mounties.  I’m glad you always get your man.

I guess Ole Louie Gohmert is disappointed that instead of disguising themselves as Mexicans, terrorists are disguising themselves as Canadians.

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I will bet you ten dollars that Michele Bachmann is singing Lalalalalalalala very loudly so Jesus won’t hear about this.

U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann’s former chief of staff, GOP operative Andy Parrish, stated in a signed affidavit Monday that the Minnesota Republican approved payments made to a top aide who was barred by Iowa Senate ethics rules from accepting money for his work on her presidential campaign.

She laundered money through one of her PACs.  She is not a woman who inspires loyalty because her entire staff has turned against her.

If this woman is a Christian, then I’m the Queen of Ohio.

Thanks to Bud for the charming heads up.

If you’ve been around here very long, you’ve heard me talk about the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club.  That’s not their real name.  Their real name is the Spirit of Freedom Republican Women’s Club.

I started calling them the Belles of Heaven about 10 years ago and now even other Republicans call them that.

I think we’re due for a name change.  Click the little one to see the big one.

The Moron Roundup Republican Women’s Club?

Louie Gohmert?  I used to send Fenway Fran to spy for me at these events, but she moved and it is becoming increasingly hard to blend in with this picture of their officers ….

We live in a majority minority county so by way of contrast, here’s the Democratic Women’s group in the same county, taken last month at the Blue Ribbon Day in Austin.

You tell me which group looks more in touch with reality.

Okay, I’m looking for a volunteer to go tape Louie.  Let me know if you can do it.