As customer Brian says, “They dug a hole and that’s where they put the bar.  How much lower can ya go?”

It takes very little to be a Conservative Hero nowadays.

President George W. Bush’s former chief strategist Matthew Dowd is slamming the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) for snubbing New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie (R) while inviting former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R), who he asserts “wasn’t competent enough to keep a Fox News contract.”

However, Democrats are rejoicing.   James Carville says, “Any day that you have more Sarah Palin and less Chris Christie is a good day for James Carville.”

We here at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc. are hoping that CSpan covers CPAV.  That would be must-see teevee!

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

Texas man-about-pasture, Kinky Friedman, is once again pondering on running for Governor of Texas.

Kinky writes books, sings songs, offends damn near everybody, and has no visible means of support except for his occasional Bi-Polar World Tours.

Kinky has run for Governor, Agriculture Commissioner, and the county line. He is funny.

Last week in Dallas, he startled the world with his plans for the great up yonder.

Kinky reports that he has made out his will. He says, “I’m gonna be cremated and I want my ashes spread on Rick Perry’s hair.”

Never to be seen again.

Thanks to David for the heads up.

It seems to me that Mark Sanford is now Hiking the Fruitcake Trail.

Here’s the strangest damn story you’ll hear all day.  Mark Sanford, the former Republican Governor of South Carolina who got caught having a torrid love affair with an Argentina hottie, is now running for Senate, you know, where he could take more international trips lookin’ for love without raising suspicions.

There had been speculation that his first wife, Jenny, who is more popular than he ever was, might run for the senate seat herownself.  She decided against it.  Their divorce was not a pleasant event and she says they rarely even speak to each other.

So, Mark Sanford, who is even more delusional than the required amount it takes to be a Republican, hatched a plan.

At the funeral of a mutual friend, he asked her if she was going to run for the senate seat.  She told him no.

The very next day, he went to visit her.

According to Jenny, she had already told Mark she would be taking a pass on the race the day before, at the funeral of a mutual friend. So when Mark came to visit her, he arrived with a proposal. “Since you’re not running, I want to know if you’ll run my campaign,” he said. “We could put the team back together.”

Jenny told him, in so many words, that wasn’t going to happen. Mark made one last appeal.

“I could pay you this time,” he said.

Republicans – where money is the motivation for damn near anything.

Thanks to Brian and David for the heads up.

Remember Sheldon Adelson?  The Las Vegas guy who spent $150 million dollars to help Republicans in the last election?

You know, the guy who looks like a cross between Jabba the Hutt and The Godfather?  That guy.

Well, Darlin’, he rolled the dice and came up about $150 million dollars short.

Plus, he’s had to admit to the Securities and Exchange Commission that his Las Vegas Sands Corporation “likely violated a federal law against bribing foreign officials.”

It seems that Sheldon admits to bribing Chinese government officials to expand his business in China.  The total amount of the bribe?  $700,000.

Now that’s a far cry from the $150,000,000 he used to bribe Republicans to expand his wealth.  Only difference is that that’s perfectly legal in the United States of America.

Is this a great country, or what?

Y’all, this has turned from schadenfreude to one of the pressing mental health issues of our time.

Ann Romney.  Bless.  Her. Heart.

Ann Romney said she blamed the media for unfairly treating her husband. The portrayals of them as rich and out-of-touch kept the public from getting “to know Mitt for who he was.”

While she shed tears after the loss, she said, “I’m mostly over it. But not completely.”

Ann, go play with your car elevator and your couple of Cadillac.  Play the Do-We-Have-A-House-In-Every-State-Yet Game to entertain yourself.

Honey, I hate to be the one who tells you this, but there was no portraying involved.

Ho boy, we missed the whining and grudge-holding bullet, didn’t we?

Thanks to David for the heads up.

A while back, one of our local school board members passed a rule that nobody could criticize any vote or activity of the school board at a school board meeting.  He felt that criticism of the school board members was not respectful.   And Lord knows, what with Texas being next to last in education, respect was due.

I was working for the newspaper back then, where I regularly criticized school board members along with anybody else who forgot the servant part of public servant.   So, I announce in the newspaper that I am going to the school board and call them a bunch of nincompoops, and that I was going to use that exact word to get myself removed from the board meeting and that everybody could come watch.

So, I arrive to a packed room, including the entire Rosenberg Police Department just itching to tote my pattotie outside.  This is a small town and entertainment is scarce.

First they make me fill out a form to get “permission” to speak during the allotted public speaking time.  They want my name – The Queen of Damn England, my address – I’m your freekin’ neighbor, you know where I live, and the topic I wish to address – rampant nincoompoopism right here in River City.

I make a note on the bottom that my permission to speak at a public governmental forum derives from the Constitution of the  United States of Damn America, not a stinkin’ school board secretary.  I also noted that I was here with 4 lawyers, two Houston television stations, the ministerial alliance, and the state recognized running back of the Lamar High School Football Team.  People who recall this story to tell their friends also add that I put Bite Me on the form but I don’t recall that part.  I’m not saying I wouldn’t do that but I just don’t remembered it.

The first order of business at the school board meeting was to rescind that rule.  There was a standing ovation and some very disappointed police officers.

So, for years I’ve been thinking that I’m kinda the queen of messin’ with school boards.

Not so.

Do you remember Carl Paladino was the 2010 Republican candidate for governor of New York with the Tea Party?  Rumor has it that he lost.  Yeah, with 31% of the vote.

On Wednesday, the former candidate found himself being escorted from a school board meeting by security guards after he began ranting about how badly board members had handled a sewage problem at Math Science Technology Prep in Seneca.

So, he announced that he’s running for school board.

I’m willing to bet that he won’t win this either.

Buffalo Teachers Federation President Phil Rumore on Friday said that Paladino was “demented” and didn’t deserve to be on the school board because he had been caught forwarding emails that included bestiality, pornography and racism.

So, there ends my days of messin’ with school boards.  Carl ruined it for us all.

Thanks to Hippie in the Hollar for the heads up.