Rick Santorum, yeah, yeah, I thought he’d gone away, too, has made a pronouncement that the use of the perfectly good word “y’all” is Barack Obama’s attempt to divide America.

He’s right, y’all.  It’s meant to divide the good folks from the crap folks.

It’s Biblical.

Matthew 25:31-33

³¹ When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory:

³² And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats:

³³ And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left.

Yep, the sheeple are on the right. You knew that all along – you just didn’t know it was a sign of the end times.

He ain't like y'all.

Santorum also claims the use of “y’all” is  “class warfare.”  Good Heavens, people in Pennsylvania are real touchy, aren’t they?  They do know that the rest of America calls them “idiots” instead of “y’all,” right?

Dude, I do not know, nor do I care to know, what people in Pennsylvania call a large crowd of people to get them to come gather for the annual Thanksgiving picture, but I’ll bet you a pair of pink boots that it takes more time and energy than hollering “Come on, y’all.”

Rick, you’re messing with our religion, you’re messing with our bodies, you’re messing with our reproductive rights, you’re messing with our constitution, you’re messing with health care, you’re messing with our education, you’re messing with our family structure and the last damn thing you hadn’t mess with was our language.  So, you fix that.  Next time, you’ll want to decry our cooking.

And that’s liable to get me mad, y’all.

Thanks to Norma for the heads up.

Well, they went to Holy Land, got drunk and buck nakkid and went swimming in the sea where Sweet Jesus walked on water.

What is it the Republicans say?  Kiss my ass, this is a holy site.

Please meet your Republican Congress.

Yoder: Invisible drunk

The FBI probed a late-night swim in the Sea of Galilee that involved drinking, numerous GOP freshmen lawmakers, top leadership staff – and one nude member of Congress, according to more than a dozen sources, including eyewitnesses.

During a fact-finding congressional trip to the Holy Land last summer, Rep. Kevin Yoder (R-Kan.) took off his clothes and jumped into the sea, joining a number of members, their families and GOP staff during a night out in Israel, the sources told POLITICO. Other participants, including the daughter of another congressman, swam fully clothed while some lawmakers partially disrobed. More than 20 people took part in the late-night dip in the sea, according to sources who took part in the trip.

Now, I don’t want you to be too hard on Kevin Yoder.  He was invisible drunk and thought the only way he could be seen was because of his clothes.

And, as a good Christian, he was not skinny dipping in a Holy Sea, he was trying to walk on water.  Imagine his shock when his clothes were lifted from his body by Holy doves and he sank like an anvil in a stock tank.

Not wanting him to feel sad on doing a Titanic imitation, other Republicans helped him.

After what they describe as a “long, hot day,” more than 20 lawmakers and senior aides decided to jump into the sea, sources said. Some went in wearing all their clothes, although others partially undressed.

It was like a big ole Baptism.  ‘Cept nakkid.

And they had to skim nasty off the sea for a week afterwards.

This has the makings of a dandy event leading the GOP convention.

Thanks to Carl Whitmarsh for the heads up.

The Republican Party doesn’t feel that they’ve spent enough time in women’s vaginas, so now comes some startling new information on the exact same scientific level as witch dunking.

Rep. Todd Akin, the Republican nominee for Senate in Missouri who is running against Sen. Claire McCaskill, justified his opposition to abortion rights even in case of rape with a claim that victims of “legitimate rape” have unnamed biological defenses that prevent pregnancy.

Republican Rep. Todd Akin. Never been raped.

I checked available records, and while I will freely admit that not all criminal records can be obtained online, but the best I can tell, Rep. Todd Akin has never been raped.  I could be wrong through, because he seems to knows just a tad too much about the secret functions of female anatomy. And he certainly is a little floozy-looking himself.

This bit of information could also be used in trials.  If a woman gets pregnant from the so-called rape, then she hasn’t been legitimately raped, you know, as opposed to illegitimately raped.

Just in case there were eyewitnesses and the rapist confesses and Akin’s biochemistry theory doesn’t work, then he has a Plan B.

Akin said that even in the worst-case scenario — when the supposed natural protections against unwanted pregnancy fail — abortion should still not be a legal option for the rape victim.

Because Todd Akin loves your uterus.

Thanks to Deb for the heads up.

Freely admitting there is zero evidence of discrimination except for one man feeling he was passed over for a promotion that a woman got  (and God forbid that should ever happen when the laws of nature and Fox News demand that it should happen the other way around), Geraldo Rivera speaks.

It’s a “lesbian cabal” at the Department of Homeland security.  Geraldo, God Bless You, just because Democratic women carry around an 11 foot pole because they wouldn’t touch you with a 10 foot one, does not make Democratic women lesbians.  However, you alone are indeed a powerful argument for lesbianism.

Yes, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano just has to be a lesbian in a cabal because she’s (1) not married, and (2) promoted women.  What more proof do you need that a lesbian cabal is running the Department of Homeland Security.

However, if the rumor is true, I believe that the next director of Homeland Security also be in a lesbian cabal because they apparently do a dandy job of securing the homeland.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

I would like to offer you living proof that alcohol destroys far, far more brain cells than marijuana does.

Bless Hank Williams, Jr’s tiny little alcohol addled heart, he’s trying to revive his career by getting himself some attention.  At a concert Friday night, he offered himself up as alcohol and gun poster child.

Following the song “We Don’t Apologize For America” a chant of “USA, USA” broke out amongst the crowd. Williams smiled, telling the crowd that he was their mouth piece and adding:

“We’ve got a Muslim president who hates farming, hates the military, hates the US and we hate him!”

An interesting aside:  Mr. Williams has never attended church, had a farm, served in the military or liked much of anything, including his own mother.  That is what alcohol does to you.

On the other hand —

.

Yes, indeed, love is real.

The University of Colorado, both at Colorado Springs and Boulder, are segregating their dorms.

Not by race, not even by gender, but by people who don’t feel complete without a firearm to make their weenus look bigger.

Yes, the University of Colorado is making kids with gun permits house themselves together in one spot so when they get drunk, stoned, or depressed, no innocent bystanders will be shot.

“The main dorms on the main campus will not allow any concealed-carry weapons,” CU-Boulder spokesman Bronson Hilliard said.

In addition, attendees at ticketed athletic and cultural events, such as football games and theater, on both campuses will not be permitted to bring their guns, officials said.

My theory is that this move will mean that college gun owners will get laid even less than the Dungeons and Dragons dorm.  They will spend the weekends in the dorm, alone, playing with their … uh, guns.

Needless to say, the gun lobby does not like this.  Putting them all in one dorm means that people in other dorms don’t feel the need to buy a gun to protect themselves from people with a gun, resulting in lower gun sales which is just totally unacceptable with all the well regulated militias in Colorado.

Kurt Mueller, director of strategy of Students for Concealed Carry, a national organization that advocates for legal concealed carry on college campuses, said the group has an issue with the CU change.

“We’re going to look into it further, but it’s not surprising that the campuses are trying to circumvent the Colorado Supreme Court ruling,” Mueller said.

No, Kurt, the ruling said that college kids can carry guns.  It did not say that we had to like them. Honey, I’d rather skin skunks with a dull knife than let my daughter live next to some damn kid with a gun.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.