Okey, Dokey. We have a few early results from Fort Bend County.

In early voting, Rick Miller is whipping Jacquie Chaumette 59 / 41 % , proving once again that the Fort Bend County Republican Party will never, ever elect a female or a minority to high public office. They’ll take your money but they will never vote for you. On the upside, that does mean that Vy Nguyen will get to run against a guy who is a lying thug. And the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club is voting Ted Cruz over David Dewhurst 64 / 36%

I’m calling it for Ted Cruz. We have the inmates running the asylum. He’s winning by 55% now.

My friend Democrat Rose Meza Harrison will be beating Duckie Jammies Farenthal this November for the South Texas congressional seat. That’s the best news of the night for me.

Oh Harry, this is brilliant.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) has what he says is an informed explanation for why Mitt Romney refuses to release additional tax returns. According a Bain investor, Reid charged, Romney didn’t pay any taxes for 10 years.

Oh snap, now Romney has to release his tax return to prove Harry wrong.

So now Romney is trapped between the devil and … well, the other devil.

Saying he had “no problem with somebody being really, really wealthy,” Reid sat up in his chair a bit before stirring the pot further. A month or so ago, he said, a person who had invested with Bain Capital called his office.

“Harry, he didn’t pay any taxes for 10 years,” Reid recounted the person as saying.

“He didn’t pay taxes for 10 years! Now, do I know that that’s true? Well, I’m not certain,” said Reid. “But obviously he can’t release those tax returns. How would it look?

Hell’s bells are ringing, Mitt, so what ya gonna do?  Reid’s not saying you’re a tax cheat but why else wouldn’t you release the returns?  I mean, after all that la-te-da over Obama’s birth certificate?

I believe the ball’s in your court, Mr. Romney.

Oh y’all, San Antonio Mayor Julián Castro is going to give the Keynote address at the Democratic National Convention.

He’s 37 years old and will prove that Texas is not filled with crazy people.  He’s hot stuff.

I know there are stages to grief, but are their stages to Good Grief?

If there are, Mitt Romney is exploring the outer edges.

Romney made his latest outrageous remark in Jerusalem, where he seriously asserted that Israelis (and clearly he meant Jews, since he was sucking up to a Jewish audience) are wealthier than Palestinians because “culture makes all the difference.”

Good grief.  Let’s just make the Mideast situation even worse by looking down on Palestinian culture.  Smart move, George Marshall.

One other thing – if culture is what makes you rich, maybe we should all become Saudi Arabians.

Mitt’s Magical Rude Tour needs to be heading home from summer camp.

Thanks to Barbara for the heads-up

This is a couple of true stories.  I swear.  True.

In about 1985 I was the first woman asked to join the local Optimist Club in my hometown.  This particular service club made Houston headlines ten years before for being carted off to the pokey during a strip joint raid which they attended after a district meeting in Houston.  Even at that time, most of them were retired.  By the time I was asked to join, you had to carbon date them to figure out how many candles to put on their birthday cake.

The only reason they asked me to join was because they got snookered into signing up for a mile stretch of Texas highway to pick up litter.  It was only after the sign-up that they realized that none of them could walk a mile, much less stoop over.  They figured I could, and they thoroughly enjoyed watching me do it.

I loved those old coots and miss them until this day.  They taught me the valuable lesson that laughing adds years onto your life.

One Wednesday lunchtime, Dick Goodman (a misdescriptive name if there ever was one) came in whining about one thing or another.  Dick said his feet hurt, his wife was nagging him, his eye doctor was retiring and he didn’t know another good eye doctor, his feet still hurt, the paperboy purposefully throws his newspaper in the rose bushes, there’s a Republican in the White House, his neighbor walks across his yard to get to the neighbor on the other side, and his damn feet hurt.

Jim, a retired radio reporter and semi-professional colorful man, had about all he could take.  He finally stood up, spilling over his ice tea all over his Bonanza Steakhouse Hunk-o-Beef blue plate special, pointed his fork like a weapon at Dick and hollered, “Dick, this is the goddam Optimist Club.  Shut the F&^)#@! up.”

The goddam Optimist Club – it remains one of my favorite lines ever.  Until today.

The Mitt Romney Trail of Tears through the civilized world has produced another wildly inappropriate saying.

In Poland the American press corp was yelling questions at Romney because, according to CNN, Romney has only taken three questions from the traveling press corps during his week-long trip abroad, so yelling is their only way to ask.

CNN: “Governor Romney are you concerned about some of the mishaps of your trip?

NYT: “Governor Romney do you have a statement for the Palestinians?

Washington Post: “What about your gaffes?

NYT: “Governor Romney do you feel that your gaffes have overshadowed your foreign trip?”

CNN: “Governor Romney just a few questions sir, you haven’t taken but three questions on this trip from the press!

Gorka: “Show some respect”

NYT: “We haven’t had another chance to ask a question…”

Gorka: “Kiss my ass. This is a Holy site for the Polish people. Show some respect.”

“Kiss my ass.  This is a Holy site.  Show some respect.”

Best.  Line.  Ever.

Thanks to Kyle for the heads-up, and reminding me of my Optimist Brothers.

Rush knows the truth.  The British hate their health care system but they pretended to like it just to impress President Obama.

Friday’s Olympic opening ceremony in London was “more socialist” than the Beijing version four years ago, and a tribute to the National Health Service included in the performance was “done on behalf of” President Barack Obama, Rush Limbaugh claimed on Monday.

“Of all the things that you want to honor,” he said on his radio show. “I mean, the people of Great Britain don’t even like the National Health Service! And then it hit me, and then it hit me. It was actually done on behalf of President Kardashian. They did it for Obama. Nobody will convince me otherwise.”

Damn you Brits!  We told you not to make it so obvious.  And those flying bicycles — obviously referring to Elizabeth Warren.  And that whole rock-n-roll episode – Hillary.

The Olympic Rings?

Obviously representing the number of Rush Limbaugh marriages.

Thanks to David for the heads-up.