Y’all, Louie Gohmert is headed for Comedy King status.

He went on the electric radio again.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) argued that House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) was functionally equivalent to Pelosi because both held one-on-one backroom negotiations with the president. Gohmert then went on to deride Pelosi’s appearance: “Well, let’s give him credit. There’s no facelift with John Boehner.”

I wouldn’t be so sure about that, Louie.

Thanks to Brian C and Beth for the heads up.

About 50 people have emailed me to let me know that Tom DeLay is going to prison.  It has apparently spread all over the internet machine.

Well, duh.  That happened two years ago.  I was there.  We even had a party the night before.  I saw that sniveling little man stand before the judge and give unsworn testimony that he was not whining (he had to say that 3 times) but that Nancy Pelosi, Patrick Kennedy and Ronnie Earl made him do this.  The little coward clutched his Bible to his chest but wouldn’t take an oath to tell the truth.

The best I can figure is that somebody at the Huffington Post accidentally re-posted the two year old story and it caught fire.

The case has been on appeal for two years.  Tom DeLay is begging money for his legal defense fund.  The money is being handled by Brent Perry, the son of Bob Perry of Swift Boat Veterans for Truth fame.

Tom’s dancin’ body is puffy now and his home for foster children – built mainly with Bob Perry money to make Tom look good before his trial – was a complete failure and after a year of sitting empty, it has been turned over to another charitable organization.  Tom quit caring about foster children when he didn’t need to hide behind them any more.

I see him around every now and then.  He still ain’t speaking to me.

Louie Gohmert.

Okay, I just say those two words as a warning to remove any sharp objects in your vicinity and deadly credit cards.

It’s hammers, y’all.

Appearing on the Dennis Miller Show, Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) told guest host Larry O’Connor that he “refuse[s] to play the game of ‘assault weapon.’ That’s any weapon,” said the Texas congressman. “It’s a hammer. It’s the machetes.”

That’s just the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

Dennis Miller has a show.

I’m shocked, shocked I tell you.

Oh yeah, back to Louie.

I refuse to play the game of “assault weapon.” That’s any weapon. It’s a hammer. It’s the machetes. In Rwanda that killed 800,000 people, an article that came out this week, the massive number that are killed with hammers.

Yeah, it’s them hammers 10 feet away with a 30-hit clip that’ll get ya.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

Here’s how one Texan expresses his feelings over the Dallas Cowboy’s lousy season.

As a reaction to the Cowboys’ disappointing season, one Dallas fan decided to “Get the %^#* off my Romo jersey” by sticking it in a washing machine filled with explosives, then firing a rifle at it. (It took him a few shots to hit the target.)

Yep.  And you can see it happen right here.

Stolen with no excuse and even less regret from Harold Cook.

It seems that the state of Florida wants women to talk dirty to them.  And they’ll pay them to do it.  Ten bucks.  Cash American money.

Florida’s Department of Health is asking for intimate details of the sex lives of 4,100 young women, and offering $10 gift cards in return.

State officials said the unprecedented, $45,000 survey will help them understand women’s need for and approach to family-planning services.

Hundreds of women in South Florida were among the survey recipients, their names pulled from the white pages by a private company, state officials said. They were asked to voluntarily tell the state how many men they’d had sex with in the past year, whether a man had ever poked holes in a condom to get them pregnant, and how they felt emotionally when they last had unprotected sex.

Participants will get a $10 CVS card for use on health-related items.

So, I get a letter in the mail, asking me to answer a questionnaire about my hoochy activities in exchange for $10.  I would immediately call the EPA to ask for an environmental impact statement form to dispose of this sucker because you do not know who the hell has been touching it.

And in the dark recesses of some nondescript government building sits a middle aged bald guy lustfully reading all these forms about women’s sparkin’ activities, hoping like hell that he doesn’t get caught and …. oh dear God, y’all, it turns out that Rick Scott is as creepy as we thought.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

Lucky me.  I’m just three degrees of Allen West.

As you’ve heard, defeated, deranged and debased Florida Congressman Allen West got two votes for Speaker of the House yesterday.  He immediately demanded a recount.  Last I heard he was refusing to admit defeat until John Boehner could prove he was born in America.

Double lucky me, our local Republicans have a Lincoln / Reagan Day Dinner fundraiser every year.  They feature speakers who, in the last couple of years, aren’t even speaking to Lincoln or Reagan.  This year their February 1st fundraiser features Allen West as the speaker.  Rumor has it that they are trying to scrub him since he lost but it’s not like they haven’t had losers speak before.   Hell, I think they even had Glen Beck last year.

And triple lucky me, it was Louie Gohmert whose vote raised West over that one-damn-vote threshold and gave him the two-fingered fame.

I don’t know how I get this lucky.

Thanks to everybody and their Aunt Bess for telling me about Louie’s vote. I giggled when each email came in.  I’ve raised you people right!