There’s a sheriff in Chattanooga, Tennessee, who has gotten himself in a passel of hassle over an interview he did with the local newspaper. He did a newspaper interview about crime and

It started off bad and went downhill so fast you’d think it was rocket fuel powered.

Here’s what he said —

Public interest in crime, safety and security has been more intense over the last three years in part because the nation has its first black president, Hamilton County Sheriff Jim Hammond said.

“We may dance around it but a lot of people are fearful of ‘Ah, this is gonna ruin our country,'” Hammond said this week during a meeting with Chattanooga Times Free Press editors and reporters. “Fear and uncertainty. Part of it is [the] first black president. I mean, we all see that.”

What ya mean by “we”, Kemo Sabe?   Sheriff Jim, you are Lone Rangering this one.

So, Sheriff Jim, who if he was any whiter would have to be put on sale every January, has ears that don’t listen to his mouth.  That seems to be a common malady among folks who generally have a foot in their mouths.

Sheriff Jim spent the next week going around saying that everybody’s ears were absolutely not in proper working condition.  He never said what he’s saying.  Ole Sheriff Jim when on an Explainin’ Tour.

During an interview Tuesday, Hammond said because President Barack Obama was in office as the nation’s first black president, some in the community were insecure.

Today Hammond told commissioners his comment about Obama was taken out of context, but he did say fear existed in the county.

And then, come to find out, he said that fear was only the past 3 years and compared it to “carpetbaggers coming to the south after the Civil War.”  And right here, the newspaper put up an audio of Ole Jim’s flappin’ lips.

Some think Sheriff Jim was just trying to be neighborly.  He said he had even expressed this opinion in black neighborhoods.  Boy howdy, I betcha he did.  I’m certain that black folks got the message – you elect another black man and you’re gonna get killed.

Thanks to whoever sent me this story because I was outta town yesterday and somehow messed up and deleted the email the tip came in.

Louie Gohmert, who exists solely to confirm the stereotype of ignorant Texans for people from foreign states to feel superior,  has a new theory.

The national debt is just like slavery.  Well, and abortion.

“Slavery and abortion are the two most horrendous things this country has done but when you think about the immorality of wild, lavish spending on our generation and forcing future generations to do without essentials just so we can live lavishly now, it’s pretty immoral.”

Louie, the only people who are living lavishly are the people you keep giving tax cuts and refusing to pay their fair share.  The rest of us are living paycheck to paycheck.  But that’s not immoral?

Hey, at least he’s improving some.  He did leave off Hitler this time.  And he hasn’t mentioned terror babies in a while.

Thanks to Warner for the heads up.

Talk about having it floored in neutral, Tennessee has taken the leadership role in the switchblade knife industry because we don’t have enough damn ways for people to hurt each other.

Now there’s a bill to make it legal for Tennesseans to carry switchblades, daggers, stilettos and possibly even swords and spears to defend themselves against the criminal element.

Well, surely they mean responsible adults with training in the handling of the entire Rachel Ray steak knife assortment.

Pull in on those reins, Buddy.  They ain’t going there.  One state senator explained –

“If my 18-year-old daughter feels the need to carry a weapon to defend herself, by law she cannot carry a pistol and it’s my contention that she should be able to carry a knife to defend herself. And she shouldn’t have to worry about going across the state and wondering whether this length knife is going to be legal in this city and illegal in that city.”

How ’bout your 12 year old daughter?  Is there some law in Tennessee that makes it legal to attack 18 year olds but not 12 year olds.  Oh hell, why stop there.  Let’s give one to the kid walking to kindergarten.

I dunno, but if I see some dude walking down the street with a sword, I’m going to ask him if he’s Robert E Lee.

I’ve been pondering on what sharp object I would use and have decided that I’m going with a piece of paper.  Those paper cuts will hurt like the dickens for days.  I could scare the fool outta people.  “I’m gonna grab you, hold you down, get a sheet of legal paper and paper cut your butt until it looks like a roadmap of New York City,” is like the nuclear weapon of threats.

I’m Texas Tuff, Honey.  I’m taking a nap.  Y’all need to wake me up with the silliness ends.

Thanks to Kathleen for the heads up.

If any of y’all see Sarah Palin anywhere around, please hand her this.

Dear Sarah Palin,

Wipe that smirk off your face, woman.  You look like a fool.

You go all Chicken Little to your base of old men who can’t hear worth a damn and think the whippersnappers took their manhood instead of old age.  What the tarnation are you talking about?

Sarah Palin says America will eventually default on its debt and claims that the federal government is “stockpiling bullets in case of civil unrest” to prepare.

“If we are going to wet our proverbial pants over 0.3% in annual spending cuts when we’re running up trillion dollar annual deficits, then we’re done. Put a fork in us. We’re finished. We’re going to default eventually and that’s why the feds are stockpiling bullets in case of civil unrest,” Palin wrote in a Facebook message Tuesday.

Girl, get off of Facebook and go read a book.  And what the hell proverbial pants are you talking about?  I do not own one single pair of proverbial pants and if you have a problem wetting yours get some of those old lady pads that you can buy some machine to twist for you if you don’t have time to.  I don’t want to be thinking about this stuff, so shuddup.

Who are “the feds”?  I mean, are you going all jackbooted thugs on us?   Are the feds now some horrible thing coming to lock you up in an  invisible concentration camp buried under the Denver airport?

And they’re stockpiling ammo to come shoot you?  Why would they do that?  Honey, you have done more damage to yourself than a whole armory could do.  Why would they want to compete?

But I haven’t even gotten to the good part yet.

After spouting this crapola, here’s how you concluded —

Palin wrote that she wants lawmakers to “stop the hysterics.”

Girl, do you even know what hysterics means?  It means going around claiming the feds are stockpiling ammo to kill you. That’s what it means.  Look it up.

Girl, sneeze – your brain is all dusty.

Love and Fried Okra,

Juanita

Thanks to David for the heads up.

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