It’s like somebody popped the balloon and the Republican Party has been flying around the room backwards making really offensive sounds for a week now.

Now we have a Republican sheriff candidate in New Hampshire.

When asked what he would do if he saw a doctor performing a perfectly legal abortion, Frank Szabo had a handy answer.

Six Shootin' Szabo

“I would respond specifically by saying that if someone is under threat, a full-grown human being, if they’re under threat, what should the sheriff do? Everything in their power to prevent them from being harmed,” he said.

When pressed about what he would do if he learned that a doctor was about to perform an elective abortion, Szabo replied he would do what it took to prevent that from happening.

“Absolutely,” he said. “Well, I would hope that it wouldn’t come to that, as with any situation where someone is in danger, but again, specifically talking about elective abortions and late-term abortions, that is an act that needs to be stopped.”

Holy crap.  That means he’s going to go six-shooting his way into an abortion clinic and kill a doctor for doing something legal.  The next question just has to be, “And you have the authority to do this six shooting under the law of  ….”

Szabo maintains that the county sheriff is a position that doesn’t answer to any other public official.

So, Thelma is packing my bags right now because I’m gonna move to New Hampshire and run for sheriff.  I’ve always wanted to be God, by gawd.

However, Szabo sobered up the next day and said he was sorry.  “In making comments yesterday, I let my passionate stance against abortion get the better of me,” he drooled.

Or, maybe he was sober when he made the statement and drunk when he made the apology.  That’s a voting booth crap shoot if I ever saw one.

Well I don’t know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain’t right,
I’m so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I’m wondering how I’ll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.

Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you,
And I’m wondering what it is I should do,
It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face,
Losing control, yeah, I’m all over the place,
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

.

You already know about East Texas – where the crazy folks like Louie Gohmert want to make everybody behave exactly how they say.

Well, then there’s West Texas.  Where they just can’t wait to kill you.

Lubbock County Judge Tom Head needs to raise taxes and being a great conservative he needed to give people a reason why he needs to raise taxes other than the fact that if you want to find Lubbock on the map, you have to look up Hellhole.

So, Tom gets to explaining to the local paper why exactly he’s raising taxes.

Judge Head said he and the county must be prepared for many contingencies, one that he particularly fears, is if President Obama is reelected.

“He’s going to try to hand over the sovereignty of the United States to the UN, and what is going to happen when that happens?,” Head asked.

“I’m thinking the worst. Civil unrest, civil disobedience, civil war maybe. And we’re not just talking a few riots here and demonstrations, we’re talking Lexington, Concord, take up arms and get rid of the guy.

“Now what’s going to happen if we do that, if the public decides to do that? He’s going to send in U.N. troops. I don’t want ’em in Lubbock County. OK. So I’m going to stand in front of their armored personnel carrier and say ‘you’re not coming in here’.

“And the sheriff, I’ve already asked him, I said ‘you gonna back me’ he said, ‘yeah, I’ll back you’. Well, I don’t want a bunch of rookies back there. I want trained, equipped, seasoned veteran officers to back me.”

Judge Tom, first off, nobody is coming to Lubbock.  It’s a hellhole.  It’s hot as a frying pan in the summer, colder than a witch’s boob in a brass bra in the winter, and one damn crappy place in between.  You can’t pay people to come to Lubbock.  Hell, son, you could offer starving people in China a fancy condo in Lubbock and they wouldn’t take it.

Tom Head: Raising Taxes Because He Wants To

Second off, I do not care how seasoned your police are, they cannot take out a predator drone or the United States Marines.  And there would be thousands of them — all whining about being in damn Lubbock.

Third off, where the hell do you get your news?  I want to know because there’s got to be drunk people living in that isolated cabin the woods broadcasting crazy over the airwaves.  Personally, Tom, I think they know they’re jacking with you and are rolling around with a bottle of tequila laughing about you making a damfool of yourself in public.  East Texas has the distributorship on crazy and they’re liable to sue you for infringement.

Fourth off, just fess up that you’re real bad at government and so you have to raise taxes.  Don’t be threatening to overthrow the United States of Damn American just because you screwed up the county budget.

Fifth off, please move to Arizona.  Middle Texas is getting nervous.

Thanks to Sandy for the first heads up!

Remember the old, old, oh so damn old teevee show called I’ve Got a Secret?

That’s Mitt Romney.  He’s got secret tax returns, secret plans for the economy, secret underwear, and now secret energy plans.

During a Houston fundraiser, Romney told a room of about 125 donors that he planned to unveil his comprehensive energy plan this week. He said his proposal will specifically relate to fossil-based fuels. But then, he said no more.

“I know that we have members of the media here right now, so I’m not going to go through that in great detail,” Romney said, according to a pool report from the event.

Dude, he was in Houston.  Once the reporters left, you know he hollered, “Drill, baby, drill!”

Good Lord, if they had a Republican who could count past 8 without using his fingers, this guy would never have gotten the nomination.

By the way, the ozone level in Houston yesterday was was at 111, which classifies as  — “UNHEALTHY Everyone may begin to experience health effects.”  And, in other news, Mitt Romney says he would end United States wind power subsidies, because, you know, they make the wind move and that can’t be good for you.

You’ve heard about the big hurricane headed straight for Tampa?  Personally, I’m with Pat Robertson on this one – hurricanes are God’s way of punishing evil people.

But, I am willing to use my whole two hours at meteorology school to solve all the problems this might cause Republicans.

So, the way I see it, the Republicans have three choices:

1.  Stand outside the convention hall and blow all their hot air counterclockwise, neutralizing the hurricane rotation.

2.  Duck, cover, and shut the hell up.

3.  Quit being spiteful in the eyes of the Lord.

Since #1 and #3 are almost impossible for them to do, I would suggest that #2 is their only viable alternative.  I will even send duct tape if that will help.

I did have to laugh last night when a Republican official said that they had a contingency plan if their convention had to be cancelled.  Yeah, vote Democratic.

.

I am a woman of faith so I know I’m not supposed to hate people.

I hate Republicans.  Just puredee hate them.  No, no, it’s not that I hate what they do.  I hate them.  I hate what they do and who they are that makes them do some crapola like this.

Here’s some menopausal busybody trying to make rape victims feel guilty.  She contends that rape is a blessing in disguise because in the whole history of the whole damn world, two good people were born from rape.  Two.  Ethel Waters and some guy named James Robison back in the 1970’s.  Two people.  That’s all she can name.  And I don’t know for a fact that this cranky ole busybody knows what she’s talking about.

An official from Missouri’s Republican Party on Monday defended Senate candidate Todd Akin after he suggested abortions should not be allowed in any case because victims of “legitimate” rape victims could not get pregnant.

GOP 4th Senate District Committeewoman Sharon Barnes told The New York Times “that abortion is never an option.”

Never.

Oh good grief.

Rich women have always gotten abortions.  They called them something else when the doctor did it and some of them even went to Europe for theirs.  This crabby busybody just wants poor women not to have abortions.  Even if they are dying.

Crabby old nosy bitty.  MYOB.

Thanks to Deb for the heads up.

Not in MY lifetime, you won’t.

As outlined in a memo the campaign released Saturday, Romney plans to repeal the Affordable Care Act in its entirety, and thus to spend over $700 billion more on the program in the coming decade than the government would spend if the health care law stands.

That commitment would leave Medicare poised for insolvency in 2016, years before he proposes to phase in the voucher system. Which means Romney would have two options: find new Medicare cuts or taxes to extend the life of the program, or preside over its demise.

Mitt Romney has never faced flank of Rollator warriors.

And in another interesting note ….

Well then, Cutie Pie, what Party does he belong to?  Hell, Darlin’, if he can’t get his own Party to agree with him, then why should anybody else?

Thanks to Brian and David for the heads up.