The first step to becoming a Republican is to have a humorectomy.

Do you know any funny Republicans?  You do not.

So, it comes as no surprise that everybody’s favorite Twinkie and Ding Dong replacement, Todd Akin, did not get Jamie Foxx’s joke at the 2012 Soul Train Awards, which, and I’m only guessing here, Akin did not personally attend.

Foxx joked that President Barack Obama was “our Lord and savior.”  Again I am only guessing here, but I don’t think that by the use of the word “our” that Foxx meant Todd Akin.

But Akin felt legitimately raped by that comment and sent out this email.

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. I saw this article and wanted to pass it along, because it is frankly quite appalling.

Our Christian values are being mocked openly by Hollywood elite, the media, and the professional left. This past weekend, a performer on a nationally televised broadcast referred to President Obama as “Our Lord and Savior.”

Article after article has been written about a no-name filmmaker who produced a short video mocking Islam.

How much do you think will be written about an Oscar winning Hollywood star mocking Christianity.

Friends, I may have lost the Senate race, but I do not plan to stop speaking out about the problems facing our country, and I encourage you to do so as well!

Thanks for all you do, in particular your recent help in getting our last few remaining campaign bills paid promptly. We’re making great progress on that front, but could still use your help if you can donate $10 today! We want to make sure our vendors, who sacrificed a lot for this campaign, are paid as quickly as possible.

Sincerely,

Todd

P.S. – Don’t forget to chip in $10 to get our last few bills settled! I want to continue the fight for a better America alongside you.

I hope you have “the biological ability to ward off” puking.

Poor guy, went through a whole election, got beat so bad that his grandchildren will be born shaking, and he didn’t learn diddle squat.

Thanks to Deb for the heads up.

Whaddya think?

Would this do it?

For over a decade I have stomped and hollered about a giant taxpayer scam right here in my own county.

It started with something called the Economic Development Council (EDC), which was a “public-private” partnership.  That means they got tax dollars but did not have to account to the taxpayers who footed their bills.

The King Scammer

Some failed businessmen put this deal together.  The first step was to get their buddies elected to Commissioners Court, the body in Texas that determines where all county money is spent and is the single most corrupted political body on earth.  Then they got their buddies on commissioner’s court to give them money for the purported purpose of attacking businesses to the fastest growing county in the United States.  You know, like businesses wouldn’t naturally come where the people are.

The businesses were then given tax abatements to bring their minimum wage, part time jobs to the county.  But to get their abatement, they had to “join” the Economic Development Council to the tune of $10,000 and it was also “expected” that they make large donations to the political funds of the county commissioners who granted the abatement.  The commissioners are then free to spend that money on whatever they want to – pick-up trucks, travel, new wardrobes, dinners out, football tickets …

Meanwhile, taxpayers are pouring money into the Economic Development Council for them to take “recruiting trips” to California coastal cities, Miami Beach, Hong Kong, and even freekin’ Paris, France.

More than once they were scammed.  People claimed to be representing big spending businessmen in Hong Kong just to get wined, dined, and taken to sky boxes at the baseball or football stadium.  It’s always fun to watch scammers get scammed.

Now the reason I’m telling you this story is that some fat cat good-ole-boys got to live the high life they were incapable of earning on their own by scamming taxpayers.  And, Ho Boy!, when Rick Perry found out about this, he thought he’d died and went to that great money machine in the sky.

Let’s face it, Rick Perry has never had a real job in his life and he didn’t inherit money.  Yet, magically, he’s a millionaire.

Under Mr. Perry, Texas gives out more of the incentives than any other state, around $19 billion a year, an examination by The New York Times has found. Texas justifies its largess by pointing out that it is home to half of all the private sector jobs created over the last decade nationwide. As the invitation to the fund-raiser boasted: “Texas leads the nation in job creation.”

Yet the raw numbers mask a more complicated reality behind the flood of incentives, the examination shows, and raise questions about who benefits more, the businesses or the people of Texas.

Along with the huge job growth, the state has the third-highest proportion of hourly jobs paying at or below minimum wage. And despite its low level of unemployment, Texas has the 11th-highest poverty rate among states.

And the same deal has emerged in Texas.  Good-ole-boys put together deals to get tax abatements for companies, who then relocated to Texas.  The good-ole-boys then make major donations to Rick Perry, one even chipped in $250,000 to Perry’s Presidential bid, and $4 million overall to Texas state officials.

It’s legitimized kickbacks.

It’s smoke and mirrors and if you have the time to read the complete story, you’ll see why Texas is great for business, bad for taxpayers, and even worse for children.

Thanks to Bud for the heads up.

I suspect there’s been a Jewish and Muslim rush on Christmas trees to buy them all up before Christians get hold of them.

Now, I don’t know the rules for proving you are a Christian.  It must involve some some of mark on your body or something because simply saying you’re a Christian and professing your faith is apparently not enough.  Just ask Barack Obama.

Thanks to Nancy for the heads up.