I know you people from foreign states think I am completely obsessed with the thought that every bad thing that happens – from the financial markets tanking to Sandra Bullock’s really bad botox – on Phil Gramm, a former congressman and senator from the State of Texas.

Phil Gramm - Noted Problem Causer

Come to find out, I am right.  I am dead solid perfect right.

Phil Gramm is not only the cause of sequestration, he invented the term.

Phil Gramm is the Forrest Gump of financial calamity. Time and again, his face appears at key moments in history. Unlike Gump, Gramm is usually planting the seeds of future disaster whenever he pops up.

Former Texas Senator Gramm is best known for his fine work dismantling financial regulations in the 1990s, which helped bring us the financial crisis of the mid-to-late-2000s. But he is also the intellectual father of the latest nightmare deviling the economy: the sequester.

And then after that, he went to work setting up illegal tax havens for rich Americans at UBS.

When I tell you to pay Texans no mind and for God’s sake don’t let them near money, you need to listen to me.  They are financial magicians – they can make money disappear from your pocket.

You know when you find gum on your new shoes and you cannot get that crap off?  That was Phil Gramm’s gum.  I can prove it.

Thanks to Texas Ellen for the heads up.

I’m gonna show you an email I got from GOPUSA.  I sign up for stuff like that because I need the material.

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Republicans  have themselves a very cool business plan.

First they scare the crap outta ya.  Wonkette has another good one this morning about some rightwinger claiming that President Obama wants to start violent race wars.

This email I got claims that President Obama is a scary black man keeping secrets.  Then they try to sell you guns, gold, or grub to get ready for the poop hitting the fan.

It’s a business plan.  It’s snake oil.  They scare people who feel out of control or marginal in society and steal their money for the New Three G’s:  buy gold for when your money has no value, guns to protect your gold, and grub for when the whole place go to crap and you need a stockpile of food.

There is a special place in hell for merchants of fear.

Thank you.  I feel better after that rant.

Here’s how the story goes:

There’s two brothers named Kemel and Mark Cereceda who run a pain clinic in Hialeah, Florida.  They wanted to influence legislation to keep their chiropractic pain relief clinic in the business of  making a boatload of money.

Now in Florida  an individual or company can only donate $500 to each candidate.  So the Cereceda Brothers set up straw men to funnel money into their favorite politicians’ campaigns.   They used family members and employees to unknowingly donate to politicians to the tune of $25,000.

They got the investigation of the illegal campaign donations rolling when a district court judge in Florida used her official court letterhead to get their lapsed chiropractic  license reinstated.  It was discovered that she had accepted money from the Cerecedas and then the investigation of other illegal activity took root.  They were also involved with some hanky-panky with Marco Rubio.

The Cerecedas have now been charge and arrested in Florida for screwing with elections.

A politically active Hialeah pain clinic owner surrendered Friday on allegations that he engineered illegal campaign contributions to candidates across the state.

Investigators believe chiropractor Mark Cereceda — who once lobbied lawmakers to keep intact Florida’s personal injury protection law — made clinic employees donate to candidates, then reimbursed the workers in cash and checks.

Cereceda’s brother, Kemel Cereceda, also was charged with a felony and one misdemeanor relating to illegal contributions. Charges also were brought against Mark Cereceda’s clinic, Florida Wellness & Rehabilitation Center, which specializes in treating traffic accident victims.

Now, if you’re wondering why I’m telling you a big long story about election fraud in Florida when I live in Texas, it’s because I’m fixing to bring this story to Texas.  And it’s in a bag with Rick Perry’s name on it.

Now, I have no idea why this has skipped the investigation but it appears that Rick Perry’s Presidential campaign also benefited from illegal donations from the Cerecedas.

CERECEDA, KEMEL A
CORAL GABLES,FL 33146   DISABLED        9/16/11 $2,500  Perry, Rick (R)

That’s perfectly legal, but what leads me to think that was some cahooting going on is that on that very same day a whole bunch of other folks from Florida also donated to Rick Perry but their occupation and employer information was conveniently omitted.  You know, same people, same crime, same big bucks as in Florida.  Take a look —

RUIZ, JUANA M MS
CORAL GABLES,FL 33134           9/16/11 $2,500
Perry, Rick (R)

ALVAREZ, PEDRO MR
MIAMI,FL 33165          9/16/11 $2,500
Perry, Rick (R)

BELL, RENE MRS
TAMPA,FL 33629          9/16/11 $2,500
Perry, Rick (R)

CALEVOSO, ROSANA MRS
CORAL SPRINGS,FL 33065          9/16/11 $500
Perry, Rick (R

RIUS, ANA MS
MIAMI,FL 33183          9/16/11 $2,500
Perry, Rick (R)

RIUS, RALPH MR
MIAMI,FL 33183          9/16/11 $2,500
Perry, Rick (R)

RUIZ, JUANA M MS
CORAL GABLES,FL 33134           9/16/11 $2,500
Perry, Rick (R)

SCUNZIANO-SING, MARIA MRS
SPRING HILL,FL 34607            9/16/11 $2,500
Perry, Rick (R

If Rick Perry had exercised the due diligence to find these people’s occupations and employers like he was supposed to, he would have found this cahooting.   On the other hand, Rick Perry is awfully dumb.  The only reason he can find his shoes is that there’s only two of them.

One of the many reasons that the FEC asks for the occupation and employer is to keep straw men from making donations.  Shame on Rick Perry.  Thelma says you don’t have to pull a fast one Rick because you can pull a slow one. 

Thanks to Alfredo over the Dairy Queen for the heads up.

We have a tax free weekend on school supplies and clothes to help working families so I guess this is the next logical step.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

Well, they’ve gone and done it now.

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The four-alarm fire that engulfed the DFW Gun Range at 1607 West Mockingbird Lane in Dallas Sunday afternoon was apparently triggered by unauthorized tracer rounds.

Wholly Holy Crap.

Dallas Fire-Rescue spokesman Jason Evans said a shooter at the range admitted firing unauthorized tracer ammunition. The small flare that is part of the round makes it easier to follow the path of the bullet, but the pyrotechnic component apparently triggered the inferno when it hit the target.

But, wait, wait.  Here’s the best part:

Evans said the man who admitted to firing the tracer bullet will not be prosecuted, because it is considered to be an accident and no laws were broken.

Perfectly safe.  Totally safe.  Cost the city a fortune in firefighting and injure one firefighter.  Runoff water from the fire was an environmental concern, and a storm water agency was scheduled to arrive at the scene for testing.

So, next time you wanna have a little fun in Texas, go to a gun range and blow up a cement building.  That’s legal in Texas.  Gay marriage, however, is not.

Thanks to Brian and Letty for the heads up.

Y’all, listen to me.  Michelle Obama is Da Bomb.  I know I’m about about a decade and a half behind cool  with that term, but I am convinced that term was invented 15 years ago to get us ready for her.

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She brings something new to the FirstLadyship.  Fun.  She takes what she does very seriously but she does not take herself seriously.  I thought her Mom Dancing with Jimmy Fallon was the most adorable thing ever. Try to grab a handful of Callista Gingrich doing that.

I saw her last night and she is – indeed – da bomb.  God gave us “da bomb” fifteen years ago because we needed to be ready when Michelle got here.

And one of the fun parts is watching the rightwing heads explode.   They took to Twitter.

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Self-serving?  Yeah, right.  President Obama is running again in four years.  Y’all, lean over here and listen to me, these people are nuts.

Bless their hearts, they are still waiting for Da Bomb when it’s exploding right in their faces.  Michelle Obama is not only Da Bomb, she is Elvis, Grace Kelly, Marie Curie, and Dolly Madison all rolled into one.

Yeah, yeah, I agree about the rest of the Oscars – hours of boring your ta-tas off punctuated by minutes of brilliance.  She was one of them.