Sure.  She’s just your average retired woman. She’s not running for anything.

(Go, Hillary!)

Super DeLux Brand Christian David Barton went on Glen Beck’s radio show and told a story about how school teachers and students used to be armed back in the olden days.

“The great example, in the 1850s you have a school teacher who’s teaching. A guy — he’s out in the West — this guy from New England wants to kill him and find him. So he comes into the school with his gun to shoot the teacher, he decides not to shoot the teacher because all the kids pull their guns out and point it at him and say, ‘You kill the teacher, you die.’ He says, ‘Okay.’ The teacher lives. Real simple stuff. Saved the life of — there was no shooting because all the kids — we’re talking in elementary school — all the kids pull their guns out and says, ‘We like our teacher. You shoot our teacher, we’ll kill you.’”

Well, come to find out, Mr. Barton was cnfused a little bit.  That story comes not from history but from a Louis L’Amour fictional novel, Bendigo Shafter.

I am shocked.  Just shocked, I tell you.

David Barton can read?

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

This is how you know Texas is at home today.  Welcome to Dallas.

The downstairs neighbor (and I use that term in its geographic, not traditional, meaning) shot the upstairs neighbor because they left dogdump outside his door.  So he shoots the woman and then goes upstairs and shoots the man – who is trying to jump off the balcony to escape.  Then he stands over the man and shoots him a couple more times for good measure.  Then he drives off in his Lexus.

Luckily, the one month old baby upstairs in the apartment was unhurt.

There is no word on whether or not the dog was injured.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

Remember when Bobby Jindal said that Republicans should “stop being the stupid party”?

Well, Donald Trump says that’s stupid.  Seriously.

“I thought it was a horrible thing for him to say. Frankly, I thought it was stupid thing for him to say.”

And next thing you know, Trump said this —

The reality star also announced on Monday that he was suing HBO comedian Bill Maher for $5 million dollars over a “bet” on Jay Leno’s show that Trump couldn’t prove that his mother didn’t have sex with an orangutan.”

Oh, sweet juicy irony, come rest upon my tongue.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

So, Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen was strolling through campaign finance reports, which is what he does when he’s not inventing new Blizzard flavors. You’ve always wondered who did that, didn’t ya?  Alfredo.

You wanna hear something scary?  Rick Perry is studying-up to be Dick Cheney.  I would not lie about something this frightening.

Ponder on this: dumb meets mean and you’ve got … well, a dumb mean guy, which we’ve got plenty of in Texas prisons but damn few who wants to be in the White House.

Lookie here.  At the end of last year, a parade of Cheney’s advisers were herded-up by Rick Perry and treated to a free vacation at Rick’s Place.

These are Dick Cheney’s guys – all three of them.  I can almost promise you that Rick Perry wasn’t meeting with a Bush era DOD guy, Bush’s chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and Cheney’s National Security Adviser so they could help Rick Perry formulate the upcoming Texas legislative session on public school finance.

So, here ya go – you can expect a Texas Legislative session heavy on foreign policy because Rick now knows a thing or two about it.  Good for us, it’s just a thing or two because he can’t know three things at once.

And speaking of just plain ole dumb —

Rick Perry is running ads in California urging businesses to relocate to Texas.  I wonder if he knows what businesses there are in California — medical marijuana, surfboard shops, adult bookstores, recycling conglomerates, and Scientologists.  So, that means that you’ve got Austin covered but what about the rest of the state?

And you know who lives in California?  Hippies, that’s what.  And libruls.  Good Lord, they have Governor Moonbeam Jerry Brown there.

Whoa, wait!  I take it all back.  Come on, California! We need your vote.

The Girl Scouts welcome all girls, regardless of the gender preference.  Women are generally more understanding of these things.

Let’s just tell the damn truth:  if lesbianism were a choice, we’d all be lesbians.  That’s how I know that lesbians are born and not made.  I mean, who the hell wants to live with something that gets jock itch or thinks peeing outside is very cool?

Our Governor, Rick Perry, is so upset that the Boy Scouts are even considering excluding gay kids that he’s stomping his little feet.

He also disagreed that allowing members of all sexual preferences would make the Scouts more tolerant: “I think you get tolerance and diversity every day in Scouting.”

And, yes, we teach tolerance by saying, “Look, tolerate gay men all you want but fergodsake do not sit next to them or look at them.”

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again – any man that obsessed with the gays is hiding something.

Thanks to Steve for the heads up.