We have two guys running for the Republican nomination for Senator in Texas.  One is a certified liar and the other is rolling around on the floor crazy.

David Dewhurst is a knockoff version of Mitt Romney – he’ll say anything to get elected.  And, Dewhurst is said to be the richest man in Texas politics.  He’s slick as snot on a doorknob, slimy as a vat of worms, and he lies.  He’s dumb enough to think that his videotape and recordings can be scrubbed clean with a simple lifting of a hyperlink.  He’s for a guest worker program so it must be Thursday.  He’s against it, so it’s Wednesday.  In fact, now he wants to machine gun the border so it’s Friday.  No, wait, his big money supporters need cheap labor so it’s back to Thursday.  And he’s lying so it must be any day that ends in “day.”

On the other hand.

His opponent Ted Cruz is creepy rightwing blubbering flat earth Limbaugh Dittohead fool.  I don’t like him and I always will.

I will tell you all you need to know about Ted Cruz:  when Rick Santorum was endorsing him, he said, “Ted Cruz is spellbinding.”

I think there’s some truth to that.  My jaw drops open and my breathing gets shallow when Ted Cruz speaks.  It’s is truly is spellbinding to see that much crazy stuffed into one body.  Truly.

You wanna know the sad thing about this run-off?  One of these damfools has to win.

Thanks to David for the heads up.

Okay, so I am sitting here in my Barc-o-Lounger watching Rachel Maddow, minding my own business and cuddling with Truman, when all a sudden Rachel has a new quote from a pool reporter in Montana.

It seems Mitt Romney talked tonight about getting booed at the NAACP in Houston. It went something like this: “If they want more free stuff, they should vote for the other guy.”

By “they” he means black Americans.

Holy crap on a cracker – literally, a cracker – this is the same guy who says that we are causing a class war, dividing America.

Uh oh, I think that silence you hear is his secret black support melting.

Holy crap. Did he really say that?

The final bill to remodel the Texas Governor’s Mansion, called The Gov Shack, is in.  It’s a mere $25 million.  It was originally supposed to cost $10 million but, you know, it’s for Rick.

The improved Governor’s Mansion will include inch-thick longleaf pine floors, an added wing and a geothermal heating and cooling system that required digging 40 350-foot (107 meter) wells, according to Bloomberg. The cost of the mansion renovations would have paid for 11 million school lunches.

Now, when Jacqueline Kennedy remodeled the White House, she got private donations to do it.  You’d think with all Rick’s rich friends ….. oh yeah, they hold on to a nickle until Thomas Jefferson screams “Uncle!”  They are all so tight that when the smile, their toes curl.

Thanks to Stephen for the heads-up.

Mitt Romney says he has secret black supporters.

Imagine how shocked he’ll be to discover that Barack Obama has openly white supporters.

Mitt, Dude, saying that black people don’t have any courage ain’t exactly gonna load up the Romney Soul Train.

Thanks to Deb for the heads-up.

Okay, so realtors are looking for stuff to do since Bush wrecked the housing market.  I know, I know, you can’t blame Bush because he was just there when it happened.  Right.

So, these realtors are passing around goofy emails.  Real goofy.  I clipped this from an email a sane relator sent me.  it had been passed around all over the county with more email addresses than the average spam box in India. Click the little one to get the big one.

And that’s a real scary story.  Obama is trying to screw homeowners, old people, and crazy realtors.

Except, of course, it’s not true.  I’ll use my nice little capture tool again —

The NAR is the National Association of Realtors.

Y’all, y’all!  Listen up!  This is very important.  If Mitt Romney is elected President he is planning to make all women wear beehive hairdos to pay back the canned hair spray industry for all their campaign contributions.  I know this is true because I am a hairdresser.  Pass it around.

Thanks to Cheryl for the heads up.

There must be an outbreak of zombies.

Rick Miller and, yes, all the Republicans here own the same cheap shirt

First, we have a guy right here in Fort Bend County who is running for the State House by the name of Rick Miller.  He’s a thug.  Seriously, he’s a dead solid thug who stood by and watched while a 70 year old woman get beat up.  Anyway, he got endorsed by Phyllis Schlafly, which tells you how low his opinion of women is.

He announced that he was also being endorsed by Tom DeLay.  Now you would think that the endorsement of a convicted felon would not be something to crow about, unless, of course, you’re delusional.  Rick Miller is delusional.

And then there’s Mitt Romney.  He’s going to London for the Olympics and do a little fundraising while there. With bankers.  Because he doesn’t have enough problems being linked to rich, out of touch bankers, ya know.

The events involve a reception – at a cost of $2,500 per person – and a high-dollar “private dinner with Governor Mitt Romney” that will cost from $25,000 to $75,000 per person. Both events will be held at a location in “central London” that has not yet been named.

Though former Barclays CEO Bob Diamond, who recently resigned over the rate-fixing scandal, is no longer among the hosts, a registered lobbyist from Barclays, Patrick Durkin, is still one of the hosts.

Yeah, it’s just such a mess when your host is headed to freekin’ prison for ripping off people.  Makes for awkward introductions.

Does anybody remember when President Obama gave a speech in Germany after he was elected and the rightwing started yelling Globalization! with the music from Jaws in the background?

Well, the cat’s got their tongue now.

Personally, I think Mitt is selling the original 13 colonies back to England.  They vote way too Democratic.

Thanks to Carl for the heads-up.