It seems that the state of Florida wants women to talk dirty to them.  And they’ll pay them to do it.  Ten bucks.  Cash American money.

Florida’s Department of Health is asking for intimate details of the sex lives of 4,100 young women, and offering $10 gift cards in return.

State officials said the unprecedented, $45,000 survey will help them understand women’s need for and approach to family-planning services.

Hundreds of women in South Florida were among the survey recipients, their names pulled from the white pages by a private company, state officials said. They were asked to voluntarily tell the state how many men they’d had sex with in the past year, whether a man had ever poked holes in a condom to get them pregnant, and how they felt emotionally when they last had unprotected sex.

Participants will get a $10 CVS card for use on health-related items.

So, I get a letter in the mail, asking me to answer a questionnaire about my hoochy activities in exchange for $10.  I would immediately call the EPA to ask for an environmental impact statement form to dispose of this sucker because you do not know who the hell has been touching it.

And in the dark recesses of some nondescript government building sits a middle aged bald guy lustfully reading all these forms about women’s sparkin’ activities, hoping like hell that he doesn’t get caught and …. oh dear God, y’all, it turns out that Rick Scott is as creepy as we thought.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

Lucky me.  I’m just three degrees of Allen West.

As you’ve heard, defeated, deranged and debased Florida Congressman Allen West got two votes for Speaker of the House yesterday.  He immediately demanded a recount.  Last I heard he was refusing to admit defeat until John Boehner could prove he was born in America.

Double lucky me, our local Republicans have a Lincoln / Reagan Day Dinner fundraiser every year.  They feature speakers who, in the last couple of years, aren’t even speaking to Lincoln or Reagan.  This year their February 1st fundraiser features Allen West as the speaker.  Rumor has it that they are trying to scrub him since he lost but it’s not like they haven’t had losers speak before.   Hell, I think they even had Glen Beck last year.

And triple lucky me, it was Louie Gohmert whose vote raised West over that one-damn-vote threshold and gave him the two-fingered fame.

I don’t know how I get this lucky.

Thanks to everybody and their Aunt Bess for telling me about Louie’s vote. I giggled when each email came in.  I’ve raised you people right!

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The best part about the rightwing is that they see a conspiracy everywhere.  You know, like the one that placed a fake birth announcement in Hawaiian newspapers so that Barack Obama could become President.

They have a much cooler explanation of why Hillary Clinton was in the hospital.  If I were her, I’d go with their story.

A startling Foreign Military Intelligence (GRU) report circulating in the Kremlin today states that President Obama was informed by White House medical personal shortly after Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s return to the United States that her health prognosis was “grim” as her likelihood of survival was “diminishing by the hour.”

As we had previously reported in our 30 December report, Clinton Injured, US Navy Seal Killed In Secret US Mission To Iran, Secretary Clinton was severely injured over a fortnight ago when her US military C-12 Huron aircraft crash landed at Iran’s Ahwaz International Airport during a US secret mission to that Persian Gulf nation where she was reported to be “unconscious” and “bleeding profusely.”

US mainstream propaganda news sources have, so far, denied the truth of this incident and as late as 28 December were reporting that Secretary Clinton would be returning to work this past week after her having suffered a bout of the flu and a concussion.

Cool, she’s like James Bond.

So, she went from”near death” to this —

And the only reason she’s wearing a coat is because she has to hide the scars.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

Glen beck has decided that any staff member who says the words “Barack Obama” will be immediately fired.

Seriously.

Conservative radio host Glenn Beck returned from his 18-day holiday break on Wednesday with a New Year’s resolution to terminate any of his employees who utter President Barack Obama’s name in 2013.

“This is in effect,” Beck warned his staff. “Anyone who brings him up — unless it’s me — is fired… I can’t take the man’s voice, I don’t want to hear him, I don’t want to know about him. You want that information, go anyplace else. There’s thousands of outlets. You can have all the information you want, I’m not talking about that man.”

But, this does seem to level the fairness doctrine.  I’ll betcha that Barack Obama doesn’t say “Glen Beck” all year either.

Good grief.  So are you trying to tell me that Peter King and Chris Christie are just now noticing that the political party they salute is a bunch of mean, uncaring, callous hacks who would sell their grandma for three minutes of airtime and an hour of power?

Peter King - Got a kink in his thinking mechanism

Did Peter and Chris harbor – and dock – under the misconception that their party defines “conservative” as John Boehner so elegantly put it, “go f*** yourself”?  That’s their Party philosophy in three words.

Peter King says he may join the Democratic Party.  I dunno.  Anybody who is that completely unaware of what their party stands for might not know that we favor the United part of the United States.

I have one thing to say to these guys – Honey, ya lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas.  You boys built this snake and then you want to holler when it bites you.

Thanks to Rick for the heads up.