Do you know who is creepier than Dick Cheney?

Liz Cheney.

She went on teevee yesterday to claim that President Barack Obama’s foreign policy has been a failure.  He has abandoned Czechoslovakia, dammit.  So, add another item to the List of Things That Liz Cheney Does Not Know.

The dissolution of Czechoslovakia, which took effect on 1 January 1993, was an event that saw the self-determined separation of the federal state of Czechoslovakia.

Which kinda explains why Bill Clinton ignored them, too.

But, hell, maybe we could add that as a another reason why Dick Cheney went to war in the wrong damn country.

Thanks to David for the heads up.

It is difficult to insult women, people with disabilities, God, and my intelligence all in one sentence, but if it can be done, you know that it’s going to be a Republican who can do it.

His name is Bob Marshall and he’s a Republican delegate from Virginia.

“The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion with handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the first born of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children,” while speaking at a press conference about cutting funding for Planned Parenthood.

Okay, now I want you to read that sentence again and keep it tucked in your head because the next day, he sobered up and said this:

Babblin' Bob

A story by Capital News Service regarding my remarks at a recent press conference opposing taxpayer funding for Planned Parenthood conveyed the impression that I believe disabled children are a punishment for prior abortions.

No one who knows me or my record would imagine that I believe or intended to communicate such an offensive notion. I have devoted a generation of work to defending disabled and unwanted children, and have always maintained that they are special blessings to their parents.

So, what’s the deal, Bob?  You were speaking in tongues the day before because, Dude, that’s exactly what you said.

I’m laughing, but the last I heard, God is royally pissed off and she’s not speaking to you.

Thanks to Stephen for the heads up.

Thanks to ProPublica for the heads up.

Most of ya’ll remember Charles from the T-post and cow story back more than 2 years ago.  If you weren’t here then, go back and read it because this story will be better if you know Charles.

It’s sign-putting-out time again and Charles is pitchin’ in to help.  This time he didn’t have any cow trouble but he did have grumpy ole sumbitch trouble.

Yesterday, Charles got permission from a guy who owns a house on a busy street in town to put 4 by 8 foot signs in the front yard.  The man, Mr. Mata, recently moved out of the house and is fixing it up to rent it out and being a good Democrat, he figured that was a great thing – having Democratic signs on a busy street.

So, Charles borrows Marsha’s truck (Marsha is the retired parole officer who tends to Truman and the house when I’m outta town) and hauls over about 4 of our local candidate signs and spends the better part of an hour putting them in Mr. Mata’s yard.

This morning, they were gone.  As in got raptured gone.  Not a trace.

Charles looks around and sees if he can find evidence that they left a suicide note.  Not a damn thing.  Just gone.

Charles stands there for minute trying to decide if he should be angry or confused.  Just as he’s settling on confused – Charles is a Christian man so angry doesn’t fit snugly on him – he looks up and sees the signs about two houses down in the driveway.  Charles ambles down to the house and knocks on the door, where he comes nose to screen door with what he describes to me as a 70 year old white guy with a pony tail.

Charles introduces himself and begins to explain that those are his signs and he wants them back.  People in politics know that those signs are expensive.

The Grumpy Ole Sumbitch says he took those signs down and intends on keeping them down.  Charles wonders if a mental health professional might need to be called.

Charles tells him that’s not possible because they aren’t his signs and that’s not his yard they were in.

The Grumpy Ole Sumbitch says, “I’m a Republican and I don’t want to look at those signs so I took them down.”  Now Charles knows for a fact that a mental health professional needs to be called because why the hell is a 70 year old man with a ponytail a Republican?

Charles says, “Well, I’m taking my signs and putting them back up, and you can quit looking at them.”

The Grumpy Ole Sumbitch growls a little at Charles but sees that Charles, although soft spoken, is carrying a t-post pounder, which is a big ole heavy piece of metal with handles on each side that you use to pound t-posts into the ground.

Charles gets a little scared by the growling so once he gets the signs back, he heads over to Bubba’s office which is about three blocks away.  Bubba ain’t a soft spoken man so proceeds to go with Charles back to the Grumpy Ole Sumbitch’s house to tell him how the cow ate the cabbage.  Grumpy Ole Sumbitch won’t come to the door with Bubba, Attorney at Law, standing on his porch hollering to get his thieving butt out here right now.

So, Bubba and Charles go back to Bubba’s office where Bubba’s lovely secretary types out a letter saying, “You have been warned, you Grumpy Ole Sumbitch.  Keep your Grumpy Ole Sumbitch hands off our signs.  We know the phone number of the police and know how to dial it.”

Charles takes the letter back and puts it on his door.  Bubba mails a certified copy to the Gumpy Ole Sumbitch.  By now Bubba has his name and date of birth because Bubba is good at this lawyer stuff.

Charles puts the signs back in Mr. Mata’s yard and Christianly overcomes the natural urge to moon the Gumpy Ole Sumbitch watching out the window.

About twenty minutes ago, Bubba gets a call from Grumpy Ole Sumbitch saying that the signs were on his property when he took them down.  Bubba says, “That’s a lie because I took Mrs. Bubba up to see them last night and she was proud of how nice they looked on the busy road.  She even took a picture.”  (I told you he’s good at this lawyer stuff.)

So, Grumpy Ole Sumbitch, knowing he’s been caught stealing, lying, and practicing Republicanism, says, “Well, keep your darkie off my property.”

It takes Bubba a few ticks of the clock to figure out what he means by “darkie.”  At first, Bubba thought maybe that was a body part, as in, Keep your butt off my property.

Charles is African American.

You know the glue that holds Bubba together?  It melted.  It took a five buggy afternoon prayer meeting to keep Bubba from going over there and calling Grumpy ole Sumbitch out of his house to see which one one them bruises the easiest.

Bubba is calmed down some now but you can bet your patoot that a dozen more signs are going in that yard. And the biggest damn Obama sign in all of damn Texas is going there as soon as Bubba can get one, dammit.

Bubba’s also very good at settlin’ a score.

I’d pay cash American money for it.

Former Republican presidential candidate Michelle Bachmann on Friday asserted that the recent attacks on American embassies in Libya and Egypt were part of a plan to bring Sharia law to the United States.

“And what we’re watching develop before our eyes today are the direct consequences of this administration’s policy of apology and appeasement across the globe and the supposed success of the president’s foreign policy genius — hailed by the media, even last week — is now exposed for what it is.”

Bachmann went on to explain President Barack Obama’s “relationship” with the Organization for Islamic Cooperation, which she claimed had a 10-year plan “to implement its Sharia-based speech code requirements worldwide.”

Michelle Bachmann, September 14, 2012

Oh dear Lord, she’s laced up her loafers and slipped on her bra.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

I am not a rich woman.  Sadly, up until 15 minutes ago, I thought I was.  I have a roof over my head, a pantry full of food, the cutest little dog ever, a car that runs, air conditioning, a good set of pearls and so much crap that I have to pay a woman to come to my house and clean my crap every two weeks.

But, Mitt Romney just pulled the middle class floor out from under my feet and made me poor.

Here ya go.  When trying to explain his tax plan, Mitt yabbered —-

GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: Is $100,000 middle income?

MITT ROMNEY: No, middle income is $200,000 to $250,000 and less. So number one, don’t reduce– or excuse me, don’t raise taxes on middle-income people, lower them. Number two, don’t reduce the share of taxes paid by the wealthiest. The top 5% will still pay the same share of taxes they pay today. That’s principle one, principle two. Principle three is create incentives for growth, make it easier for businesses to start and to add jobs. And finally, simplify the code, make it easier for people to pay their taxes than the way they have to now.

Does this guy have any idea what a school teacher makes?  A police officer?  A car salesman?

So the way I understand this is that Mitt won’t raise your taxes if you make over $200,000 a year.  If you make less than that, you are so screwed.  That way he can say he gave a tax break to the middle class – yeah, the part of the middle class that makes $200,000 a year.  Honey, if you make over $200,000 and you’re in the middle class, you need to get a new accountant or quit wasting all your money on Beanie Babies and the Home Shopping Network.

Do y’all remember Bill Clinton’s speech about arithmetic at the Democratic National Convention?  Mitt didn’t hear that speech.

Thanks to Robert for the first heads up.