Rick Perry has done jumped the shark over his interest in my body’s best parts.

So the Texas Lege starts its once every two years meeting in January and Rick has started making his list and checking it twice over what he considers emergency legislation.

In foreign states emergency legislation is generally reserved for … well, emergencies.  You know, like a tornado hit a town and they need emergency funds to dig out the tourist attractions.  Or they’re going to war against Arizona because Arizona is just asking for it.

Not so in Texas.  In Texas, emergency legislation is whatever Rick Perry thinks will get him elected President once the public forgets he can’t count to three.

And you know, of course, that has to do with the famed uterus.  It’s called the Fetal Pain bill.

“Fetal pain” is the newest frontier in the anti-abortion movement; similar bills have already been passed in Nebraska, Alabama, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Oklahoma, Georgia, Arizona and Louisiana. That’s despite the fact that there’s no conclusive evidence to suggest that fetuses actually feel pain . To make its case, Americans United for Life usually cites this study from 1987 while ignoring several more recent, less sketchy studies that debunk it. (You can find a few of those studies here, here and here.) The science suggests that fetuses feel pain at 29 to 35 weeks at the absolute earliest.

But, this is not about science.  This is about the Presidency of the United Damn States of America.  You know, because living in a bubble of self-loathing and irresponsible women worked so well for Mitt Romney.  Rick Perry thinks the only reason Mitt lost is that he didn’t have great hair or a haughty-as-all-get-out wife.  Okay, maybe not the wife thing but surely the hair thing.

So, off we go to the Presidential races again.

A pretty clever and enterprising person has come up with something you need to put on your Christmas list.  I’m wearing mine to the State Lege and sitting in the balcony every chance I get.

You can even get it in different colors but I’d stick with white because that’s the only color that Rick is comfortable with.

You’re not going to believe me so I’ll just quote.

Cathie Adams, former Texas GOP chair and current Texas Eagle Forum president, gave a pre-election address earlier this year, claiming that a “Marxist” President Barack Obama had “fried his brain on drugs.”

Fried Cathie

Cathie also thinks that Barack Obama is a Marxist and green.  I have no idea what she means by green but probably like, you know, Kermit, I guess.

Cathie is also one mean nest of fire ants.  She gets to talking and her tongue starts saying all manner of idiotspeak.

During her speech, Adams also criticized a “narcissistic” Obama, saying the look he gave to then-GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney during one of the debates had made her so mad that she “wanted to go up and just smack his face.”

I dare ya.  I double dog dare ya, woman.

You know, I don’t recall Barack Obama having a telepromter during the debates.  After the first debate, his brain appeared to work fairly well.

I can’t be sure about this but I think that must have been Cathie’s Christian speech.  She talks much trashier in private.

Thanks to Bob, Brian, Kathleen and Steve for the heads up.

Your newspaper doesn’t get it ….

Click the little one to get the big one.

Okay, so the nuts are everywhere.  We might as well get used to it.

Vermont Rep. Fred Maslack is proposing that the state not only register non-gun owners but also charge them for not having a gun. Under Maslack’s proposal Vermont would become the first state to require a permit for the luxury of traipsing about unarmed and assess a fee of $500 for the privilege of not owning a gun.

Seriously?  You’re gonna make my 85 year old Momma tote a pistol?  Momma can’t hit the side of a barn – when she’s inside the barn.  You want my Crazy Uncle Frank to carry a gun?  Uncle Frank is on the AA Hall of Fame for Wagon Fallin’ Off.  You want me carrying a gun?  I guess I ought to let you know that I don’t like you much.

Now, here’s the fun part.  The guy introducing this bill is a way overboard rightwinger and argues …

I mean, there is no reason why gun owners should have to pay taxes to support police protection for people who choose not to protect themselves. Why not let them contribute their fair share and pay their own way. Isn’t that reasonable? Non-gun owners require more police to protect them and this fee should go to paying for their defense.

Okay, so we’re going to do away with the police and just let everybody shoot each other?  Well, that’ll work – just look at Somalia.

So, if we don’t have police, we don’t need judges and courthouses and District Attorneys and jails and crap.  This is a real money saver and a boon for the funeral industry.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

Every time I hear Antonin Scalia talk, all I can think is “that’s not talking, that’s just word spittin’.”

Well, he’s done it again.

Speaking at Princeton University, Scalia was asked by a gay student why he equates laws banning sodomy with those barring bestiality and murder.

“I don’t think it’s necessary, but I think it’s effective,” Scalia said, adding that legislative bodies can ban what they believe to be immoral.

So inducing unnecessary fear is the moral thing to do?

Nobody, and I mean nobody, can be as homophobic as Scalia without getting a little too excited when Ricky Martin starts a new tour.

You know, this banning of morality has always worked really well.  From 1919 until 1933, nobody drank alcohol.  Nobody.  And it worked so well that Baptist are still trying to repeal the 21st amendment.  And, of course, there is no illegal prostitution and we are winning the War on Drugs.

Scalia, who will never hurt his neck toting around his brain, fails to see the difference in murder and bestiality having a victim but homosexuality does not.

Number One way to know you might be gay:  You show up in Antonin Scalia’s dreams.

Customer Deb T. says the best 2 minutes ever to happen in the United States Senate is on You Tube.

She offers an explanation and I can’t do it any better:

Dear Juanita,

Well, that’s a new one, on Thursday,  Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell went from the sublime to the ridiculous when he filibustered his own bill. No, really, I did not make that up he actually did that, filibustered his o-w-n bill.

Now why on earth, you might legitimately ask, would he do such a thing? Well it seems that McConnell was actually trying to embarrass the Senate Democrats, it is just that it kinda backfired. It seems that the Senate’s nastier version of Yertle the Turtle proposed a vote on legislation that would increase the national debt ceiling. Senate majority leader Harry Reid called his bluff and agreed to move forward with the offer. Reid said, Ok, you want a straight up or down vote – you got it. Leaving Yertle, I mean Mitch, twisting in the proverbial wind.  McConnell then objected, arguing that sixty votes — the number required to end a filibuster and go to a vote — were necessary.  Thus invoking a filibuster.

So what we have in effect is a minority leader who has introduced a bill and asked for a vote, and who then opposes proceeding to a vote on his bill saying his bill should be subjected to the filibuster breaking vote threshold of 60 votes.

If that did not make sense to you, don’t worry that is because, it didn’t make sense, at least it anywhere else but Washington.

I think my favorite part about the entire fiasco occurred when the presiding officer (aka  the Senate Traffic Cop), played that evening by Missouri’s own Sen. Claire McCaskill (who, not that she needed to, totally justified my vote for her in the last election with this one act), actually commented on what happened instead of simply issuing the normal traffic directions that the presiding officer is limited to.

McCaskill’s reaction to the exchange between McConnell and Reid? She snapped to attention did a double take and said, “Got whiplash.”

Me too Claire, me too.

Thanks to Deb T. for kicking us off this morning.