For those of you who think it’s a bad thing that Texas politicians don’t believe in science or any of that book-learning stuff, I have some real bad news for you.

Texas Governor Rick Perry does not need any book leanin.’  He’s got the only book he needs.  Rick Perry says that Roe v. Wade will be overturned this year because the Bible tells him so.

“When God sent the flood waters, it rained for 40 days and 40 nights. Only Noah and those on his ark survived,” Perry said. “When Jesus entered the desert and was tested by the devil, he fasted for 40 days, and he rejected the devil’s temptations. When the Israelites went out into the wilderness, they wandered lost for 40 years

“Last week, America began its 40th year lost under the rule of Roe versus Wade,” he said. “It’s a tragic time for our nation’s own moral wilderness.”

The number 40 is used a lot in the Bible but that doesn’t mean that 40 is like a Magic 8 ball.  Unless, of course, you’re Rick Perry and slept through math class.

There was a rally on the steps of the Texas Capitol yesterday to insure that Texas women need to stock up on coathangers.  Not surprisingly, the speakers – Rick Perry, Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst, and Attorney General Greg Abbott (all of who are not pro-life for each other ) – were all male.

The Republican leaders reiterated their commitment to building on laws such as those requiring a sonogram before a woman has an abortion and parental consent for a minor to have the procedure, and withholding money from Planned Parenthood clinics.

Which means that they can put limits on my constitutionally guaranteed rights, but their right to kill massive numbers of people with major artillery is sacrosanct.   That probably has something to do with 40, but I haven’t figured that part out yet.

However, there is a pretty big downside to Rick Perry not understanding arithmetic.  We are having to cut classroom teachers in a state that’s already near the bottom of education, but Rick Perry lives like fancy race car driver.

The new figures bring the out-of-state travel tab for Perry’s security detail to more than $2.4 million since his 2010 re-election, with much of that racked up during his unsuccessful presidential bid.

I guess he’s shooting for 40 million.

Okay, so here’s the theory.

The term Beelzebub, which means Satan,  translates from Hebrew into “Lord of the Flies.”

So, since President Obama has had flies around him, the guys over at Free Republic have a theory.

Okay, you’re ahead of me here.

Already, religious and other websites are using the headlines to point out that a biblical reference for Satan, the Semitic deity Beelzebub, literally translates from Hebrew into “Lord of the Flies.”

As Obama nominated two new members of his second administration yesterday, a swarming fly stole the show.

“This guy is bothering me here,” said Obama, who repeatedly swatted at a large black fly buzzing near his face.

Yep, there ya go.  Living proof.  President Obama isn’t a socialist, he’s actually Satan.

And the people at Free Republic are actually insane.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

Just when you thought it could not get crazier than Louie Gohmert, we elect Senator Ted Cruz from Texas.  It’s kinda like pushing the REFRESH button at www.nuthousefollies.us, which is not a real website but is certainly a lost opportunity for some energetic entrepreneur.

Ted Cruz, who never served his country even one day in uniform,  has up and decided that John Kerry and Chuck Hagel are “less than ardent fans of the U.S. military.”

Hagel, a former Republican senator who Obama nominated for secretary of defense, and Kerry, a Democratic senator and nominee for secretary of state, both served in the Vietnam War. Hagel received two Purple Hearts; Kerry received three and a Silver Star and a Bronze Star.

Cruz must really hate the military because he sat on his patootie during the Gulf War when he was eligible to enlist.

And, bless his heart, he never took a history class because his idea of smart is to quote Spiro T. Agnew’s “nattering nabobs” in reference to Ronald Regan’s administration.   Hey, for Cruz, that’s an improvement – he was only off by a couple of decades.

I will promise you that if Ted Cruz and Rand Paul ever serve on a committee together, we will know that the Mayan prophecy was just a few years off.

I think I’ve become a tad too obsessive about my not-a-blog because when I leave for one day, people start emailing me asking if I am okay.

It’s hard for me to post to the blog when I’m on the road because I have to use my phone to do it and holy cow that sucker has tiny little keys.  So, like me on Facebook and I’ll try to let you know what is happenin’.  I don’t know if they have a place where you can not like me on Facebook, but if they do I am certain that the line is much longer there.

I was in Austin today for a meeting of the campaign committee of the State Democratic Executive Committee.  Some damfool – and I have a suspicion of who it is – leaked the plan of Battleground Texas that’s coming next month.  You know it wasn’t me who leaked it because it was leaked to Politico and you guys know how I feel about Politicolonoscopy.

The leak is here.   Next month it will be rolled out in all its glory. Not on Politico.

The good news is that this influx of money into Texas, unlike the last time this happened ten years ago, will not be consultant driven.  It will not end up in the pockets of same-ole, same-ole consultants who pocketed millions of dollars with diddle squat to show for it.  This influx will be used for a ground game.

Chairman Gilberto Hinojosa

In the past, Texas Democrats have not been able to turn out their base because they never knew where the base was.  And even when they accidentally stumbled across it, they had no idea how to get it to vote.

Now we have a new chairman, a new staff, and real, live, actual plans from the newly empowered State Democratic Executive Committee to make those plans happen.  This Party is no longer run by 5 guys in Austin.  This Party is run by the people elected to run it.

A big ole thank you to Chairman Gilberto Hinojosa for trusting in the elected Executive Committee and empowering Texas Democrats to be a part of turning Texas blue.

That’s where I’ve been for two days and I’d just like to add that Texas Republicans can kiss my big blue butt.

Bobby Jindal  and Newt Gingrich, they got some ‘splainin’ to do–

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal called on the Republican Party to “stop being the stupid party” and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich urged it  to be “a happy party” on Thursday as GOP leaders promised fundamental changes to help stave off future losses.

Bwahahahahahah.  Oh wait … they are serious ….  okay, then ….BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

So Bobby Jindal, from the intellectual stronghold of Louisiana, wants the GOP to be smart.  And Newt Gingrich, the man who has inflicted more pain on women than the average mammogram, wants it to be the happy party.

This is not going to be as easy as you’d suspect.  See, it’s dandy hard to be smart or happy when the only word you know is NO.  Maybe their congressional delegation could start voting by saying, “After some pondering, the member happily votes NO.”

You gotta wonder what happy, smart spin they can put on school shootings or that women don’t need equal pay for equal work or  that climate change does not exist and Al Roker is just making this crap up.

Honey, you could lock the GOP in a room with Stephen Hawking and Oprah for a damn month and they would still emerge with a sign that says, “Get off my lawn, you jirk.”

And that’s the damn truth.

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