The George Dubya Bush “Library” is set to open on the campus of Southern Methodist University on May 1st.

Everything in the library is named Freedom.

The three-story complex will include Freedom Hall, which features a 360-degree high-definition video wall, and Freedom Plaza — a courtyard and fountain.

Other attractions will include a 14,000-square-foot permanent exhibit, a restaurant, classrooms, research rooms, offices, seminar rooms, an auditorium and a presidential suite.

There is also the Freedom Bathroom, the Freedom Bookshelf, the Freedom drinking fountain ….

The red brick-and-limestone building features signature architecture such as Freedom Hall, whose 67-foot tower has a lantern that glows at night.

Oh cool, betcha it’s neon.

I think there’s also The Tomb of the Unknown Jewish Florida Voter and a whole section devoted to Kathryn Harris’s lipstick.

No, I am not going to the opening.  I don’t trust that sumbitch not to start a war with TCU.

The other day Momma called and wanted to know what The Cloud everybody was talking about was.  Momma is 86 years old.  I was tempted to tell her it was a rock band and leave it at that, but Momma is real good at catchin’ me at stuff when I try to make my life easier.

I didn’t know where to start.  “It’s a date storage system,” was not the answer she was looking for.  She wanted to know why they call it a cloud and is it a satellite and can the cloud eat her bank records and why would anyone possibly need something like that and are you sure it’s safe and have you told your brother about this and can you see it in the sky?

God is going to hold me accountable for this but I finally said, “Look, Momma, it has something to do with s-e-x and you don’t want to know about it.”  She agreed and went on to tell me about her yellowbells growing on the back fence.

Texas Congressvarmint Louie Gohmert is not as smart as Momma.  If he doesn’t understand something, it has to be a government conspiracy.  But instead of asking questions, Louie thinks he already has the answer and wants to stump the computer wiz.

He does not do this well.

You really need to go read read the whole thing because Louie could be all Three Stooges at once.

The wheel and fire are also government conspiracies and Louie is just waiting for the right time to make hay with that information.

Now you know what turning Texas blue is called Battleground Texas.  We have to fight stoopid.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

I’m outta town but I could not let the night pass without telling you that Rick Perry is staring in his own Doomsday Prepper series.

There is one billion dollars in gold bars stored with the Federal Reserve that belongs to the University of Texas Investment Management Co. Rick Perry thinks it’s his. So, he wants to move it to Texas and rub the gold bars over his nakkid body. Okay, I just grossed myself out.

“We don’t want just the certificates. We want our gold. And if you’re the state of Texas, you should be able to get your gold.”

Look, if you wouldn’t trust Rick Perry with one billion dollars in gold bars … then come on over to the beauty salon and hoot laughing with the rest of us.

Up between Texas and Arkansas is a place called Liberty Eylua, Texas.  I’m not saying this is the geographic center of batcrap crazy in Texas and dangerously close to Arkansas, but …. oh hell, never mind, it probably is.

A bizarre chain of events led to a massive blaze that completely burned down one home and damaged another on Wednesday night in Bowie County.

The fire chief explained how things went tragically wrong moments after the homeowner made a quick decision after a frightening discovery.

“While cleaning up, she saw a snake, threw gasoline on the snake, and lit the snake on fire,” said Deputy Randall Baggett of the Bowie County Sheriff’s Office. “And the snake went into the brush pile and the brush pile caught the home on fire.

It was not immediate clear whether any charges will be filed.

A neighboring home was also damaged by the fire.

I suspect it seemed like a good idea at the time.  The upside is that the fire did $42,000 worth of improvements on the house.

Thanks to Carol Ann for the heads up.

Louie Gohmert.

Made the newspaper.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Crazy), after calling Sen. John McCain (R-Bitter) “numbnuts,” gives what may be the funniest apology ever!

“I did express my regret in saying that he was a numbnuts because I didn’t — I probably shouldn’t have used the word ‘numb’, ” Gohmert said. “That was probably unfair.”

SuperDeLux Brand Christian David Barton has come up with a new theory on why war is justified. We have to slaughter people to civilize them.

Fancy David Barton, Injun Killer

No, I am not kidding.

To demonstrate his point, Barton said that Native Americans declared war on “all the white guys” because missionaries tried to convince them to stop torturing their enemies but they resisted these efforts to civilize them and “so we had to go in and we had to destroy Indian tribes all over until” they got the message.

I am not going to say Hitler, although this may be the one argument in a million where it is justified, but I will say Pol Pot.

Thanks to Norma for the heads up.