I have an   important announcement for folks from Louisiana, Oklahoma, and New Mexico.

We need you not to be sending germs into Texas.  Our Governor’s new health plan is:  don’t get sick.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry officially notified the federal government on Thursday that the state will not set up an exchange to help people buy health insurance.

Texas has the largest proportion of citizens in the nation without health care at about 25 percent, or 6.2 million people. Democrats in the Texas Legislature have urged the Republican majority to reconsider their opposition in order to get more Texans insured.

So, bankruptcy lawyers, morticians, and greeting card makers (“Sorry you’re sick and can’t afford a doctor”) are the big winner here in Texas.

Losers?  Texans.

Thanks to Frank for the heads up.

Remember the War on Gays where Chick-fil-A surrendered after making homophobes stand in line to buy their crappy sandwiches?

Well, now they’ve declared War on Christmas.

In their horrific assault on Christmas, the company released a statement celebrating the “holiday season” that doesn’t once include the word “Christmas” and also pushed out a press release about “holiday gift giving,” again failing to mention “Christmas.”

Really, now?  Learned your lesson, did ya?

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

What the hell is America coming to?

Derrick Belcher,  a 45 year old man who lives in Alabama, knows what America is coming to – a hunk of pure-dee dog crap, that’s what America is coming to.

Derrick started the secessionist movement in Alabama because goldarn govmint is ruining his life with taxes and socialism and whatnot.

Derrick is a realistic man.  He doesn’t think that just Alabama seceding will work too good.  However …

“I don’t think any one state can stand alone. But if we’ve got 20 of them, then that starts to be something ,” Belcher said. “If you look at a map of the red states, we have all of the oil and we produce all of the food. We’re the ones that are carrying the rest of the nation.”

Yep, that worked out real well during that Civil War thing.

But mainly Derrick hates all that government regulation stuff.

Belcher blamed the government for shutting down his former business. Belcher said his Euro Details car wash, which featured topless women, was successful for a decade on Halls Mill Road in Mobile. But he said he was arrested and charged with obscenity by city officials in 2001.

“The government ripped my business away, and now they’re choking America to death with rules and regulations,” he said.

I have something I want to say to Derrick.  Derrick, you got to look at hills, and maybe even mountains, of ta-tas for ten years over there on Halls Mill Road in Mobile Aladamnbama.  Looking at your picture, that’s waaaaay more ta-tas that you could have seen on your own.  Take your memories and shut the hell up.

I doubt Derrick will take my advice because he seems damned and determined to make a fool of himself.

“I’ve never taken a dime from the government. I’ll starve before I take a handout. That’s what being a true American is all about.”

Irony alert:  Derrick is a truck driver, who apparently thinks libertarian elves build roads when no one is looking.

And ….

He said the petition got a jump start at a gun and knife show held at the Greater Gulf State Fairgrounds last weekend.

Why am I not surprised?

Thanks to Kary for the heads up.

The GOP Party Chairman in Maine is concerned about rural black people, who like zombies come “mysteriously” to vote in urban areas and then multiply magically after the election.

Cool trick, huh?

Charlie Webster: Black Person Expert

Charlie Webster, the outgoing Maine Republican chairman, claimed Wednesday in an interview that “hundreds” of black voters cast ballots in rural Maine towns, contributing to the party’s losses.

“In some parts of rural Maine, there were dozens, dozens of black people who came in and voted on Election Day,” he said in an interview with WSCH TV. “Everybody has the right to vote, but nobody in town knows anybody that’s black — how did that happen? I don’t know. We’re going to find out.”

Everybody knows that black people only live in the projects in urban areas.  There’s some sort of prohibition against them living in rural areas, you know, unless they have 40 acres and a mule.  I suspect these so-called voters did not arrive on a mule.

Plus, they creepily multiplied from dozens to hundreds …

Webster stood by the claim in an interview with the Portland Press Herald. “I’m not talking about 15 or 20. I’m talking hundreds,” he said. “I’m not politically correct and maybe I shouldn’t have said these voters were black, but anyone who suggests I have a bias toward any race or group, frankly, that’s sleazy.”

And nobody would know sleazy better than Charlie Webster.

I think Maine should keep a list somewhere of all the people of color in the state along with the name of a white person who can vouch for them and their whereabouts at all times.

That would keep Mr. Webster happy.

By the way, Thelma says that if Republicans keep poking us with a stick, we’re going to put Aretha Franklin on Mount Rushmore.  Just because we can.

Thank Sweet Jesus that it wasn’t Texas.

President Obama is using a Cold War-era mind-control technique known as “Delphi” to coerce Americans into accepting his plan for a United Nations-run communist dictatorship in which suburbanites will be forcibly relocated to cities. That’s according to a four-hour briefing delivered to Republican state senators at the Georgia state Capitol last month.

What until Mississippi finds out it wasn’t invited to the screening.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.

Yes.