Meanwhile, in Memphis …

Police have arrested a Memphis man and his son after the father allegedly brandished an AK-47 at a fast-food restaurant when their order got messed up. The Commercial Appeal reports the incident happened on Thursday at Pirtle’s Chicken in Memphis.

Shocking, isn’t it?  Just shocking.  They were eating fried chicken in Memphis that was not from Gus’s?  Good thing they were armed because that’s a shooting offense in Memphis.

That’s like eating a McRib sandwich instead of Corky’s wet rub rib plate. Or dry rub.  It hardly matters.

Personally, I follow the gourmet rule that if you can buy it through a window in your car, don’t eat it.

If their lawyer needs a witness, I would be happy to testify under oath that eating at Pirtle’s is prima facia proof of insanity.  After all, somebody has to stand up for important things in the south.

Thanks to Hilary for the heads up.

You know, if this country didn’t have the Bible Belt, sin and wickedness would reign all over the land.

Two high-ranking officials at the state Department of Agriculture resigned after hosting a drunken party during a government-funded training session and then going skinny dipping with several employees, according to an investigation released Wednesday.

Chief Operating Officer Billy Skaggs and Oscar Garrison, director of the food safety division, both resigned March 30. Several others were disciplined for their conduct during the Sept. 17 incident.

Well hell, Billy Bob, food inspection is a high pressure job and if ya can’t get nakkid and party every now and then, what’s the use of having a government job?

Oscar and Billy - Clothed

Now see, if this had happened in California, where they have banned Bibles and Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, then nobody would have said diddle squat.  But because it’s Georgia, Billy and Oscar got the publicity they needed to let the word out that they are party animals.

Is the Bible Belt great or what?

East Texas Republican State Rep (you know already that this is going to be good, right?) David Simpson does not want people touching him anywhere near his winkie, dammit.  He’s working on a perfect record of no winkie touching, dammit.

A contentious proposal to criminalize excessive touching by agents during airport security pat-downs returned Wednesday to the Texas Legislature, along with concerns that the federal government could ground all flights into and out of the state if it ever becomes law.

The poor man has a belly full of bedsprings not over the fact that we are still being searched at airports, but because that search might involve his winkie.  Which is like being nakkid.  Almost.

Simpson said his bill was more necessary than ever because traditional metal detectors at airports have increasingly been replaced by full-body scanners that “basically allow people to be viewed naked.” He said he and others who object to that now often have no choice but to endure pat-downs.

The poor boy has never had a mammogram, huh?   With a mammogram you get both.

Simpson says he knows that current Texas law does not allow groping or inappropriate touching by airport security screeners but he wants to talk about his winkie some more and this bill is a way he can do it.

He even gets to look at dirty pictures if he introduces this bill and, boy howdy!, he gets to share them with his fellow Republicans. He’s got a “packet” of pictures with airport security screeners doing things that he thinks are dirty.

Rep. Harvey Hilderbran, a Kerrville Republican, said of the security officials in the pictures Simpson provided, “some of them seem to be enjoying the groping.”

Yeah, the Texas House Republican Dirty Happenin’s Committee had to look at those pictures more than a dozen times to get the full impact before they went on to looking at the bras in the Sears catalog.

They got themselves worked into a lather and got to bill writin’ faster than a hiccup so they can share these pictures with their brethren on the House Committee on Have You Seen This?, Indignity Subcommittee.

Before you know it all that thinking about winkie patting and hooter rubbing just sucked the air plum out of the legislature and all that was left standing was State Representative David Simpson holding his winkie.  I do not know if this is a true story but it makes good tellin’.

By the way, in case you were wondering about this, he’s not only an East Texan, he’s a Baptist so he likes to talk about depravity a whole lot.

Thanks to UmptyDump for the heads up.

Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson ain’t a nobody.  He’s got a bushel and peck of gravitas.  He’s on Sean Hannity’s show speaking for Christian conservatives.

A controversial Alabama reverend and occassional Fox News guest said allowing women to vote was “one of the greatest mistakes America made” during a jaw-dropping sermon explaining how women’s rise in power caused the downfall of America.

Now, wait a minute.  The good Reverend is not finished …

“They can’t handle stress. They can’t handle anything,” he said. “You walk up to them with an issue, they freak out right away. Especially if they can’t get the problem resolved right away … they go nuts. They get mad. They get upset. Because it’s not in their nature. They don’t have patience. They don’t have love.”

Okay, Rev, I want you to re-read out loud what you just said.  Your Viagra didn’t work, did it?

And yes, he has been on Sean Hannity’s show since he said all this and Sean said not one word about it.   Personally, I don’t think Sean’s Viagra works either because a lot of women are upset at him.

Thanks to Rick for the heads up.

Now Texas Congresswhacko Steve Stockman has learned to tweet.  You know, the crazy guy.  The one who thinks fetuses should be armed.

.

But what if it’s a gay baby, Steve?

East Texas sent this man to congress because he’s so damn clever.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Oh, South Carolina, you make me so happy.  Compared to you, Texas looks almost sane.  Okay, maybe not almost but at least your droolers are a change of scenery from our knuckle draggers.

Please meet Congressdrooler Jeff Duncan from South Carolina.  Jeff has some thoughts on background checks prior to purchase of guns and he put it on Facebook.

He starts with the sentence “Let’s not kid ourselves.”  From there he circles around the canyon, saws a woman in half in a wooden box, plays with some smoke and mirrors, and ends up with machetes in Rwanda.

Yes, background checks will result in the wholesale slaughter of Americans by machetes.  Just.  Like.  Rwanda.  Exactly like Rwanda.  Machetes.

Remember, he says he’s not kidding, but I find that hard to believe since a background check is not a national registry.

However, it is kinda funny that Jeff Duncan used Facebook, the largest national registry in the world, to speak about the evils of a national registry.  So, let’s really not kid ourselves – Jeff Duncan is nuts.

Thanks to Deb for the heads up.