Want to follow the Texas Lege – the largest collection of crazy people outside of Arizona?

The Texas Tribune has made it fun and colorful to do just that.

I’d bookmark it if I were you because it’s damn cheap entertainment.

Rick Perry has done jumped the shark over his interest in my body’s best parts.

So the Texas Lege starts its once every two years meeting in January and Rick has started making his list and checking it twice over what he considers emergency legislation.

In foreign states emergency legislation is generally reserved for … well, emergencies.  You know, like a tornado hit a town and they need emergency funds to dig out the tourist attractions.  Or they’re going to war against Arizona because Arizona is just asking for it.

Not so in Texas.  In Texas, emergency legislation is whatever Rick Perry thinks will get him elected President once the public forgets he can’t count to three.

And you know, of course, that has to do with the famed uterus.  It’s called the Fetal Pain bill.

“Fetal pain” is the newest frontier in the anti-abortion movement; similar bills have already been passed in Nebraska, Alabama, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Oklahoma, Georgia, Arizona and Louisiana. That’s despite the fact that there’s no conclusive evidence to suggest that fetuses actually feel pain . To make its case, Americans United for Life usually cites this study from 1987 while ignoring several more recent, less sketchy studies that debunk it. (You can find a few of those studies here, here and here.) The science suggests that fetuses feel pain at 29 to 35 weeks at the absolute earliest.

But, this is not about science.  This is about the Presidency of the United Damn States of America.  You know, because living in a bubble of self-loathing and irresponsible women worked so well for Mitt Romney.  Rick Perry thinks the only reason Mitt lost is that he didn’t have great hair or a haughty-as-all-get-out wife.  Okay, maybe not the wife thing but surely the hair thing.

So, off we go to the Presidential races again.

A pretty clever and enterprising person has come up with something you need to put on your Christmas list.  I’m wearing mine to the State Lege and sitting in the balcony every chance I get.

You can even get it in different colors but I’d stick with white because that’s the only color that Rick is comfortable with.

You’re not going to believe me so I’ll just quote.

Cathie Adams, former Texas GOP chair and current Texas Eagle Forum president, gave a pre-election address earlier this year, claiming that a “Marxist” President Barack Obama had “fried his brain on drugs.”

Fried Cathie

Cathie also thinks that Barack Obama is a Marxist and green.  I have no idea what she means by green but probably like, you know, Kermit, I guess.

Cathie is also one mean nest of fire ants.  She gets to talking and her tongue starts saying all manner of idiotspeak.

During her speech, Adams also criticized a “narcissistic” Obama, saying the look he gave to then-GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney during one of the debates had made her so mad that she “wanted to go up and just smack his face.”

I dare ya.  I double dog dare ya, woman.

You know, I don’t recall Barack Obama having a telepromter during the debates.  After the first debate, his brain appeared to work fairly well.

I can’t be sure about this but I think that must have been Cathie’s Christian speech.  She talks much trashier in private.

Thanks to Bob, Brian, Kathleen and Steve for the heads up.

Your newspaper doesn’t get it ….

Click the little one to get the big one.

Okay, so the nuts are everywhere.  We might as well get used to it.

Vermont Rep. Fred Maslack is proposing that the state not only register non-gun owners but also charge them for not having a gun. Under Maslack’s proposal Vermont would become the first state to require a permit for the luxury of traipsing about unarmed and assess a fee of $500 for the privilege of not owning a gun.

Seriously?  You’re gonna make my 85 year old Momma tote a pistol?  Momma can’t hit the side of a barn – when she’s inside the barn.  You want my Crazy Uncle Frank to carry a gun?  Uncle Frank is on the AA Hall of Fame for Wagon Fallin’ Off.  You want me carrying a gun?  I guess I ought to let you know that I don’t like you much.

Now, here’s the fun part.  The guy introducing this bill is a way overboard rightwinger and argues …

I mean, there is no reason why gun owners should have to pay taxes to support police protection for people who choose not to protect themselves. Why not let them contribute their fair share and pay their own way. Isn’t that reasonable? Non-gun owners require more police to protect them and this fee should go to paying for their defense.

Okay, so we’re going to do away with the police and just let everybody shoot each other?  Well, that’ll work – just look at Somalia.

So, if we don’t have police, we don’t need judges and courthouses and District Attorneys and jails and crap.  This is a real money saver and a boon for the funeral industry.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

Every time I hear Antonin Scalia talk, all I can think is “that’s not talking, that’s just word spittin’.”

Well, he’s done it again.

Speaking at Princeton University, Scalia was asked by a gay student why he equates laws banning sodomy with those barring bestiality and murder.

“I don’t think it’s necessary, but I think it’s effective,” Scalia said, adding that legislative bodies can ban what they believe to be immoral.

So inducing unnecessary fear is the moral thing to do?

Nobody, and I mean nobody, can be as homophobic as Scalia without getting a little too excited when Ricky Martin starts a new tour.

You know, this banning of morality has always worked really well.  From 1919 until 1933, nobody drank alcohol.  Nobody.  And it worked so well that Baptist are still trying to repeal the 21st amendment.  And, of course, there is no illegal prostitution and we are winning the War on Drugs.

Scalia, who will never hurt his neck toting around his brain, fails to see the difference in murder and bestiality having a victim but homosexuality does not.

Number One way to know you might be gay:  You show up in Antonin Scalia’s dreams.